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For a number of culinary-minded Chicagoans, the name Beatnik conjures visions of the tropical, boho-opulent restaurants of Bonhomme Group, whose signature daring, outrageous color schemes are also found at its fancy and fanciful Celeste and the fringy glow of late-night burlesque at Bordel.Ever the innovator, Bonhomme frontman Dani Alonso is taking his penchant for the maximalist aesthetic to Galicia, Spain, where he is opening his first hotel, Casa Beatnik, a camellia pink boutique inn 20 minutes south of Santiago de Compostela on the Iberian Peninsula’s northwestern tip.AdvertisementCasa Beatnik is a colorfully renovated boutique hotel housed in a Spanish countryside manor with a working vineyard in Galicia, which borders Portugal on the Iberian Peninsula. (Andrea Caccuro)“I offer the rare combination of both an outsider and an insider’s perspective. I’ve been coming to Galicia my entire life, almost 46 years, consistently for weeks at a time,” he says. Alonso’s parents are natives of Galicia, and he has spent summers there every year with his family.Alonso describes Galicia as a region “steeped in tradition but rebelling against it.” He’s in love with its coastal fishing villages, its beaches, its grassy and mossy granite countryside peppered with vineyards and farmland, and its unique culture and language, influenced both by its neighbor, Portugal, and by the Celts who populated it in the fifth and sixth centuries.AdvertisementPorto, his lush West Town Chicago restaurant, which earned a Michelin star in 2021, reflects that love, and now so will Casa Beatnik.“When you’re going to have the audacity, as we have had, to cross the Atlantic and plant ourselves here and plant the Bonhomme flag in Spain, I think that Galicia deserves tremendous respect,” Alonso says. “The stories that we want to tell we had to meet our audacity with boldness and a serious investment.”As with the world’s best hotels, guests will find themselves plagued with the perfect conundrum: stay on-site and soak up the property’s unique splendor and charming hospitality, or leave your home base to explore the rich region that surrounds you. Plan well to allow time for both.Casa Beatnik is a colorfully renovated boutique hotel housed in a Spanish countryside manor with a working vineyard in Galicia, which borders Portugal on the Iberian Peninsula. (Andrea Caccuro)Casa Beatnik is a colorfully renovated boutique hotel housed in a Spanish countryside manor with a working vineyard in Galicia, which borders Portugal on the Iberian Peninsula. (Andrea Caccuro)Former home of late 19th-century Galician novelist, theologian and historian Antonio Lopez Ferreiro, the 7-acre property lies just a few clicks downhill from the ninth-century Camino de Santiago. Known in English as the Way of St. James and marked with a yellow scallop shell logo, it’s historically part of one of the three great pilgrimages of Christendom, and this final ⅔-mile stretch remains popular for both pilgrims and tourists.For years, the property existed as a pazo, a traditional countryside manor common in Galicia, and later as a family-run hotel and winery producing the local white Rías Baixas Albariño from old vines.Alonso and his brother Juan Carlos, who moved to Galicia to oversee the project, completely transformed the space, preserving historic and traditional elements like the pergola-style grape trellises in the working vineyard, and the stone chapel, while adding luxurious globally sourced flourishes to the 14 guest rooms within. “We ourselves are travelers and nomads, having crossed the ocean to come here. We have that sensibility,” Alonso says. “So we wanted to create a place that celebrates, you know, our favorite things from around the world.”When you visit, you are quite likely to lose track of your travel companion for a time. You might find them sunk deep into a cozy couch, lolling under Italian Murano glass chandeliers; strolling past leafy grape vines, camellia bushes and fruit trees; gazing into the stream-fed koi pond; or enjoying a Licor 43-based lemon drop cocktail while standing in the red-tiled saltwater pool. The Bonhomme team designed the 21-plus space in vignettes, a collection of experiential moments to immerse and get lost in, like a corn maze for the caviar set.There’s a sauna and spa, therapeutic massages and yoga, plus glamping yurts for the cycling and Camino crowd. And the aforementioned chapel? The Alonsos converted the sacred space into The Cottage, a sultry, secret sleeping spot for the ultimate privacy seekers clocking in at a luxurious 860 square feet.AdvertisementGlamping yurts look out on Albarino grape vines at Casa Beatnik. (Andrea Caccuro)Rooms, which start at approximately $315 per night, are spacious and comfortable, and are furnished with the same eye for global design as the common spaces, draped with Suzani throws, antique furniture and free-standing Antoniolupi bathtubs. There’s Wi-Fi throughout, but you’re just as likely to find no need for Netflix or email in such dazzling surroundings.As with its two Chicago locations, Beatnik restaurant is dripping with signature Alonso vibes, with piles of pillows, dozens of parti-colored Berber baskets, rows of potted palms, and a Moroccan concrete-tiled patio with a retractable glass roof that allows ever-changing views of Galicia’s ever-changing weather. Raindrops plinking above provide a particularly soothing atmosphere, but mist, rainbows, sunshine and clouds show up interchangeably, as dependable as daily sunsets.At Beatnik, overseen by Bonhomme Group’s chef Marcos Campos, the flavors of Mexico, Peru and Morocco meet the rich local bounty of ingredients and natural resources. Local ingredients shine through a global lens: ceviche of fresh-caught corvina melds with leche de tigre; cochinita pibil morphs into meatballs; and rich B’stilla pastries are filled with deliciously spiced local poultry.A scenic view of Tribú, a tasting menu restaurant housed on the sprawling Casa Beatnik property in Galicia, Spain. (Andrea Caccuro)At Tribú, the open-air-but-make-it-insulated fine-dining spot, the team brings tasting menus to the Tiki hut. You’ll eat impossibly tiny vegetables from a nearby farm, seasonal treasures like white asparagus and whole turbot from the wood grill, or crisped sweetbreads with a rich anchovy sauce. Each dish is plated on Galician ceramics and expertly paired with diverse wines from Galicia’s grapes — not just the wondrously aromatic Albariño, but Godello, Mencía, Bastardo, and other varieties that are being vinified in experimental ways to heighten their diverse character. The woven esparto grass textiles that line the space allow for views of the chefs grilling, chopping, and firing up the outdoor wood oven.Once guests are rested and ready to venture out to explore the region, Alonso and the staff at Casa Beatnik are happy to share advice about their beloved Galicia. “I’ve explored Galicia north, south, east and west, and I think I know what makes her special,” Alonso says. “I can curate, knowing what I think an international traveler and a fellow Chicagoan is looking for, what their top 10 magical experiences could be or should be in Galicia.”Turn south perhaps, to the verdant hills of Ourense, where Galician cattle graze and Mencía grapes thrive, to hike the Camino and other natural trails, and bathe in thermal hot springs.AdvertisementGalicia is the Spanish region on the Iberian Peninsula’s northwest tip. It borders Portugal, the Atlantic Ocean and the Cantabrian Sea. (Andrea Caccuro)Turn north and drive 20 minutes to Santiago de la Compostela, a college town and magnificent historical and religious landmark packed with restaurants, bars, bakeries and a fine public market stacked with an unreal array of sparkling fresh sea creatures, local cheeses and fresh produce. Have lunch on the patio at Abastos 2.0 (abastosdouspuntocero.com), where you can slurp up all the exceptional shellfish you just ogled at the market across the street.Or keep going north or west to the wild Atlantic coast, through a countryside dotted with farmland, grapevines and pazos, to see the sparkling rías, the typical estuaries of the region, the fishing ports, and to enjoy all sorts of restaurants — from local tabernas, pulperías, and marisquerías to Michelin-starred fine dining, all within a 90-minute drive of the hotel.If Alonso has his way, visitors will enjoy both getting lost in Casa Beatnik and exploring beyond its walls.“You get to walk away from Galicia saying, ‘Wow, this is an extraordinary place,’” he says. “It hits on all the senses. It’s a little hidden jewel.”Lisa Futterman is a freelance writer.

Dear Amy: My girlfriend and I have been together for over 10 years and have three kids together, ages 7, 4, and 2 years old. Once our first was born, I gave up going out and drinking — no complaints.I feel like the kids are well taken care of. However, her moodiness and spending habits have gotten worse. I generally don’t complain about it, but when she asks, I am calmly honest. Sometimes that leads to me being yelled at.AdvertisementI’m not perfect, but I’m pretty dang good. I cook at least half the meals, buy at least half the groceries, spend a lot of time reading and playing with the kids, and I try to involve her in anything I want to do: Hunting, fishing, watching movies/sports, games, whatever. But if I suggest it, she doesn’t like it.She screamed at me because I bought a house for us, even though I had been screamed at for years because we were renting.AdvertisementShe’s mad that even though she contributed nothing to the purchase, I wouldn’t put her on the deed, due to her past bankruptcies.We agreed to split household bills and the mortgage (“rent,” as she calls it) 50/50, but she is always late with her payments.I’m ready to contact a lawyer to draw up eviction papers.My preference is to have the kids stay with me 100 percent of the time. Fifty-fifty is what she’d want.With a 50/50 arrangement I find it highly unfair that I would owe her anything.The fact that I make three times what she does means I should have to pay for her choosing a bad profession? Ridiculous.Basically, I want my kids and I want to continue living my life. I’d rather not drag her through the mud in court, even though I think she’s emotionally abusive to me and the kids.Seriously, my best plan right now is to serve her eviction papers if she continues to be angry all the time.AdvertisementAny better suggestions?– Mr. Pretty Dang Good DadDear Mr. Good: First this: You may not be able to simply “evict” your partner, just because you want her out.Money is obviously a key issue for you, but you make triple your partner’s income and yet you two split your mortgage and expenses 50/50. Why is that? Also, depending on what state you live in, income you’ve earned during your relationship could be considered “community property.”Before breaking up the family, you should invite the mother of your children into counseling so that you both might learn better ways of relating and behaving.A lawyer would update you about your legal rights and responsibilities regarding your children. If you truly are a martyr to your screaming wife, and not someone with a martyr complex, the court might award you sole custody, but if you share custody, because you are the higher earner, you would likely be expected to help support the other household; this is intended for the benefit of the children.AdvertisementMediation might be the least expensive (and least stressful) way for you two to part ways.Dear Amy: My parents have been dead for many years now.I have a sibling who visits their grave every day and takes pictures of the gravesite.I don’t know why my sibling feels they must do this daily, but I do not like receiving pictures of the gravesite. I find it quite odd.I believe this is a somewhat delicate situation, and don’t want to hurt their feelings.How can I let them know I don’t want to receive the pictures?Advertisement– Sad SiblingDear Sad: Memorial Day isn’t too far off. If it is possible, you might want to visit your sibling and go to your folks’ gravesite together.I hope you won’t judge the choice to visit these graves every day. Some people find cemeteries to be beautiful and quiet spaces inviting contemplation (I happen to be one of those people).Tell your sibling: “These pictures of the gravesite really trigger my sadness. Can you do me a favor and not send them to me?”Dear Amy: “H0 Scale” was burdened by a model train set moldering at his father’s house. His father seemed to want to dispose of the set, but both men seemed conflicted.Ask AmyDailyNo-nonsense advice for better living delivered to your inbox every morning. For a limited time, sign up for the Ask Amy newsletter and get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.He could turn this “model” train connection with dad into many real train adventures.AdvertisementThere are many trains around North America offering scenic tours.– Time Well SpentDear Time Well Spent: I love this idea.Got a question for Amy? Enter it here and we’ll send it to her.Sign up here to receive the Ask Amy newsletter to get advice e-mailed to your inbox every morning, and for a limited time — get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.©2021 Amy Dickinson.

While some might have been looking for drink specials and taco twofers on Cinco de Mayo, the Mexican communities in Chicago, for 40 years, celebrated the holiday by commemorating the Batalla de Puebla in Little Village with a parade on Cermak Road and a festival.Until 2018, when the tradition was derailed.AdvertisementThey haven’t been able to organize the parade and festival since 2018 because of misunderstandings that happened between the organizers and 12th Ward Ald. George Cardenas when he showed a lack of support for the event. Héctor Escobar, president of both Casa Puebla and the Cermak Road Chamber of Commerce, said, “These issues were in the past.” Cardenas declined to comment.2022 was going to be the year of its comeback, but COVID-19 had other plans.AdvertisementA costumed participant in the 2016 Cinco de Mayo Parade runs to catch up with her float. (Nancy Stone / Chicago Tribune)Casa Puebla and the Cermak Road Chamber of Commerce, the organizations that plan the Cinco de Mayo festivities in Little Village, had been planning the return of the parade and festival since November.The organizations had invited bands, school groups, charros, mariachis, dancers, ornamented floats, local businesses to have food and handcraft stands and 4,000 people from Puebla, Mexico, to participate in the parade that would have happened on Sunday, May 1. They were expecting around 100,000 people from the Little Village community and all around Chicago to come to enjoy the parade and a festival in Douglass Park, as they had been doing since 1978.Everything got canceled after an early April COVID-19 outbreak in the organizers’ office. All 12 in-person workers got sick with the virus, and the Casa Puebla director has been in a critical health state since then, Escobar said.“Health goes first because without health we have nothing and that is the biggest thing this pandemic has taught us,” Escobar said in the cancelation announcement. “It is a real shame that we’re not able to do the festival and parade this year because we were going to integrate new cultural and educational elements to the parade to teach people what really happened in the Batalla de Puebla on Cinco de Mayo.”Cinco de Mayo is not a big celebration in Mexico — certainly not as big as it its commercial presence in the United States — but it is a very big holiday in the state of Puebla, where Escobar is from.La Batalla de Puebla took place took place on May 5, 1862, near Puebla City during the Second French Intervention in Mexico. The battle came on the heels of then-President Benito Juárez’s decision to stop paying interest on money owed to France and other countries. So French troops moved in to take over the country, according to the Smithsonian. The battle ended in a victory by the Mexican troops — formed mostly of local Poblanos and Indigenous groups — who were outnumbered by the French.“(This battle) was against the very, very powerful French army, and so really (Mexico) should not have won that battle, but because they were very animated in defending their land they were able to defeat the French,” said Cesáreo Moreno, visual arts director and chief curator of the National Museum of Mexican Art in Pilsen. “That battle really inspired the rest of the country to rally together against the more powerful French army that was invading.“I cannot help right now but think about what’s happening in Ukraine: There’s a very powerful world country that is trying to take over a smaller country and this foreign country seems to be holding its own. So, there’s a lot to be said about defending your own land against an invader and the strength or the power that can come from a few early victories in battle.”AdvertisementThe French eventually overran the Mexicans in subsequent battles, but the Mexican victory at Puebla against a better-equipped force provided a patriotic boost to the Mexicans.People in other parts of Mexico celebrate it with bailables (dances) at school commemorating the date, but not as big as Poblanos do. During Cinco de Mayo, Chicago’s Little Village transforms into a little part of Puebla, celebrating it just like they do back at home for the more than 50,000 Poblanos who live throughout Chicagoland and others from the community who join in to celebrate their “Latinidad.”But there are many people from Mexico living in the U.S. who are weirded out by how important this celebration seems to be.“(Cinco de Mayo) has perfect timing because it’s sort of like springtime and people are excited to get out and start doing things again, and it precedes Memorial Day, which is like the official beginning of summer,” Moreno said. “I think it’s really become this sort of commemorative day in the United States, where people kind of confuse the facts and they oftentimes think that it is a Latin American celebration.”“My family is from northern Mexico, and it was never a thing we celebrated in my community,” said 22nd Ward Ald. Michael Rodríguez.Jorge Ríos, manager at Mi Tierra en La Villita, 2528 S. Kedzie Ave., Chicago, on May 4, 2022. (Terrence Antonio James / Chicago Tribune)Jorge Ríos, manager of the restaurant Mi Tierra en La Villita, who is originally from the state of Guerrero in Mexico, echoed the alderman.Advertisement“People in the U.S. think that this day is the independence of Mexico, but that is actually on Sept. 16,” Ríos said.However, Ríos and Rodríguez both agreed that if this holiday supports Mexican businesses, they’re not against it — as long as people know what they’re celebrating.“I don’t want people to stop celebrating one or the other, it’s just that I would like people who celebrate it (here in the U.S.) to know what Cinco de Mayo is about and when is really our Independence Day … and that they celebrate both!” Ríos said.Jorge Arceo, owner of El Nuevo Taconazo restaurant, 2350 West Cermak Road in Chicago, on May 4, 2022. (Terrence Antonio James / Chicago Tribune)For Jorge Arceo and Ariana Quintana, owner and manager of El Nuevo Taconero on Cermak Road, this event has transformed into a big celebration not only of Mexicans but all people of Latin American ethnicity in this country and it also helps Latin American-owned businesses.“Cinco de Mayo used to be one of our busiest days with more flux of clientele with the people that came to the festival, but since it has stopped, it has affected us a lot,” Arceo said.AdvertisementCinco de Mayo is a very busy day for Mi Tierra en La Villita as well, Ríos said, but since the pandemic began, the attendance of the restaurant suffered a lot. Now, it is beginning to surge again, and he thought that with the parade happening, it would have been back to pre-pandemic levels.Ana Salas, a server at La Casa de Samuel on Cermak Road, said that since she arrived in the U.S. more than three decades ago from Jalisco, Mexico, the celebration of Cinco de Mayo called her attention.“It seemed a bit weird that they celebrated it so much because that is not how it is in Mexico, but I liked it a lot because people (in Little Village) celebrate the culture, music, food and traditions,” she said. “I did ask myself why (they celebrate it so big) and to this day, I still don’t know.”Restaurant server Vania Orozco Ramirez prepares tortillas at La Casa de Samuel on May 2, 2022. (Raquel Zaldivar / Chicago Tribune)Salas and Arceo both think the festival and parade shouldn’t have been canceled.“It shouldn’t have been canceled because people wait for it for a long time and have expectations, and then they get disappointed when they don’t do it,” Salas said.“Also, Lollapalooza and all the other festivals in the city are still happening. Why shouldn’t the Cinco de Mayo one still happen?” Arceo said. “We all have been affected by the pandemic and a lot of people have lost loved ones, but like people say: ‘The show must go on.’”AdvertisementEscobar, the event’s organizer, said that once all of the festival employees get better and back on their feet, they will begin organizing next year’s Cinco de Mayo parade and festival. “Primero Dios that next year the pandemic is more controlled and we can do our events without worries,” he said.tmijares@chicagotribune.com

Spanish was rarely spoken at home while Luis Eduardo Sanchez was growing up in the early 2000s. He attended a predominantly white elementary and middle school in suburban Illinois. Despite being a son of a Mexican immigrant father and a Chicana mother, he recalls not feeling comfortable embracing their roots. “I was kind of ashamed of my culture,” he said. Growing up in spaces that didn’t celebrate his Mexican heritage pushed him away from it.In high school, everything changed. When Sanchez participated in a talent show his senior year at Morton West High School, he sported a traditional Mexican outfit and held the Mexican and the Chicano flags up high while he sang an ode to his Chicano identity.AdvertisementIt was at Morton West, a predominantly Latino school in Cicero, where Sanchez was finally exposed to the beauty of his Mexican roots, he said. There, he was surrounded by the music, the colors and the language like never before. It was also there where he discovered his special appreciation for rancheras, banda, and norteño, traditional Mexican music that his father and grandfather listened to.Now in college, the 18-year-old, who aspires to be a radio personality and announcer, created a radio show in English that aims to showcase and celebrate other Mexican American youth creating regional Mexican music in Chicago and its surroundings. Every Wednesday, Sanchez broadcasts and records his show, “Radio Fuego,” live from the University of Illinois at Chicago campus. The show features live music and interviews with members of new groups and bands made up of other first- and second-generation Mexican Americans like himself.AdvertisementLuis Eduardo Sanchez, left, 18, a freshman at the University of Illinois at Chicago, hosts musicians Gabino Montalvo, center, and Alfredo Valdez in the campus studio on April 27, 2022. (Jose M. Osorio / Chicago Tribune)Young Mexican Americans are no longer ashamed, and instead want to uplift and embrace their music, Sanchez said. It’s a newfound identity, he added: While they are proud to be born in the United States, they’ve learned to encourage and empower each other to be proud of their Mexican roots and find a way to also make it a part of their American identity.“We’re the ‘No sabo’ kids,” Sanchez said, laughing. “But even if we don’t speak perfect Spanish, the music makes us feel connected to our family and it helps us to appreciate the beauty of our culture.”The phrase “no sabo” was popularized on social media to describe Latino youths who speak broken Spanish. Instead of saying “no se,” meaning “I don’t know,” some would say “no sabo.”“Music speaks to me,” Sanchez said. “Listening to old-school music, Pedro Infante and Jose Alfredo Jimenez remind me of my grandpa. I close my eyes and imagine myself in Mexico.”Sanchez’s father, Jose Luis Sanchez, is from a rural town in Guanajuato, Mexico, and immigrated to the Chicago area nearly 30 years ago. Here, he met his wife, a second-generation Mexican American whose parents are from Sonora, and eventually raised their three children, including Sanchez, in Lyons Township.Though Sanchez’s father, a carpenter, would listen to the traditional music and often had live music for family celebrations, he acknowledged that his son was being raised in a very different country — and he didn’t expect his son to ever create a show dedicated to promoting Mexican music for an Anglo audience.“It makes me feel very proud and happy that he found this appreciation for our music within him,” he said.Like Sanchez, many of his guests on the show get a sense of nostalgia from creating the music. Most, he said, are self-taught, learning to play instruments by hearing the music or watching videos of the groups and bands their fathers and grandfathers used to listen to. Others grew up with family members who play music.AdvertisementFor Jesus Antonio Garcia, 20,member of Los Primos del Crucero, it is a family affair. All of the members of the norteño band are his cousins and he was inspired by his father, Jesús “Chuy” García, the accordionist and vocalist for Los Huracanes del Norte, a renowned norteño band.After Sanchez posted a TikTok sharing his vision and asking new and young groups and bands to contact him if they wished to be featured on his radio show, Garcia was one of nearly 200 that reached out.During the hourlong show, Garcia told Sanchez that he mastered playing the accordion during the pandemic and his cousin learned to play the guitar at the same time, after returning from the military. After learning a few songs, the two decided to dedicate more time to their newfound passion and create their own norteño band“My whole life I had been surrounded by norteño music, but I really never had an interest in it; it was just something my father did,” Garcia said. He was raised in Carol Stream with his two other siblings and never intended to play an instrument, let alone sing like his father.As a child, only speaking English, he had a hard time understanding the lyrics of the music his father made. In high school, he set out to learn more Spanish to make sense of the songs.Sometimes, he said, being born here to Mexican parents and not speaking the language pushes people away from their culture. “Some are ashamed for not speaking Spanish, but it’s also something to be proud of.”Advertisement“It’s awesome to be Chicano because I can have the best of both worlds,” Garcia said.New regional Mexican music has emerged from young groups mostly in California and Texas, said Alvaro Obregon, founder of the Chicago Mariachi Project, a not-for-profit organization that implemented the art of mariachi in Chicago schools nearly a decade ago.But in recent years, in Chicago, he has noticed that first- and second-generation Mexican American teens are not only embracing the beauty of mariachi, but many have also discovered that any type of regional Mexican music is an art and want to continue creating it.“When I was a kid, you would get called names if you were playing Mexican music. Now you see quite the opposite,” Obregon said. “Even before with the Chicago Mariachi Project, there were some young people that were no longer ashamed to wear their botas and tejana.”Spaces such as Sanchez’s radio show can help other young Latinos to feel encouraged to create their own music and bring others onto it, Obregon said.Obregon said this new generation of Mexican Americans has rediscovered and redefined their identity in this country by choosing to proudly uplift part of their roots — like the very traditional music — that had been judged and stereotyped.AdvertisementUnlike their parents, these teens and young adults no longer feel the pressure to acculturate, but rather want to uplift their Mexican roots and make them a noticeable part of their American roots, Obregon said.larodriguez@chicagotribune.com

Dear Amy: “Allie” and I became friends when our children were young. We celebrated holidays, vacationed together, and shared in our joys and troubles.Allie is ambitious, friendly, and very extroverted, while I am quiet and introverted. It’s natural that she has a larger circle of friends, most of whom I have also known for years. She’s likeable and good at her work, but very status conscious.AdvertisementI have been a supportive, discreet friend. When she went through some painful years of family estrangement, mine was her surrogate family for holidays. When she needed babysitting help, I kept her kids.For several years, we invited (and paid for) her family to join us on vacation. She was happy to join, but played on her phone and constantly texted friends at home, making plans for when she returned.AdvertisementLast year, she asked my husband and son to mow her lawn when she was ill, which they were happy to do.Amy, I have been left out of friend trips, parties, and other events (where I knew everyone attending); I listened later while she related how much fun they’d had.I felt hurt and upset plenty of times, but I never realized how one-sided this friendship seemed until recently.I am not a perfect friend, but I have other meaningful friendships, and I don’t think this one is worth more of my time, yet I am still wondering about it.I think I’m ready to move on, but why am I harboring such animosity?– A FriendDear Friend: As I write this, I just came inside from picking some daffodils during a late-season snow storm.It occurs to me that there are some things – and some people – worth freezing for. And friendships have their reasons and their seasons.AdvertisementChildhood friends fade from view. College besties scatter. Professional buddies vow to stay in touch after a job change, but don’t.Friendships formed between parents when their kids are young are especially intense, but vulnerable, because these relationships are forged during the crazy days of playdates and sleepovers and emergency babysitting needs.But after the kids grow up and out, you recognize that your parenting brought you together, but your kids were the glue.You feel animosity toward “Allie” because in retrospect you realize that she has not been a good friend to you.You fulfilled some of her social and physical needs; she occasionally reciprocated. That’s what friends do, but that’s not what friends are.True friends are daffodils in the snow, and they are well worth freezing for.AdvertisementNow that the season for this friendship has passed, you should move on.Dear Amy: I have a good relationship with extended family and don’t want to jeopardize it. “Brian” is 15 years old. He is smart, good-looking, and very athletic.The problem is that he picks his nose and chews with his mouth open, and his parents don’t seem to care.I would like to take him aside and say something, but I’m hesitant. I could mention this to his mother, but surely she has noticed.Saying something to his older sister might be best, even though she’s at college.When we meet on Zoom, it’s hard to watch Brian’s gross habits. I am worried that it affects how his peers and others feel about him.AdvertisementYour advice?– Up the NoseDear Up the Nose: If you see “Brian” picking his nose, you can wordlessly hand him a napkin or tissue. Just reach over and hand it to him, saying, “Here you go.”You can even do this via Zoom. On camera, you can say, “Hey, somebody hand this to Brian.” And you hoist a tissue toward the camera, hoping that someone will take the cue and hand him a tissue on the other end. (I’ve offered tissues to people on Zoom when they sneeze, and it can be a fun visual gag.)I would not take these issues to others. He’s 15. If you can’t deal with him lightheartedly and directly, then you should let it go for now.Ask AmyDailyNo-nonsense advice for better living delivered to your inbox every morning. For a limited time, sign up for the Ask Amy newsletter and get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.Dear Amy: “Torn,” who is expecting her first child, says she is estranged from her mentally and physically abusive mother, but then asks you what she “owes” her mother.AdvertisementWhy do people who were abused and neglected growing up feel they owe their parents anything?– Don’t UnderstandDear Don’t: Adult survivors feel this way because they are confused and sometimes wracked with guilt over their parents’ behavior. They don’t know what “script” to follow, because they’ve been denied emotional and physical nurturing.Got a question for Amy? Enter it here and we’ll send it to her.Sign up here to receive the Ask Amy newsletter to get advice e-mailed to your inbox every morning, and for a limited time — get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.©2021 Amy Dickinson.

Dear Amy: I’m a clueless aunt looking for some advice.My little nephew (age 4 1/2) is very smart, but seems dysregulated quite often.AdvertisementHe often runs around in small circles for about 10 minutes screaming, and can only focus for very short amounts of times, avoids eye contact, and often does not respond when spoken to directly.We recently had a situation where his older sister (age 6) built a fort out of blankets when she wanted/needed some quiet time, and she was very happy while building it.AdvertisementThe little one then, of course, “wanted in” on the fort, did not want to build his own, but then stepped over the boundaries he’d promised to keep just one minute earlier.He didn’t seem to remember what he had just promised, which of course then made his sister upset, so that, after much back and forth, she ended up crying, too.He then threw a fit, as he often does.I cannot talk to his parents about the possible need for therapeutic help, as they don’t want to address this, and everyone is just helpless.His mother has a lot of issues and feels like she is under a lot of stress, but she is also not open to doing therapy, or any other kind of self-care, other than stress-eating.I apologize if this sounds so uninformed, and I am grateful for any advice or input.– Clueless AuntDear Aunt: I am not qualified to diagnose any particular issue with your nephew, although some of what you describe would be familiar to a person on the autism spectrum.AdvertisementYour nephew’s behavior could also be explained by many other factors and dynamics in his household, including his diet, sleep schedule, as well as the inconsistent direction he might be receiving by a stressed and tired parent.If your nephew is 4 1/2, I’m assuming that he has not had any consistent in-person schooling yet. The pandemic has interrupted so many childhoods, and this little guy’s life could be transformed by regular contact with other children his age, as well as skilled teachers who would help to guide him – and his parents.Most of us learn by trial and error, and your nephew might be exiting a stage where tantrums “worked” for him. Early childhood education is vital in guiding children toward pro-social behavior.You could help by taking him to the playground for lots of fresh air and exercise, introducing him to the wonderful world of bugs, dinosaurs, and building things with blocks and LEGOS. You would learn more about him by spending one-on-one time with him, listening to him, reading together, and encouraging him to explore in his own way, without too much judgment or correction from you (unless he is hurting himself or another child).Your concern and willingness to stand up for this child is commendable. Your dig at this mother for her own lack of self-care is not.Dear Amy: I have a large group of friends. We all have kids between the ages of 18 and 30 that technically still live at home for financial reasons. They are either in college or out in the work field.AdvertisementOur friends’ adult children stay out several nights a week and sleep at their partners’ homes – and all of them are still living at home with their parents.No one in our friend-group allows this at our homes, but our kids say that we’re old school and that everyone does it.There seem to be a lot of parents out there that allow this, but our group agrees it doesn’t feel right to shack up in your girlfriends’ or boyfriends’ childhood bedroom, having sex with the parents next door.What is your opinion?– Old-school MomsDear Old School: Whenever I hear the phrase “shacking up,” I know someone has been listening to Dr. Laura.AdvertisementMy attitude toward this depends on the situation. If an adult child is in a long-term relationship and I know their partner, I welcome the partner to visit, and they can sleep wherever they like.However, one surefire way to coax an adult toward independent living is to limit their friends’ access to the bedroom and refrigerator.Ask AmyDailyNo-nonsense advice for better living delivered to your inbox every morning. For a limited time, sign up for the Ask Amy newsletter and get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.Dear Amy: “Mourning in Montana” was a woman whose husband of 46 years abruptly told her he was leaving her.I thought your advice to her was compassionate and helpful, but you may have missed something: this man could be experiencing the early signs of dementia.– ConcernedDear Concerned: Several readers raised this possibility.AdvertisementGot a question for Amy? Enter it here and we’ll send it to her.Sign up here to receive the Ask Amy newsletter to get advice e-mailed to your inbox every morning, and for a limited time — get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.©2021 Amy Dickinson.

To Bob Zeni, a perfectly round and perfectly red store-bought tomato is something to look at, but not to touch. In fact, Zeni hasn’t purchased a tomato since 1990. He grows his own heirloom tomatoes to avoid buying what he calls “tasteless travesties” or “red water balloons.”“Gardening itself is very satisfying and certainly enjoyable,” Zeni said. “Seeing the way it looks is beautiful.”AdvertisementFor more than a decade, Zeni has followed the same routine.In February, he began planting tomatoes at his La Grange home. Wherever a window was in sight, a table holding a pot of budding heirlooms sat right next to it. In March, he moved his plants to his portable backyard greenhouse. Zeni’s daughter, Rebecca, and several neighbors helped him set up what looks like a clear plastic tent equipped with space heaters. By April, the tomato plants would be ready for sale.AdvertisementBut that was until 2019 because like his heirloom tomato plants, Zeni’s business continued to grow until there was no more space in his home or driveway.Now Zeni, who was dubbed the “Chicago Tomato Man” by his daughter, has more than 4,000 heirloom tomato plants in a greenhouse that stretches as far as a city block. Inside are more than 100 varieties of the fruit, ranging from big red beefsteak tomatoes to dark and smooth Black Beauty tomatoes, and vibrant yellow Golden Grape tomatoes that can brighten up any salad.The greenhouse where Bob Zeni grows heirloom tomatoes has more than 4,000 heirloom tomato plants in the North Lawndale neighborhood. (E. Jason Wambsgans / Chicago Tribune)Starting this past Martin Luther King Jr. Day, Zeni started working alongside Gardeneers volunteers in their spacious greenhouses. Gardeneers is a nonprofit organization that uses school garden programs to teach students about nature, nutrition, how to cultivate fresh fruits and vegetables and how help the planet at a local level.Adam Zmick, CEO of Gardeneers, said Zeni’s planting is aligned with what the organization does and is a way to better support school gardens.“How it works is that a team of garden educators visit our 16 schools at least once a week to get students hands on in the garden,” Zmick said. “(Zeni) needs a lot of hands to do all this stuff so we are able to contribute and we can earn some income to help support our school gardens.This year, each tomato plant costs $6, with more than three of those dollars going to Gardeneers.“They are putting in a lot of the time and the effort,” Zeni said. “They deserve it.”Between April and May, his customers pick up their pre-orders from several different locations throughout the city, as well as Evanston, La Grange Park, Lamont, Palatine and Wheaton.AdvertisementAnd some of Zeni’s customers have walked away with more than just a tomato plant.One father has been able to teach his children about harvesting. A mother and daughter duo are strengthening their bond by using their green thumbs to contribute to a community church in Northbrook. And everyone who has purchased a tomato plant from Zeni also has the opportunity to share the taste of a fresh heirloom and create new recipes.“When people pick it up, it’s gratifying because people are giddy with excitement,” Zeni said.Varieties of heirloom tomatoes being grown at Homan Rails Farm on April 28, 2022. (E. Jason Wambsgans / Chicago Tribune)Heirloom tomatoes begin to grow under the care of Bob Zeni. He has a greenhouse that stretches as far as a city block. (E. Jason Wambsgans / Chicago Tribune)Selmaan Ansari, one of Zeni’s customers, has purchased tomatoes from him for the past three years. A neighbor who knew Ansari was looking to put together a garden suggested he check out the wide variety the Tomato Man was offering. It excited Ansari to find someone who was local.“Every year, I get about six to eight plants from him,” Ansari said. “I have young kids and they get to see them grow so when it’s time to harvest they ask questions and want to be the ones to pick the tomatoes off.”For Monica Dim, a beginner gardener, this is the second year she is purchasing from Zeni. She and her mother, Colette Dim, contribute to the St. Giles Episcopal Church community garden in Northbrook.AdvertisementColette Dim said she has been involved with the community garden for 14 growing seasons. There are 30 10-by-10 gardening plots.“Anyone who gardens with us donates to the Northfield pantry and some of the pantries in Evanston,” Colette said. “I said to Monica, ‘Let’s get our tomatoes together,’ so we decided to go headlong and get a dozen tomato plants each for last year.”Though this is Monica’s second year purchasing tomatoes, it is her first year getting the full gardening experience.“I was nine months pregnant when I first bought my tomato plants from him so I had a good amount of questions and wasn’t able to do a lot of the planting myself,” she said. “When you are able to grow and share your own tomatoes, it’s very exciting and he made that possible for me.”But some of his newer customers are confused or disappointed when they first see their tomato plant. For Zeni, it’s an opportunity for a teachable moment.“I get complaints from initial buyers because I give them this plant and it’s really tall and it’s kinda skinny and it’s kinda bushy and they say, ‘Well, there’s something wrong with this plant,” Zeni said. “I tell them no, just bury the bottom third and it will blossom, don’t worry about it.”AdvertisementZeni stays engaged with his customers months after the sale. He takes phone calls to answer any questions, and asks for photos to check on the growth process because he can empathize with the frustrations his customers face.“Tomatoes are full of moisture and juice and they need the water,” Zeni said. “The other thing is if you drown it and then forget about it for two weeks, the core of the tomato grows faster than the shell of the tomato so what happens is that the core breaks the shell and that’s when you get the mold at the top.”For Zeni, the key to growing a ripe tomato is finding the proper balance of heat, light, water, along with tender, loving care. He admitted that it took close to 20 years before finding success.“Every year I failed and every year I learned from that,” Zeni said. “There’s a lot of frustration with it from having too much water or enough water, too much heat, not enough heat and trying to sell these things.”This year was no different.“I always lose about 15 to 20% and this year, despite our best efforts, we did lose 20%,” Zeni said. “One of the shelves had fallen over so that killed a whole bunch of them and then in March we moved them over to the greenhouse thinking there was heat and there wasn’t so that killed several others as well.”AdvertisementBob Zeni works in his greenhouse at Homan Rails Farm in the North Lawndale neighborhood on April 28, 2022. (E. Jason Wambsgans / Chicago Tribune)Facing these difficulties not only makes Zeni feel like a more knowledgeable gardener. The unexpected twists and turns also help the tomatoes become more resilient.“It has not been warm, it has not been sunny and there has been far too much rain, so the plants are struggling, but that’s not a bad thing,” Zeni said. “You need to harden off tomatoes meaning you have to expose them to variations of temperatures, which strengthens their stem.”The frustrations pay off, however, because he gets to experiment with new varieties of heirloom tomatoes each year.“When the word heirloom is applied to growing fruits and vegetables it means created using non-GMO, open pollinated techniques,” Zeni said. “It’s not the common definition of being old. As oxymoronic as it sounds, there are new heirlooms.”This year Zeni is growing a tomato from seeds given to him by a Norridge customer last year. The customer said the seeds were from his wife’s grandfather, who had been saving seeds from Calabria, Italy, every year for 100 years.“I was honored that he would think of me,” Zeni said. “He didn’t have a name for it so we named it Art Zaino’s Centenarian.”AdvertisementArt Zanio was the grandfather’s name and to Zeni’s knowledge, he is the only one selling that particular variety.When not doing business, Zeni enjoys a quiet night eating a plate of fresh pasta with his wife, Wendy, who cans the tomatoes.“We take it out in the winter and she makes a secret spaghetti sauce that she learned from her mother,” Zeni said. “It’s fresher, it tastes great and it’s better than the store.”tatturner@chicagotribune.com

Dear Amy: My husband and I were lovebirds in college. We had so much in common!Unfortunately, an autoimmune disease hit him when he was in good shape and he lost most of the sensation in his body.AdvertisementAt the age of 37 he worked with an unusual paleo diet and conducted lots of internet research. He is now stronger and healthier than before the disease hit.Now he makes his own kale chips, toothpaste, and deodorant.AdvertisementFrankly, I feel like I can’t keep up.He thinks I’m not thin enough, while my doctor compliments my physique.To avoid shaming, I hide snacks and eat forbidden foods like oatmeal in the basement.I thought that helping him to pay for and set up a red-light sauna in the basement was supportive and cute, and now I am pressured to sit in it and absorb a health treatment I know nothing about.I’ll admit it, I haven’t watched the same YouTube videos he has.Had I met my husband now, with all the health stuff, I wouldn’t have continued the relationship, due to these large differences between us.When I expressed my feelings about this obsession he threw “eBay shopping” back in my face.I have a “you do you” policy, but I’m beginning to think it isn’t a two-way street.AdvertisementI don’t want a divorce, just a reverse lever.– Health NuttyDear Nutty: You don’t seem to be trying to force your husband to join you in your eBay habit, but he seems to have the power (or you’ve granted it) to coax you into a red-light sauna, which is currently having something of a moment with its promises to cure just about every ailment.Your habits are furtive, and while you claim to have a “you do you” philosophy, if you accept his right to eat and do what he wants, then why don’t you accept your own right to eat and do what you want?In short, if you don’t want to eat and spend time in your basement’s red-light district, then take your oatmeal upstairs.I suggest that you apply the “reverse lever” to yourself.AdvertisementContinue to accept and support his health journey – as you have been. And make a choice to take good care of yourself in your own way.Health evangelists can be hard to live with. If he bullies you about your body or hectors you over your own confident personal choices, you should find a counselor who might be able to mediate.Dear Amy: I’ve been hired on a new team where I work very closely with “Bruce.”We are assigned group projects and submit our work together.The problem? He’s an idiot. He’s a nice guy, but is sloppy in his work, incompetent, irresponsible, and can’t manage priorities and deadlines.We are both new and I’m afraid his poor work will reflect badly on me.AdvertisementI don’t want to hurt anyone, but I’m wondering how long to wait before I approach my supervisor.I find myself managing him, though we have the same job title.What should I do?!– Worried WorkerDear Worried: If possible, wait until you’ve completed one project together. If you continue to believe the quality of your work could be compromised by “Bruce’s” incompetence, you should go to your supervisor and ask to be reassigned.You should be able to do this without throwing him under the bus: “Bruce and I have very different work habits and capabilities. I believe I could achieve much more and be more productive working with someone else. Would that be possible?”AdvertisementDear Amy: When people write to you, would you be willing to change the word “girl” to “woman” or “young woman” when people refer to adults in their questions?Calling a woman a “girl” is demeaning and sexist. You have a powerful, feminist voice. I wish you would tell the world that you are doing this.I think it would be eye-opening for a lot of folks.Ask AmyDailyNo-nonsense advice for better living delivered to your inbox every morning. For a limited time, sign up for the Ask Amy newsletter and get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.– Another AmyDear Amy: I agree that referring to women as “girls” is demeaning and sexist. And yet, most often (at least in the questions sent to me), other women are using these terms, referring to: “girls’ night out,” “girlfriends” “a girl I work with,” etc.I believe this language reveals the basic attitude of the writer.AdvertisementOverall, I appreciate the way people tell their own stories, and I like to leave these stories in the voice of the writer.Got a question for Amy? Enter it here and we’ll send it to her.Sign up here to receive the Ask Amy newsletter to get advice e-mailed to your inbox every morning, and for a limited time — get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.©2021 Amy Dickinson.

“How did the Sure Power herbicide you referenced in a column last year work to control lesser celandine in your lawn?”— Samantha Jefferson, Highland ParkAdvertisementLesser celandine (Ficaria verna) is a very invasive spring ephemeral perennial plant that has become more prevalent in gardens and lawns.Leaves begin to emerge before flowering in very early spring, so look for it before other plants have started to grow.AdvertisementBecause lesser celandine emerges well before native and ornamental species, it has a developmental advantage that allows it to establish and overtake areas.It forms large, dense patches in your garden, so watch for it and eradicate even very small clumps as you see them.You can also find it growing in the crowns of perennials and bases of shrubs.Plants consist of a basal rosette of succulent, dark green, shiny, kidney- to heart-shaped leaves that creep across lawns and beds.The flowers are easy to recognize with eight (typical) to 12 bright yellow petals arranged symmetrically around a slightly darker center that rise above the leaves on single stalks. Lesser celandine can be easily confused with marsh marigold (Caltha palustris) — a native plant found in wetland habitats and in some home gardens with moist areas.Some of the lesser celandine plants in my home garden are starting to flower now. The foliage begins to die back after flowering and will mostly disappear by June or earlier if temperatures are consistently warm.Lesser celandine spreads primarily by vegetative means through prolific tubers and bulblets, each of which can grow into a new plant once separated from the parent plant. The tubers may be unearthed and scattered by the digging activities of animals, as well as weeding, and spread to new sites during flood events.For small infestations in garden beds, lesser celandine may be dug up using a hand trowel or shovel. It is very important to remove all bulblets and tubers, since each one left in the ground can grow into a new plant. For example, rototilling a bed simply propagates this plant, allowing small plants to come back the following year.AdvertisementBe persistent in removing the weed. I have had success in eliminating it from vegetable garden beds by weeding it out year after year. All parts of the plant must be bagged and disposed of properly. Do not put it in a compost pile.While manual removal methods are possible for small infestations, using a systemic herbicide is more effective for small and large growth because it kills the entire plant — including the roots — and minimizes soil disturbance. Expect to treat plants two to three times each year over a period of years to get this plant under control if it is already well established in your garden.It’s important to apply an herbicide just as the weed begins growing for the best control and to minimize damage to adjacent desirable plants. Start applications prior to flowering and up until about 50% of the plants are in flower and then stop.I usually make two to four applications in my garden beds as more plants continue to sprout over time.It’s getting to be late now for optimum results but it is still worth trying. Applications can be made early in the season when the temperature is 40 degrees Fahrenheit or above, and no rain is anticipated for 12 hours. It is best to use a spreader sticker with the herbicide, since the leaves of lesser celandine have a waxy covering that repels water.AdvertisementGlyphosate herbicide is systemic, with the active ingredient absorbed by the plant and eventually killing it. Re-treatment over a few years will probably be necessary. Because glyphosate is a nonspecific spray, it should be applied so that it contacts only lesser celandine and does not drift onto desirable plants such as turf grass or perennials.Over the last two years, I have used the product Sure Power for the lesser celandine growing in my lawn.Sure Power seemed to knock it back more dramatically than other products. The large stand of lesser celandine returned this spring, though in slightly smaller numbers with generally smaller and less vigorous foliage.I sprayed twice again this spring and had good timing on the first application with the foliage curling, stopping growth and turning brown. Plants that I missed on the first application and sprayed about a week later are less affected by the spray.I plan to continue treating with Sure Power in future years and have opted not to use the nonselective herbicide glyphosate to treat the lawn. I doubt that it can be eradicated with one season of spray and do not want to reseed my lawn multiple times. It’s important to read the label on whichever herbicide you decide to use to make sure you are using it properly and safely.For more plant advice, contact the Plant Information Service at the Chicago Botanic Garden at plantinfo@chicagobotanic.org. Tim Johnson is senior director of horticulture at the Chicago Botanic Garden.

Dear Amy: I am a self-supporting working woman.Over the past decades, I’ve written personal essays for various publications. I don’t make money at this; I wish I could!AdvertisementI have a portfolio full of my work. Some pieces are humorous; some are serious.I moved to a new town three years ago and made a new friend. She was going on a long car ride, so I offered to give her a few of my essays to read while she was away.AdvertisementShe has not said a word about any of the essays. I’m surprised because two of the pieces mention how my son battled cancer as a teenager. I had never discussed this extremely personal topic with my friend. I thought this was a good way to enlighten her. (My son is now cancer-free.)I finally asked her if she read any of my work. She said she did. She had no comments. Nothing positive; nothing negative.I find this very odd and a bit insulting. I am not a terrible writer. If the pieces were poorly written, they wouldn’t have been published in the first place.Is my friend upset that I never broached the subject of my son’s illness before? I believe she’s the type of person who would let me know that the omission upset her.She didn’t comment on the humorous pieces, either. Wouldn’t a friend say SOMETHING?I just don’t get why she hasn’t said a word about something very close to my heart.Any ideas?– At a Loss in ColoradoAdvertisementDear At a Loss: A negative response from a friend could be deflating, but no response is much worse, because the writer in you fills the void with questions and doubt.Yes, I do think it’s possible that your friend was shocked by some of the personal revelations you wrote about but had never disclosed to her. But some people simply do not realize that the kindest response from a friend is to offer encouragement, a question, or a compliment, along with any less-positive comments if the conversation goes deeper.It is possible that your friend simply didn’t like your work, and doesn’t know how to deliver a vague and friendly acknowledgement that might satisfy you.Because this worries you, you could say to her, “I’m a little thrown off that you haven’t had anything to say about my work. Are you open to having a conversation about it?” If she demurs, accept it. You should re-publish your work on a website, so in the future anyone who is interested in your writing can easily find and read it on their own, without you pressing it upon them.Dear Amy: I had only been living with my boyfriend for two months when his mother’s living situation (in another state) took a turn for the worst. He wanted to have her move in with us. I was truly naive and discounted all the negative stuff his siblings warned me about. They said that she would try to destroy our relationship.Well, she moved in and slowly began a campaign. She made snide comments and criticized me constantly. Her son would confront her and take up for me, so she ramped up the attacks every time he wasn’t physically present.AdvertisementShe and I had a few brutal arguments and he confronted her and made her apologize, but I knew she didn’t mean a word of it.I told him that while I accepted her apology, she and I couldn’t live under the same roof. We took her back to her home state.After we dropped her off and drove back home, he informed me that he’d had second thoughts and was moving his mom back in with us, and understood that meant that I would leave. I am furious and hurt.He says it’s temporary. He minimizes her abusive behavior and even blames me for being combative.Should I leave the relationship, or am I being too difficult?– Am I Moving?AdvertisementDear Am I Moving?: Yes, you are moving. You are moving because your boyfriend has accepted your non-negotiable and has demonstrated to you that he prefers to live with his mother.Ask AmyDailyNo-nonsense advice for better living delivered to your inbox every morning. For a limited time, sign up for the Ask Amy newsletter and get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.Dear Amy: “Surviving Sister” described a harrowing situation where a “wellness check” on their brother resulted in armed police taking the man away in handcuffs.People seem to wonder why family estrangements happen. In my opinion, it often comes down to the refusal to acknowledge and apologize for unintended consequences.– Been ThereDear Been There: I completely agree.Got a question for Amy? Enter it here and we’ll send it to her.AdvertisementSign up here to receive the Ask Amy newsletter to get advice e-mailed to your inbox every morning, and for a limited time — get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.©2021 Amy Dickinson.