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For the last decades of her life, Manuela Garcia dedicated her time to advocating for the people — particularly the youth — of the Little Village community in Chicago. Even in her old age, “Manuelita,” as many call her, still watched for those in need by helping to feed homeless people and giving rides to work or doctor appointments to people who didn’t have a car.“Era como la madre de La Villita,” said Doris Hernandez, a longtime friend and a neighbor of Garcia. The two worked side by side, participating in various actions advocating for immigrant rights and resources for parents and teens in the neighborhood to fight street violence.AdvertisementOn May 29, Garcia died at the age of 96 after having a stroke, leaving a void not only in her family’s heart but a whole community, said her granddaughter Andrea Guzman.Manuela “Manuelita” Garcia with her granddaughter Andrea Guzman, at their Little Village home in 2005. The two spearheaded a hunger strike in 2001 at Camp Cesar Chavez that led to the construction of Little Village Lawndale High School on 31st and Kostner Avenue. (Milbert O. Brown / Chicago Tribune)Days after her grandmother died, Guzman slept in an unwashed rebozo (shawl) of hers. But Guzman is grateful for the time she spent with the woman who raised her since she was 5 years old.Advertisement“I’m grateful for the community she left me,” Guzman said.Though Manuelita had been involved with community organizations throughout her life while living in the community, she was recognized for spearheading a hunger strike in 2001 at Camp Cesar Chavez that led to the construction of Little Village Lawndale High School on 31st and Kostner Avenue.Guzman lived with her grandmother most of her life. From her she learned to be a fighter when she joined the hunger strike alongside her when she was only 17 years old.The grandmother, who was in her late 70s at the time, was the oldest parent and one of the most outspoken activists during the movement, recalled Hernandez. During the 19-day strike, the group demanded that Mayor Richard M. Daley and other local officials keep their promise of building a new school for the youth already suffering from gang violence.“My mother was always a strong advocate for education even though she didn’t have one,” said one of her sons, Francisco Garcia. His mother only got to fourth grade, he said. “But education and wisdom are not synonymous.”Protestors from Little Village descend on the mayor’s office at Chicago City Hall to deliver a letter with their demands for a new high school in their neighborhood in May 2001. (NANCY STONE / CHICAGO TRIBUNE)Just before the pandemic hit in 2020, on the eve of her 95th birthday, Manuelita was honored for her life and work with a City Council resolution presented by Ald. Michael Rodriguez, in front of a mural with a portrait of her face at the high school she fought for. Now, Rodriguez plans to introduce a resolution to name a street in Little Village after the woman who served as the block club president for more than 30 years, he said.“The recognition means that city council and all the residents of the city of Chicago recognize Manuela Garcia as leader, not just for the Little Village community but for our region as someone who deserves recognition,“ said Rodriguez. But importantly, he said, as a Latina leader.“We disproportionately recognize what females of color mean to our society and she is so emblematic of a group of people (who) are undercounted, underrepresented and under-celebrated.”AdvertisementPeople embrace outside of Epiphany Catholic church in Chicago’s Little Village neighborhood during the funeral of community leader Manuela “Manuelita” Garcia on June 11, 2022. (Chris Sweda / Chicago Tribune)Rodriguez was one of the many community leaders and politicians who attended a recent mass and wake that honored Manuelita’s life. Hundreds of other community members also attended, and paid tribute to her life with a caravan that made a stop at every home in which she lived in the neighborhood.“She was a forceful presence during the movement while also having a very humble monolingual Spanish speaking background, she represented the best of us,” Rodriguez added.U.S. Rep. Jesus “Chuy” Garcia also attended the ceremony, and honored Manuelita in Congress last week.“Manuelita Garcia was a force to be reckoned with, a fierce advocate for justice, a true fighter for the community, and a longtime Little Village resident,” he said during his speech.Manuelita began her work to advocate for education while working with ENLACE, a local organization that advocates for the well-being of the residents of Little Village in health, immigration and violence prevention.Her family hopes that her legacy of love and solidarity will forever remain in the hearts of Little Village residents.AdvertisementThe body of of community leader Manuelita de la Cruz Lopez Garcia is carried during her funeral at Epiphany Catholic Church on June 11, 2022. (Chris Sweda / Chicago Tribune)Manuelita began getting more involved in the community shortly after her husband died in 1985, recalled Francisco Garcia. And after raising her nine children and some grandchildren, the matriarch turned to help other mothers and youth in need, often speaking up against injustices, he said.She was born in the small border town of Roma, Texas, but moved to the Chicago area in 1953 after marrying her husband, her family said. Through her youth, she worked as maintenance personnel at General Motors in suburban Chicago and often had side jobs cleaning other homes and washing clothes for others.“She never retired,” her son smiled. “She got her second or third wind, she became even more active.”His mother, he said, enjoyed talking to people and helping out. In the late ’60s, Manuelita and her husband hosted an AM radio show where they would help promote businesses in the area and the work of democratic politicians and leaders working for the community.“She was an incredible and credible figure,” Garcia said.AdvertisementAlthough painful for Guzman, he believes that Manuelita’s passing is not necessarily a goodbye, but a “homegoing.”larodriguez@chicagotribune.com

Dear Amy: I am 35; my “fiance” is 40.We have been engaged for 11 years.AdvertisementMy question is NOT about why we haven’t gotten married.I am wondering why his father has not made any attempt to make me feel welcome, even after so many years of us being together.AdvertisementAlmost every weekend, his father comes over and picks up my fiancé. They then go back to his dad’s house to hang out for the majority of the day.Even the simplest greetings are met with blank stares. He completely ignores my presence!Amy, I can’t even get a “hello” out of the man.My partner always says, “Just give him time.” Then he changes the subject.My family has gone out of their way to make my partner feel welcome, because they know that I love him and he is a part of my life.I just don’t understand why he hasn’t done anything to remedy the situation. Or why I have not gotten a valid reason for his father’s choice to completely alienate me, even though he welcomed in his brother’s psycho girlfriend into their lives with open arms.Am I wrong for wanting to be accepted by his family?And if not, then to at least be given a reason as to why I’m not accepted?Advertisement– Left Out WomanDear Left Out: You aren’t wrong to want acceptance from your partner’s family – or anyone.However – you and your “fiancé” (to use your quote-marks) are extremely passive in your response to it.Your 11-year engagement might be a clue that you two are extremely similar when it comes to your passivity (and patience).Being similar does not mean you are well-matched, however.“Give him time” is an elastic concept to your man. Glaciers have melted faster than he seems to move.AdvertisementThis problem should call up larger questions for you: If this man has been rude to you for over a decade, why haven’t you called him on it? And why hasn’t your guy?Also – would you spend part of every weekend hanging out with someone who was mean to the person you loved – even if your hang-buddy was your parent?As passive and patient as you have been, this might be the moment for you to consult your sundial and say, “time’s up.”Dear Amy: My older brother is getting married this summer, his second marriage. He practices a very conservative Christian belief and told me that because I am a gay man I am a sinner and will go to hell in the afterlife.His children told me that they pray for my salvation.For my entire youth he abused and tortured me physically, emotionally, and sexually.AdvertisementWe are both in our 60s now and for most of our lives have had very little contact.I don’t want to go to his wedding, however, my mother is putting a lot of pressure on me to go.The thought of going to the wedding makes me anxious and angry.I don’t want to see him or his family, but I feel guilty not supporting my mother. What should I do?– Confused BrotherDear Confused: Do not give in to your mother’s pressure. Understand with compassion that she may be hoping to heal the rift between you and your brother, but, unless she has also urged your brother to atone for his behavior and ask for forgiveness, any contact should be up to you.AdvertisementStay calm, and offer to help your mother by asking a friend or family member to accompany her.Dear Amy: I was a bit disturbed by your advice to “Accused of Desertion,” who decided to fly home alone after their partner tested positive for COVID.What I think was missed entirely is the fact that a close contact of someone who is COVID positive – even if they themselves have had a negative test – may still be infected and putting others at risk by getting on a flight.Ask AmyDailyNo-nonsense advice for better living delivered to your inbox every morning. For a limited time, sign up for the Ask Amy newsletter and get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.I know that public health guidance has been confusing and inconsistent, but the current CDC guidance is to defer travel for at least five days after last contact with the infected person, and test at that time.I would implore anyone who is unable or unwilling to isolate or quarantine at their destination to rethink air travel for now.– An Exhausted PhysicianAdvertisementDear Exhausted: Thank you for the clarification and advice. And thank you for the hard work trying to keep people healthy and safe.Got a question for Amy? Enter it here and we’ll send it to her.Sign up here to receive the Ask Amy newsletter to get advice e-mailed to your inbox every morning, and for a limited time — get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.©2021 Amy Dickinson.

Dear Amy: I am a 32-year-old mother of three. I have a restraining order against their father after years of emotional and physical abuse endured by myself and my children. I was stuck in the vicious cycle of abuse for a long time.He has had no contact with us for over two years.AdvertisementMy ex’s mother (my children’s “grandmother”) recently tried to contact my daughter via text, sending her photos of her father and the father’s new girlfriend, along with their daughter (she is the same age as my youngest son, so his current girlfriend and I were pregnant at the same time).I have access to see these text messages and pictures before my daughter does and am curious about your take on whether I should delete them/block their numbers, or allow my 8-year-old daughter to decide for herself.AdvertisementI don’t trust anyone in their family and never received any acknowledgment of the tremendous amount of pain and suffering her son caused me and my children. – Mama BearDear Mama Bear: These family members are not likely to apologize for the actions of your abuser.If they want to try to forge a relationship with your children, however, they need to understand that you are the gatekeeper.I can’t speak to the intent, but based on what you report, it sounds as if your ex or his mother might be using her ability to send text messages to your daughter as a “workaround,” which could violate the valid restraining order you have against her son.You should double-check the language on the court order.Your child should not be receiving text messages from anyone without you seeing the message first (I assume these may be coming in over a tablet device).Regardless of the status of the restraining order, if you don’t want your children to have contact with your ex’s family, then it is within your rights to deny that contact across the board. You are the custodial parent. It is your responsibility to keep them safe and healthy.AdvertisementIf your children express a desire to have contact with these family members, you will have to use your best judgment to discern if it is in their best interests.For now, I suggest that you block this contact, given that it was uninvited and inappropriate.If this grandmother wants to contact any of your children, she will have to go through you. She likely knows this (she’s a mother, after all), and this was a little test – which you have passed. Congratulations.Dear Amy: I live abroad and came home one summer to visit family and see some friends.One of my best friends, “Jeremy,” has a garage sale every year that he and his wife get really excited about, so I went for an afternoon to hang out.One man who came to the garage sale asked Jeremy if he had any guns for sale.AdvertisementWhen the man asked, looking around, everyone was incredibly uncomfortable.My thought was if my friend told him he had no guns (I don’t know whether he has guns or not) that the man may break into their home, knowing that they are unarmed.I can’t imagine my friend is the only person that man asked. It could be the man is an honest person with no bad intentions. Please let me know your thoughts.– StevenDear Steven: Researching your question, I was surprised (and alarmed) to learn that in most states, it is legal to buy (and sell) guns at a yard sale, with some caveats.My suggestion is that anyone who is asked should simply respond, “I’m not selling any guns today.” This should avoid the issue of alerting any would-be criminals about an unarmed house.AdvertisementI believe there is also an ethical question here. Even the most responsible gun owner cannot guarantee the suitability or stability of a stranger.Dear Amy: “Fed Up” had asked repeatedly for his child’s church group to leave him off of group texts, and though the leaders comply, they continue to re-add his number every couple of weeks.Ask AmyDailyNo-nonsense advice for better living delivered to your inbox every morning. For a limited time, sign up for the Ask Amy newsletter and get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.My solution, though probably not nice, is to tell the leaders that in the future he will add lewd pics and remarks if the practice continues.This ought to solve the problem, but I’m not sure other parents would appreciate their kids dealing with that.– SDear S: That is a genuinely terrible idea, for many reasons. Sending lewd pictures to children is both morally wrong – and illegal.AdvertisementGot a question for Amy? Enter it here and we’ll send it to her.Sign up here to receive the Ask Amy newsletter to get advice e-mailed to your inbox every morning, and for a limited time — get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.©2021 Amy Dickinson.

Months ago, Laurie Glenn, founder, president and CEO of Chicago-based international political and public affairs consulting firm Thinkinc., was looking at her LinkedIn account on a Sunday, when someone slid into her direct messages asking questions like: “Are you this Laurie Glenn? Were you born July 5th?”“I was like, ‘What is this: identity theft?’” Glenn recalled, laughing.AdvertisementThe queries were from a representative from Crédit Agricole bank in New York City making sure the correct Glenn was contacted about being honored with France’s National Order of Merit, an award that recognizes individuals for distinguished service and/or connection rendered to the French Republic for at least 10 years. The honor is similar to the Legion of Honor, given to people in all fields of activity whose service to France is at least 20 years long.Awarded by the president of the French Republic, the Order of Merit was established by President Charles de Gaulle in 1963 for “distinguished merit” in service to France and the causes it supports. It is rare for a noncitizen of France to receive this award.AdvertisementGlenn is now on that list, joining honorees such as Quincy Jones, Toni Morrison, Bill Gates, Steven Spielberg and Martin Scorsese. She received her insignia of merit — a six-armed Maltese asterisk enameled blue, suspended from a wreath of intertwined oak leaves — on June 2 at a New York City reception with diplomats, civic leaders and French nationals.Laurie Glenn, president and CEO of Thinkinc., a Chicago-based international strategic public affairs and political consulting firm specializing in policy issues, was awarded France’s National Order of Merit. (Charles Roussel)Fabrice Rozié, former cultural attache in New York and Chicago, nominated Glenn for the honor in 2019. According to Patrick Pagni, president of the American Society of the French Order of Merit, the pandemic prevented ceremonies from being conducted until recently.“She’s one of the very few to receive this,” Pagni said. “These are rewarded to people that have done something important in their field and who have been somewhat instrumental in developing a large level of cooperation between France and the United States.”The nomination stemmed from Glenn’s work with Rozié and the local French Consulate in broadening cultural ties between France and the U.S. Glenn’s work with the U.S. Embassy in Paris in support of the German Marshall Fund with leaders of inclusion on leadership development in 2015, 2016, 2018 and 2019 also supported her nomination. Glenn taught workshops in 2017 and 2018 with the Université Sorbonne Nouvelle on using research as a tool for building power and influence on social policy issues.Other projects Glenn worked with the French Consulate in Chicago and U.S. Embassy In Paris on include:“City/Cite: A trans-Atlantic Exchange,” a 2015 event where leading scholars, policymakers, researchers, community organizers, activists and artists from both sides of the Atlantic were in Chicago to explore inequality, race and the state of urban democracy in the United States and France. This program is still in effect.In 2009 and 2010, Glenn’s firm was retained by the U.S. Embassy in Paris to bring delegations to Chicago in response to Barack Obama being elected president. Thinkinc. organized a 10-day delegation of French Muslim elected officials from across the political spectrum to understand how he got elected and how to translate his victory into lessons learned for elected officials of color in France. The second delegation was brought to the city to train local leaders in community organizing as an empowerment tool for local leaders.Glenn’s artistic arm, Th!nkArt, an international art and policy forum that features local, European and South American artists, organized a 2010 joint exhibition at the Richard J. Daley Center featuring the photography of 10 youths from Altgeld Gardens in Chicago and 10 youths visiting from La Courneuve in Paris. Th!nkArt’s mission is to move art from the canvas to a conversation between human beings about art, philosophy, politics and the world at large. In 2009, Th!nkArt worked in collaboration with French film director Yamina Benguigui as part of an international human rights summit in Paris.Pagni said fewer than 140 Americans have received the honor over the last 40 years, and that Glenn’s receiving the order is an achievement that is well deserved.“It was really an honor much bigger than I realized,” said Glenn, who has more than 40 years of experience working within the social justice and public policy realm and with marginalized communities. “Everything I learned from all the community organizers, all the groups I worked with in the United States, it was a culmination of my work, and it made me a better person, a better human being. I am so grateful to be recognized because you’re never a hero in your own hometown.”AdvertisementGlenn is already thinking about what comes next. She said she wants to continue to be engaged with people’s dreams in hopes that she sees the next generation of people who come to power. With Thinkinc and Th!nkArt, she’s already created a new endeavor called ThinkHeart. She hasn’t figured out yet what path that effort will take.“It’s just so clear to me that it’s all about how we treat one another, that we come from a place of love,” Glenn said. “And that real institutional change, you have to engage the hearts and minds of people to make real systemic change.”For Glenn, being awarded the National Order of Merit is proof to keep going. When most people are thinking retirement, Glenn says her work is something she will continue to do until she dies because “it’s about humanity and building a progressive voice that allows inclusion.”“My religion is social justice,” Glenn said. “I think that there’s nothing more important than people’s ability to have free will and to make choices about their life. I work with powerful community-based organizations in Chicago and in France … to build democracy with people on the ground, to assist them, to give them the tools to amplify their voice and to be strategic in understanding how to leverage and build power. My work is always about assisting a transfer of power from people who have too much of it to people who need more of it.”drockett@chicagotribune.com

Dear Amy: Recently, our adult daughter “Clare” asked us for $4,000 to help her daughter attend an extremely expensive college ($75,000 a year) on the East Coast. We had already just given Clare $5,000 (for another purpose), and we offered tuition and housing for community college. She refused.My husband and I are retired public school teachers. We sent all three children to universities. They graduated debt-free.AdvertisementOur monthly expenses exceed our teachers’ retirement, but we have some savings and a little bit of income. Things are tight.Clare has not managed her money well. When she was in college we sent her $500 a month and she immediately quit her part-time job. She has squandered literally millions on pricey schemes and expensive homes. She now finds herself divorced and close to penniless – yet she refuses to find a job and relies on us for help.AdvertisementNow her daughter is making similar choices.Clare and her daughter have not been close or kind to us, and have never stepped up during those rare times we’ve asked for physical assistance.Both have lied about our treatment of them and have ridiculed our gifts and lives on numerous occasions.I feel used when they come asking for financial help. Yet I feel obligated! How do we say, “This is not the kind of help we can easily continue to give?”How do we say “no”?– Tapped Out TeachersDear Tapped Out: If you and your husband saw a child in your classroom whose parents always swooped in to complete their homework, you would see how destructive this behavior is and how it impedes the child’s ability to handle challenges.YOU have the spending problem.AdvertisementYour lifetime practice of enabling “Clare” has helped to create an entitled, incompetent, needy, and angry adult who lacks basic judgment – and now she is passing this onto the next generation.You enable her because you are too anxious or afraid to face the discomfort you would feel if you stopped.And then there is this: Clare isn’t even nice to you!She isn’t nice to you when you give, and she won’t be nice to you if you don’t.You launched all three of your children into a debt-free adulthood. That’s more than many parents can do, and you did it.Your duty at this stage of life is to take care of yourselves responsibly. (Will Clare take you in when there is nothing left?)AdvertisementAll requests should be met with: “We’re not giving any more money to you. You can solve your own problems – we believe in you!”Don’t supply excuses or explanations.Dear Amy: I chat with my sister a few times per week on the phone. We usually call each other on a whim.More and more lately, she multi-tasks while we are talking, either preparing and eating a snack, or driving, etc.The problem is that these activities create a lot of noises, some of which are quite distracting or even grating through the phone.When she’s driving, the call often cuts out.AdvertisementShe has even called me while at a cafe, then asks me to hold on while she orders or pays.If I am in the middle of something when she calls, I ask her if I can get back to her in a few minutes.If I notice she’s multi-tasking when I call, I offer to call back later, but she usually says no and carries on with what she is doing.What is accepted modern phone etiquette?– Hanging on the LineDear Hanging: It’s not necessarily “modern,” but basic good manners means that you don’t talk with your mouth full of food, initiate a conversation when you’re in the middle of a transaction (or vice versa), or choose to contact someone when you can’t pay full attention.AdvertisementDon’t offer to call back. Ask your sister if she could call back when there isn’t so much background noise.Dear Amy: I applaud your response to “Regretful,” the gentleman who has been divorced from his first wife for many years and wants to apologize.I wholeheartedly agree with your encouragement regarding this apology.When my first husband and I had been divorced for 34 years, he called out of the blue and apologized for everything.Ask AmyDailyNo-nonsense advice for better living delivered to your inbox every morning. For a limited time, sign up for the Ask Amy newsletter and get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.I didn’t realize I needed to hear that, but I did.He died very unexpectedly six weeks later. I’m thankful that he passed with a clear heart.Advertisement– JudyDear Judy: “A clear heart.” That’s what we should all strive for.Got a question for Amy? Enter it here and we’ll send it to her.Sign up here to receive the Ask Amy newsletter to get advice e-mailed to your inbox every morning, and for a limited time — get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.©2021 Amy Dickinson.

Adrian Matejka, Indiana’s former poet laureate from 2018-2019, is still trying to figure out Chicago’s bus system. He laughs about missing his bus heading to the Poetry Foundation on Superior Street because a new neighbor recognized him and said, “I love poetry, and heard that you’re the new editor. Let’s talk.”He graciously introduced himself and Matejka offered his thanks to the neighbor for supporting poetry. As he left his building, he watched the bus drive away.Advertisement“I ended up sitting out there pouring sweat with a suit coat on in the sun and made it here — earlier than y’all did, luckily, so I was able to settle down. If you had been here 10 minutes earlier, you would have thought: ‘Man, this guy is in over his head,’” he said.Matejka is laid back with a lilting voice that one can only surmise comes from years of honing his craft in public readings. The list of writing awards he’s been nominated for is long: His third collection of poems, “The Big Smoke,” was a finalist for the 2013 National Book Award, the 2014 Hurston/Wright Legacy Award and the 2014 Pulitzer Prize in poetry, while his most recent collection of poems, “Somebody Else Sold the World,” was a finalist for the 2022 Rilke Prize.AdvertisementThe Poetry Foundation and Poetry magazine announced Adrian Matejka will join Poetry as the new editor. (E. Jason Wambsgans / Chicago Tribune)Now, the Indiana University Bloomington Ruth Lilly professor in English is also Poetry magazine’s first Black editor in it’s 110-year history. His presence comes after Michelle Boone in 2021 became president of the nonprofit Poetry Foundation, which oversees the magazine. She is the first woman and person of color to lead the institution.Matejka takes the editorship after the Poetry Foundation came under fire for its initial response to protests following George Floyd’s death in 2020 and what some perceived as a slow response in providing financial aid to artists during the pandemic. In June 2020, then Poetry Foundation President Henry Bienen resigned after more than 1,800 people signed an open letter denouncing the foundation for failing to do more to support marginalized artists. Since then, the foundation issued a plan to work toward long-term equity and expanded grant funding.“It’s wild to be the first Black editor … to be the first editor of color at all, it’s a wonderful honor and also points to the complicated legacy of this magazine,” Matejka said. “It’s such a central institution to the work that poets do and at the same time, for a long time, it was incredibly homogenistic.” He said it’s not that dissimilar to the laureateship in Indiana in the sense of a bigger arts organization/entity not really thinking about diversity or how to be representative in these communities until the past 10 years.“When Gwendolyn Brooks won the Pulitzer in poetry in 1950, there wasn’t another Black Pulitzer Prize winner until Rita Dove in 1987. There are long stretches between these acknowledgments and in between the institutions, they are catering to the people who cater to them,” Matejka said. “For a very long time, poetry — the art — was just highlighting white men, occasionally a white woman, an action that reflects our country’s resistance to diversity. The good thing about a democracy is that if you have a lot of voters of color, they can vote for candidates of color, but that’s not how arts organizations work. It’s not how literary journals work. It’s not how magazines work; but now they do. Michelle is here; our staff is incredibly diverse and we’re all holding hands in common cause to make (the magazine) look more like what our community looks like.”We spoke with Matejka at the Poetry Foundation building about his plans as editor of Poetry magazine before his first issue is released in October. The interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.Q: Did this position seem like a good segue after the laureateship or did you see an opportunity and apply for it?It’s kind of in between those things. I left the laureateship after my two years. COVID happened, but I was still teaching. And then this opportunity presented itself. … When they first interviewed me, I wasn’t sure if it was the right job for me, but I hadn’t talked to Michelle and I hadn’t met the board or the current staff at the magazine. I just was thinking about that (open) letter, thinking about the work that was involved in that and trying to figure out how I might situate myself as a poet but also as someone who thinks about community all the time and thinks about what I can do to support poetry in the world.AdvertisementQ: Can you share your goals for this position? We all know cultural change takes time.I’m lucky because the staff with the foundation and magazine are all committed to that (change). It makes it a little bit easier to start to think about how to affect it when everyone is in agreement that we need to make some changes. Now we have to figure out what that change looks like.For me, it starts with the magazine and how it’s positioned in the world, in the pages. And who are we creating space for on those pages who haven’t been in there before? We’re committed to trying to have a third of each magazine be people who haven’t been published in it before, and this is an ongoing thing.One of the things I decided we were going to do as a magazine is instead of trying to figure out how to rectify all the omissions and erasures that have happened over the long history of the 110 years of this magazine, we’re going to focus on figuring out how to highlight the people that should have been there to start with.In the first issue, there’s going to be a folio of poet Carolyn Rodgers, who’s from Chicago, a phenomenal poet and was never in the magazine, and she’s part of the Black Arts Movement. AdvertisementQ: With the cultural shift, there’s also the building of trust. For those who’ve been unseen for so long, how do you tell them the magazine is working to gain their trust?It’s already showing in the magazine; people aren’t looking in the same way. I hope they will look now. We got a Black president. We’ve got a Black editor. That not only looks different in the staff room, it looks different in the pages too. We can’t really tell them anything that’s going to convince skeptics that change has happened, but when they see it, when we show them through our programming and in the pages themselves, that’s when I think it all starts to become clear that this is a whole other Poetry Foundation.Q: Was there any hesitation on your part in steering this transformation?The challenge for me was trying to figure out whether or not I could be a good steward of this magazine, while also taking care of my own work and how that would affect me, the human being. I’ve been an editor before full-time and I wasn’t able to find a way to write. One of the things that I was thinking about with this job was that maybe there’s a different version of writing I’m supposed to be doing now. Right now is a time where the kind of creating I’m doing is creating spaces for people and making opportunities for others. And if I walk away from that, what kind of person does that make me? Who am I in the world when I was being offered this opportunity to have access to these resources and to have a platform in Poetry magazine to showcase poetry in the world? I’m gonna say “No, I’m good?” I’m going to work on my own poems?That is a perfectly acceptable decision to make and I’m sure some people did, who were approached about the job. It’s not that I don’t understand that. It’s just that so many people helped me as I was coming up as a writer and a scholar, so many people who didn’t have to take their time out to mentor me. They didn’t have to take the time out to look at a poem. The people who stopped their lives to help me, I’d be disrespecting them if I didn’t take advantage of those opportunities to do that for other people.AdvertisementQ: Any plans for community outreach? For those in marginalized communities to come to the Poetry Foundation and engage with you?There are two competing things: incredible need in our community for exposure, access to education about poetry, and there’s a hunger for it. And then there are a number of people who do that work, but then they overextend themselves trying to figure out how to do it. And at a place like the Poetry Foundation, it becomes a question of how do you get here? Are we going to be available in that moment?One of the things that I would like to do with the magazine is turn it outward, and we’re going to people as opposed to them coming to us. That’s going to involve the staff. But a lot of that, at least in my vision going forward, is going to involve contributors and community members who are already doing this work and we can support them because we can’t do it all by ourselves. That’s what I learned as a laureate. … I think that’s the way we’re going to be going forward — not only trying to do the work ourselves but trying to find ways to create connections and create access through already existing organizations.drockett@chicagotribune.com

Dear Amy: I have a very supportive family, but they are not able to be financially supportive of me as an adult.I am very proud that I am about to pay off my student debt. My wife and I, both employed full time, are looking to buy our first home.AdvertisementMy wife’s family would like to help us out financially, which is kind but unnecessary.They called my wife to offer money, and she refused.AdvertisementIt became an argument, and they responded by threatening to deposit money into an account in her name.I know I feel more strongly about doing this without their help than my wife does.Her parents will not bring this up when I am there (they told her that they know how I feel, so they decided to talk to her alone).Her parents mean well but have a pattern of ignoring “no” when they feel like it, and I have felt violated in their efforts to “help” several times before.My wife and I agree when they have overstepped, but we haven’t always agreed about what to do when it happens or how to change their behavior.The idea of being ignored and the thought that these conversations are done intentionally without me being present makes me very angry.Any suggestions for if I can say anything directly, or how to keep calm about this?I would really appreciate an outside perspective.Advertisement– Upset HusbandDear Husband: First of all, there is nothing wrong with graciously accepting a gift. Some prosperous parents are choosing to essentially spend down their inheritance during their lifetimes.You should ask yourself if your refusal is a result of you being too rigid or possibly as controlling as these parents seem to be. (I’m not saying you are, but you should explore this honestly.)Your wife has the right to accept money from her folks, but she should also understand the ramifications in terms of ceding control over to them.Their disrespectful response that they will open an account in your wife’s name (I don’t think you can do this) is … significant. That sound you hear is them leaping over your backyard fence.You and your wife are supposed to be partners: Emotional, relational, and financial.AdvertisementWhen you married, you decided to form a family together, with the two of you in the center of your family. Both sets of parents should respect your partnership and take one giant step back.While any of us might not want to look a financial gift-horse in the mouth, the way you describe these elders and their refusal to take “thanks but no thanks” as an answer makes them seem both interfering and controlling.I can imagine that this makes your wife feel quite conflicted and sad, but if you two can agree as a couple on a specific and consistent response to this, she will feel empowered, and you will be able to keep your cool.A relationship counselor could help you two to agree on basic parameters.Dear Amy: I have a friend whom I’ve known for decades.My friend has a 16-year-old child who is shy, quiet and smart, but who can’t get a word in edgewise when we three are together.AdvertisementIs there a way to suggest to the parent that this friend takes all the air out of the room?It might help the child to be able to say what they want, but I don’t want to lose a friend.How should I approach this?– Attentive FriendDear Attentive: Speaking for a child is a habit that many parents have; for some, this may start when their child is very young, quiet or shy. The parent jumps in to relieve the child of the pressure to speak. Once the parent does this, it’s hard to stop.(How do I know this? Because I did it!)AdvertisementWhen you are with the parent and the teen, you can ask a question directly to the teen. When the parent jumps in, interrupt gently and say, “Hold on a minute – I’d love to hear [your child’s] answer.”Ask AmyDailyNo-nonsense advice for better living delivered to your inbox every morning. For a limited time, sign up for the Ask Amy newsletter and get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.Dear Amy: “Estranged in-law” excessively worried that his young son would wonder why he didn’t have contact with his grandfather. Thank you for encouraging these two dads to give their child a simple and truthful answer.Parents often hand their drama over to their children.– Been ThereDear Been There: Children can understand that no two families are alike – and that’s OK!Got a question for Amy? Enter it here and we’ll send it to her.AdvertisementSign up here to receive the Ask Amy newsletter to get advice e-mailed to your inbox every morning, and for a limited time — get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.©2021 Amy Dickinson.

Dear Amy: One evening at a party about five months ago, I inadvertently witnessed a passionate kiss between the husband of the family giving the party, and the nanny to the children.It was dark in the room (I had been resting there).AdvertisementWhen the man subsequently turned on the light, I said nothing.He urged me to “give him a chance to fix it,” and not to tell his wife, the hostess.AdvertisementSeveral times during the evening he sought me out and asked for time and silence.I told him I did not keep secrets from my partner (his wife’s father). He told me he would be seeking couple’s therapy.He then stunned me again, by saying that he and his wife hadn’t had sex for 12 years.I told my partner what I had seen, and he was much less concerned, saying his daughter might not even mind if she found out.The nanny cried and told me how sorry she was, and that she was desperately in love with the husband. She said that she was returning to school abroad.The nanny didn’t leave for a couple of months, which was agony for me. I kept my distance from everyone. Keeping this secret was a burden.I was worried that my friend would find out later that both I and her father knew, and that she would resent us.The husband still has not told his wife, although he promised to. He tells me he has a lot of rage, that the situation is very delicate, and he is afraid if he tells his wife, the marriage will be destroyed.AdvertisementI don’t want to be the cause of a total breakdown of the marriage, at the same time, I need to have an honest relationship with people I care about.How should I proceed? Forgetting what I saw is impossible, of course.– Accidental WitnessDear Witness: On a very deep level, none of this is any of your business, and yet the principals won’t shut up about it, so with every entreaty, they are drawing you further in.You are even being gaslighted into this statement: “I don’t want to be the cause of a total breakdown of this marriage.”You haven’t caused anything. The husband’s marriage is his responsibility, not yours.Advertisement(I’m also wondering about how he hasn’t had sex with his wife for 12 years and yet has children young enough to require a live-in nanny.)The next time he seeks you out for a confession, you should either tell him to kindly STOP TALKING, or just commence the process of blackmailing him (just kidding, folks), and get it over with.There is no “right” thing to do; you might start a “ticking clock” and tell the husband that you can’t in good conscience keep this secret, and either he talks to his wife by a deadline you set – or you will.When that date arrives, assume that the deed has been done and they are working things out privately, don’t act further, and move on.Dear Amy: I have a friend who recently “broke up” with a girl he was dating. He seems to be handling it well, but an old attraction of his (who is NOT good for him at all) has resurfaced, and I’m worried that she’ll take advantage of his emotional state.What should I do?Advertisement– Worried for a FriendDear Worried: What you do is put your hands together, hold onto your thoughts, and hope for the best.If you are asked to weigh in, tell your pal that you are worried that he is at risk of repeating a bad pattern.It is extremely challenging to witness people in your circle make questionable choices. But some people need to get burned a couple of times before they know to stay away from an old flame.Dear Amy: “Upset” seemed incredulous at the thought of a six-year-old knowing about sperm and eggs.My mother began teaching me about body parts, what they do, and how, from a very young age.AdvertisementAt age 4 or 5 I absolutely knew about sperm, eggs, and how they met each other. I never became a promiscuous teen mom or a drug addict.People do not give children enough credit for their ability to learn about the world and life.Ask AmyDailyNo-nonsense advice for better living delivered to your inbox every morning. For a limited time, sign up for the Ask Amy newsletter and get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.Please! Teach you little ones about what bodies do– Precocious, Not PromiscuousDear Precocious: Information leads to knowledge, which leads to self-awareness.Your mother did it right.AdvertisementGot a question for Amy? Enter it here and we’ll send it to her.Sign up here to receive the Ask Amy newsletter to get advice e-mailed to your inbox every morning, and for a limited time — get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.©2021 Amy Dickinson.

A layer of mulch is a powerful way to defend your plants against summer heat, drought and overbearing weeds, while improving the soil to nourish their roots. But what is the best kind of mulch?“There are many materials you can use to create a mulch layer,” said Sharon Yiesla, plant knowledge specialist in the Plant Clinic at The Morton Arboretum in Lisle. “The critical thing is that it should always be made from plants.”AdvertisementPlant-based mulch is powerful because it emulates the way plants live in nature. When leaves, stalks, dead branches, and other plant materials fall to the ground, they form a protective layer over the soil. That layer of leaf litter keeps soil moist around plants’ roots and insulates them against extremes of heat and cold. Over time, a wide array of soil-dwelling organisms, including insects, fungi and bacteria, will consume the litter, breaking it down to improve the soil.What you choose for mulch in your garden may depend on price, availability, where you’re using the mulch and how long you want it to last. “In general, the larger the pieces of material in mulch, the longer it will take to decay,” Yiesla said.AdvertisementA mulch of composted leaves is used on garden beds at The Morton Arboretum. Many materials can make a beneficial mulch layer, as long as they are derived from plants. (Beth Botts/Morton Arboretum)Shredded wood. This is the most widely available kind of mulch in the Midwest. A bag labeled mulch at the home center most likely contains shredded byproducts from the lumber industry. Shredded wood mulch lasts a year or two. It works well around trees, shrubs and perennials, but may be too coarse and lumpy for beds where you will dig often, such as vegetable gardens.This kind of mulch also can be ordered in bulk from landscape supply yards and some garden centers. It is sold by the cubic yard.Dyed mulch. Shredded wood that is dyed black, brown or red is common. The dyes themselves won’t hurt plants. They are used to give a uniform appearance to a mixture of shredded wood from demolition sites, old pallets, and other reclaimed wood. “It’s not necessarily harmful, but you just don’t know what’s in it,” Yiesla said. The Mulch and Soil Council, an industry group, has guidelines for the content of mulch. Look for its seal on bags.Fresh wood chips. Tree-trimming crews use shredders to reduce branches to coarse wood chips. Sometimes homeowners can get a load of those chips for free from tree companies, utility crews, or municipalities. Since the chunks are large, this kind of mulch is best around trees and shrubs, where it is likely to take several years to break down. “You probably don’t want those big, awkward lumps in the soil of your garden beds where you’re likely to be working,” Yiesla said. To seek out free wood chips, start by asking your local municipality. Some have piles of mulch available to residents.Composted wood chips. The Arboretum uses wood chips that have been allowed to break down slightly to mulch its trees and shrubs and on its unpaved trails. A similar material, available from landscape supply companies, is dark brown with a less raw appearance than fresh wood chips.Leaves. An excellent and abundant mulch, leaves are free, if you remember to collect them in autumn when they fall from the trees. The thin, light leaves will break down fairly quickly, which makes them good for beds of annuals, vegetables and perennials. “You do need to renew leaf mulch fairly often,” Yiesla said, “but after all, nature renews it every year.” The Arboretum uses leaf mulch in all its garden beds, after the leaves have been allowed to compost for a few months.To prevent leaves from blowing around or forming an impenetrable mat, shred them by raking them into a pile on the grass and running the lawn mower over them. Some gardeners stow away a supply of leaves each fall, whole or shredded, to use for mulch or to add to the compost pile throughout the year.Straw. Stalks from wheat and other grains are a traditional mulch in vegetable gardens since they break down over the course of a growing season. In the city and suburbs, straw may be hard to find and relatively expensive. It also may contain weed seeds.AdvertisementCocoa mulch. Shells from roasted cocoa beans are sometimes available. They make an attractive, fine-textured mulch. Pet owners should be aware that they may contain compounds dangerous to dogs.“Any plant-based mulch will benefit your plants, but if appearance is important to you, decide on a material and use it consistently,” Yiesla said. That way, when mulch becomes thin because the lower layers are breaking down, you can simply add more of the same type to the top.Just be careful not to make it too deep. Mulch should be 1 to 2 inches deep around perennials, annuals and vegetables, and 3 to 4 inches deep around trees and shrubs.One material to avoid is gravel. “We don’t consider that mulch,” Yiesla said. “Rocks can’t do for your plants what a real, plant-based mulch will do.”For tree and plant advice, contact the Plant Clinic at The Morton Arboretum (630-719-2424, mortonarb.org/plant-clinic, or plantclinic@mortonarb.org). Beth Botts is a staff writer at the Arboretum.

Dear Amy: My daughter is 33, living on her own, thriving in her career, and in most aspects doing very well. She lives in a different city, so I only see her several times a year. We talk on the phone often.When she was a teenager, she had an eating disorder (anorexia). We intervened and took her to an expert therapist who worked with her for two years. She developed many tools to deal with her disordered eating.AdvertisementStress is a trigger and can send her into anxiety disorder behaviors.She is currently trying to relocate to another state, and I am concerned (mostly from her social media posts) that she may be dealing with disordered eating habits again. She looks very thin.AdvertisementHer brother told me that he is very concerned, but he doesn’t feel she would be open to any concerns/suggestions he may have.She is ultra-sensitive when I question anything about her eating.When she was in therapy her therapist had told the family members that we needed to let her make her own choices about food – to put her in control.I fear she’s dealing with her current stress in a way that is unhealthy.How do you suggest I best help without alienating her?– Concerned ParentDear Concerned: As with some other diseases, eating disorders can flare – even many years after successful treatment. Stress is a definite risk factor, and can lead to a relapse.Understand a basic truth: We all become most defensive when confronted with our deepest vulnerabilities.AdvertisementYour daughter is an adult. She is ultimately responsible for managing her health.Her eating disorder can be considered a chronic disease. If she had an auto-immune disease (also triggered by stress), you would want to prompt her to take care of her health.Expressing your concern in a loving way might trigger a defensive reaction.And yet – you are her mother, and if you are brave enough to talk to her, you will be demonstrating that you care, that you are on her side, that you see her eating disorder as an illness and not a character flaw, and that you are available for help if she needs it.Talk to her: “This is such a stressful time for you. I’m worried that your eating disorder could flare. How are you managing your health right now? Can I help you in any way?”She may respond, “Mom – stop.” And that’s OK. You can respond, “Honey – I do worry, but I can handle my own anxieties. I just want you to know that I’ve got your back. Always.”AdvertisementThe National Eating Disorders Association (nationaleatingdisorders.org) offers helpful advice for families.Dear Amy: My beloved husband left this physical earth 20 months ago.I did not have a gravestone unveiling.Recently, a close family friend went to visit our gravesite and place flowers there.Our plaque has his date of birth and date of death.She then posted a photo of this to Facebook and shared it with her entire “friends” list, some of whom I do not know.AdvertisementI was a bit shocked to see the picture, which I found because I was scrolling on my own Facebook page.I realize our gravesite is public, but am I wrong in thinking that she should not have posted and shared it everywhere without asking permission?Am I a relic?I found this to be disrespectful.– UpsetDear Upset: I can well imagine how you must have felt to see a photo of this memorial marker on social media.AdvertisementFor me, this begs the question: Can we do anything anymore that remains private or personal?I ask (rhetorically): Can we eat a meal, have an argument, do a good deed, or visit a friend’s gravesite without posting an update about it?You could contact your friend and say, “I’m so grateful that you visited my husband’s grave. Thank you so much for honoring us with the visit and flowers. However, I was sad to see that you posted a photo of it on Facebook. Seeing the photo without knowing it would be there was a shock for me. I wish you had asked me first.”Ask AmyDailyNo-nonsense advice for better living delivered to your inbox every morning. For a limited time, sign up for the Ask Amy newsletter and get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.Dear Amy: I’m a bartender. Thank you so much for recognizing the role that responsible bartenders play in trying to keep our patrons safe.Any customer who feels worried or unsafe should absolutely alert the bartender and/or security staff. We can often handle a situation safely and discreetly.– Chicago BartenderAdvertisementDear Bartender: Thank you very sincerely for your service.Got a question for Amy? Enter it here and we’ll send it to her.Sign up here to receive the Ask Amy newsletter to get advice e-mailed to your inbox every morning, and for a limited time — get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.©2021 Amy Dickinson.