Browsing: Lifestyle
Dear Casey: Like you, I too am always on the hunt for comfortable, not-too-flat flats. NOT the kind that you can feel every pebble in the pavement through the skimpy soles — Kellie & Katie from DSW for instance. Not the ones that chew up your heels or the top of your toes after a few hours of walking (Rothy’s, rothys.com). Or, Chuck Taylors that offer no support (even though they’re pretty cute). I buy my Chucks 1/2 size bigger to accommodate my Pure Stride Full Length Orthotics (amazon.com, $24.55). My best bet these days are the Home Run ballet flats from Aerosoles (aerosoles.com, $89 reduced to $49) though almost all my flats require gel heel liners (amazon.com and drugstores, Dr. Scholl’s $6.99). Readers, help Casey (and me) find frugal, walk-all-day flats that are cute and comfy! What are your faves?
However, when it comes to having children and family formation, timing is actually a primary motivation for most of us. When we’re in our early 20s, we tell ourselves, “I’m not ready.” Later on, we do feel ready, and whether that is the “tick tock biological clock” talking, the weight of our other relationships and experiences, or because you’ve met “The One,” the drive to have children before it’s “too late” (however we interpret that) is very real.
Dear Amy: I have been married for over 30 years. At our 25th anniversary dinner, my wife told me she was interested in trying an “open marriage.” I was shocked, thinking that we still had a strong desire for each other. Later, at a counseling session, when asked if she was physically attracted to me, she said flippantly, “Not now, never was.”
Today, she has supportive friends, both asexual and allosexual, and a wide range of interests and hobbies. She takes archery lessons, writes fiction, runs an ace book group that draws readers from as far away as Fort Wayne and Madison, and co-leads a National Novel Writing Month initiative in the western suburbs.
Dear Crying: It is ironic that sometimes in tough divorces, the children take their pain out on the parent who does the most with (and for) them. In your case, if their father really “went about his life” and didn’t see his children that often, the parent they had the most negative experiences with is the parent who raised them because their father wasn’t there.
What I mean is that ideally, you would be able to show compassion and concern toward a fellow human being without affirming his reprehensible actions. This is a heavy lift, because others in your circle are not only judging him, but — depending on your behavior — will also judge you. (Your wife, for instance, might judge you harshly for even being in this man’s presence.)
“I found an odd-looking substance in my mulched beds next to a boxwood last week. This garden bed was replanted a few weeks ago and mulched with shredded bark. At first, I thought my dog had been sick, but that was not the case. Will this affect the plants in this bed, and should I do something to get rid of it?”
Mutual friends were very suspicious of their relationship but chose not to tell me. Yes, it would have been hard to hear the truth, but having the knowledge of his affair would have saved me from five years of him draining our bank accounts, five years of emotional hell, and five developmental years of my boys’ lives. One son, now 18, told me, “You didn’t want to leave Dad because you thought your boys needed a father, but we didn’t have a father.” Ouch. Telling someone about their spouse’s affair could actually be life-giving. It is not a happy marriage and you are not the one destroying it, the cheating spouse is.
These iridescent green beetles are best known for feeding on roses and linden trees, but in fact they can feast on hundreds of different plants, according to Sharon Yiesla, plant knowledge specialist in the Plant Clinic at The Morton Arboretum. “We’ve started seeing them on river birches and basil,” she said. “They have a lot of different diners they can go to.”
In these situations, it is important to let the other person know how bringing up past events, that are not always complimentary, makes you feel. People fail to consider another person’s feelings. Asking the question, “Do you realize how this makes me feel?” is the best approach. “Feel” is the key word.