Browsing: Lifestyle

While the gun violence continues across the nation and in Chicago, with the shooting of Gary London

A press conference will be held 11:30 a.m., Wednesday, July 20th, at the Rainbow PUSH Coalition, 930 E. 50th St.

Dear Amy: I’m a 33-year-old woman. My daughter is 11.She and I live with my parents.AdvertisementMy parents own the house, and I pay them rent each month.Both of my parents are in their early 70s. My father works part time.AdvertisementThey don’t seem to need the extra money that my rent provides (they are always buying new games and gadgets for themselves).I want to have my own life. I want to move into my own apartment, with my daughter.I searched for apartments, made a budget, and I even concluded that I would continue to pay my parents the rent money I currently pay, so they wouldn’t be without that income.When I told my parents of my plan to move out, they gave me this story about how sad they would be, and how they feel like I’m abandoning them at their time of need.I don’t supply anything but money. I don’t take them to doctor appointments or the grocery store.I’m usually at work during the day. My mom home-schools my daughter, and I wasn’t planning to change that.I just have a need for my own place and want to move out on my own.How can I help my parents to be more comfortable with this?Advertisement– Mother/DaughterDear Mother/Daughter: Your parents have a considerable attachment and emotional stake in you and your daughter.That’s how parents and grandparents roll! It’s not just about the rent money you pay to them. They are attached to you. Their lifetime investment is in you.And just as parents sometimes give their children a gentle nudge out of the nest (saying, “You can do it!”), you are going to go through a reverse of that process.Offer your gratitude: “We could not have gotten this far without you.”Offer an affirmation of their feelings: “I know this will be an adjustment for all of us. I’m going to miss you, too.”AdvertisementOffer lots of reassurance: “We’ll still see you almost every day, and I’ll always be there if you need me, just as you’ve always been there for me.”And then – make your plan, don’t let them manipulate you, and start the next chapter of your life.Got a question for Amy? Enter it here and we’ll send it to her.Dear Amy: I have a long-term friend (for over 45 years) who adopted a wonderful, sweet, adorable shelter dog at the beginning of the pandemic. However, over the past two years, her laser focus on this dog has become a rapidly growing problem which borders on obsession!It’s fine if she wants to spend lots of her time and money on the dog, but every conversation starts with a story about what the dog has done or is doing, how no one can take care of the dog to her standards (e.g., she tracks with a Wi-Fi collar the route a walker takes when walking the dog).If one is having a serious conversation with her and the dog does something “interesting,” she will literally interrupt the conversation and derail it to talk about the dog.AdvertisementI love this dog, too, but her incessant focus on her pooch makes me not want to be around her or the dog.How can I help her understand that her lack of self-awareness is a problem that is affecting not just our friendship, but her friendships with many other people? I care a lot about her, which is why I want to see if there is a way to bring this issue to light without hurting her feelings.– Doggone FrustratedDear Frustrated: Repeat after me: “I care about you. I also care about your dog. But this relationship is now dominating your life, and I am feeling dismissed and neglected. Your lack of self-awareness has become a problem that is affecting our friendship.”My point is that you already know what you need to say. Speak for yourself (not other people), and understand that delivering this truth might upset her or hurt her feelings.Very long friendships can survive the occasional truthful course correction.AdvertisementSign up here to receive the Ask Amy newsletter to get advice e-mailed to your inbox every morning, and for a limited time — get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.Ask AmyDailyNo-nonsense advice for better living delivered to your inbox every morning. For a limited time, sign up for the Ask Amy newsletter and get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.Dear Amy: “Past Completed” reported that three bullies from her past reached out to her for forgiveness.In your response, you mentioned that you believed the pandemic had caused many people to reflect on their actions.It occurs to me that a lot of people are using the pandemic as an excuse for all sorts of things.How long do you think this will continue?– WonderingAdvertisementDear Wondering: I plan to keep it up as long as possible.©2022 Amy Dickinson.

Written By Bilal G. Morris
A community that was devastated by a racist man with an assault rifle must now find a way to get past the fear and trauma just to get groceries.
Tops Friendly Markets, the Buffalo supermarket where Payton Gendron killed 10 Black people and injured several others has reopened its doors Friday, July 15, with hopes that residents will return.
The renovated supermarket will be equipped with enhanced video monitoring systems, an emergency evacuation audio/visual alarm system, additional emergency exits, as well as increased professional security inside and outside of the store. 
But terrorism has lasting effects and a community that was devastated by a racist man with an assault rifle must now find a way to get past the fear and trauma just to get groceries.   
The constant lurking of fear can consume a community once it’s torn apart by violence, Buffalo is no different. According to CNN, community members are still traumatized by the deadly massacre and some say returning to the Tops store may not be something they can do. 
“I think there will be people who don’t want to go there and will never go there again,” former Buffalo fire commissioner, Garnell Whitfield told CNN. “But convenience and necessity take over and that store will be a viable part of that community.”
Residents also say they are so fearful of another attack that even a random white person walking through the neighborhood makes them uneasy. 
Liz Bosley a community activist in Buffalo told CNN that, “Some wish Tops would have demolished the store and rebuilt it so people wouldn’t have to relive the devastation.”
Regardless of the fear, Tops Friendly Markets is still an important part of Buffalo’s nearly all-Black East Side neighborhood. The store originally opened its doors in 2003,  giving more than 113,000 residents who had been living in a ‘food desert,’ access to a full-service supermarket.
Community leaders have acknowledged that getting the community comfortable with the supermarket they once loved will be tough, but its reopening is proof that love overcomes hate.
“This is the day when we declare that hate did not win, said New York State Attorney General Letitia James during the supermarket’s opening ceremony on Thursday. “[The day] that hate was defeated, that hate has no place in east Buffalo or Buffalo or the great state of New York.”
This article originally appeared on News One.

By Joseph Siegel
When someone you care about is going through a difficult time, the thing you want to do the most is be there for them. The hard part is knowing the best way to help them, and much of that is based on circumstances. Typically, it first depends on who it might be that is going through a difficult time. Is it a parent? A family member? A close friend? It also depends on what exactly it is that they are struggling with. Did they receive a tough medical diagnosis? Are they caring for a family member who is ill? Is your loved one struggling with a loss of some sort, whether it be a person, job, or other?
Whatever the circumstance might be, people who are trying to support a loved one through a difficult time may have a hard time themselves navigating the situation. The first step is ensuring your loved one knows you are there for them.
“I think the first thing to do is to be present. That sound so easy, but we live in a world of distraction. When someone needs you to be there, it’s important to have good eye contact. You’re not looking at your phone. You’re engaged with what they are saying. You’re understanding what they are saying and you are interacting with it. You are asking open-ended questions to increase your understanding and show that you are really interested in what they are saying,” says Joseph Siegel, an OSF HealthCare licensed clinical social worker.
Siegel advises people who are supporting a loved one to really try and understand their concerns. Perhaps they just need to get their feelings out by opening up to someone in whom they can confide. In these situations, your loved one might not necessarily be looking for words of wisdom. They may just need an open ear and a shoulder to lean on.
“You’re there to listen. Sometimes what can get in the way of that is advice giving. This person is struggling, so our natural tendency is ask if they have tried something or another thing. Many times, a person just needs an attentive listener,” explains Siegel.
Additionally, Siegel recommends paying close attention to understand what your loved one might need. Often times, people who are going through something difficult may not necessarily know how to or want to ask for help directly. However, simple tasks such as doing the laundry, running an errand, bringing over dinner, or driving them to a doctor appointment can make the world of a difference.
“Try to put yourself in their shoes. Try to have empathy. But also, try to anticipate needs. Often this person is unable to really form a good understanding of what they might need in that moment. It can be something that’s super simple like rubbing their back, or more complex like taking their kids to school,” Siegel advises.
If something comes up in conversation with your loved one that you think you can help with, offer to do that. However, it is important to ask before doing, as Siegel says many people who are going through something hard still want their sense of independence and autonomy. But sometimes juggling everyday tasks and a life-changing event become daunting – in which case help would most likely be welcome.
In addition to listening to your loved one and helping with what you are able, Siegel says it is good to provide a sense of normalcy, as many people who are going through something difficult such as a scary diagnosis can begin to feel consumed by it.
“I think it’s important not to stay completely focused on or dwell on that issue. People have rich, complicated lives and when we start reducing their life to this one problem or this one issue, it can become a real drag on their emotional health. So even though you are helping with this one thing, don’t forget to include everything else about them,” says Siegel.
Provide some normalcy by talking about day-to-day things, sharing funny stories, and updating your loved one on your own life, as this can be a breath of fresh air for someone who feels consumed by a significant negative life event.
On the other hand, sometimes it might be hard for someone going through something hard to talk about anything else. Or perhaps your loved one is the opposite and does not want to talk about their circumstances at all. They may even avoid contact with friends and family. Regardless of the situation, Siegel typically recommends suggesting your loved one get in touch with a mental health professional as they navigate the life event.
“I would recommend it early on in any of these situations, but I would also bring it up in terms of your own experience with these helping professionals. I definitely would not put it in terms of ‘you should’ or ‘you could’ or ‘have you considered?’ Mention it as an option. Let them know it could be helpful, or share how your experience was and how you found it to be helpful for you,” Siegel advises.
It is also important to take care of yourself while you are supporting someone else. Self-care, however, is very situational in these circumstances – and it comes down to individual needs and values. If something like helping a loved one is embedded into your identity, Siegel says that it is important to honor that. If you are the kind of person who needs a break to recharge, do that. The most important thing is being true to yourself and not losing yourself when supporting someone else.
If you are supporting a loved one during a difficult time and need an outlet for yourself, make an appointment with a mental health professional or talk to your primary care provider to help connect you with one.
This article originally appeared on OSF Healthcare.

Illinois continues to be in a state of emergency, according to Gov. J.B. Pritzker’s continued COVID-19 declarations.
The Land of Lincoln is one of 14 states with COVID-19 emergency orders still in place, and a political action group is saying enough is enough.
Since the beginning of the pandemic over two years ago, Pritzker has exercised powers granted to him by state law to enact policies during states of emergency. The governor has issued 116 orders and declared a statewide disaster dozens of times to extend those powers.
Since March 2020, the executive orders included closing schools and businesses, suspending enforcement of various laws, and limiting the size of public gatherings.
State Rep. Adam Niemerg, R-Dietrich, a member of the Illinois Freedom Caucus, said the emergency orders are a form of control by Pritzker.
“They have always driven the science to suit what they feel is the political narrative to keep themselves in power,” Niemerg said. “This has never been about making clear, concise decisions for the future of Illinoisans during the pandemic.”
Iowa was the latest Midwest state that no longer operates under pandemic emergency rule, when last winter, Gov. Kim Reynolds lifted her state’s emergency public health disaster status.
In a statement, Reynolds said she believed Iowans will make the right choices for themselves and their communities.
“The response to COVID-19 has failed at every level of the Pritzker administration,” state Rep. Chris Miller, R-Oakland, said. “The response has been based 100% on political science. He is in the process of trying to clean up the mess he created.”
Pritzker’s office did not immediately reply to a request from The Center Square for comment on why Illinois counties were still under a disaster declaration.
The disaster proclamation Pritzker issued June 24 that expires next week says “it is the policy of the State of Illinois to be prepared to address any disasters and, therefore, it is necessary and appropriate to make additional State resources available to ensure that our healthcare delivery system is capable of serving those who are sick.” It goes on to say “this proclamation will assist the state in facilitating economic recovery for individuals and business” and “will assist Illinois agencies in coordinating State and Federal resources” and “recovery funds.”
Some states have made efforts to limit executive powers in the wake of widespread use of emergency executive orders in addressing the pandemic, but the Illinois General Assembly has not acted to address the governor’s ability to issue consecutive executive orders and disaster proclamations.
In 12 states, including Wisconsin and Michigan, the legislature must approve any extension of emergency declarations.
“We need to be completely finished with these executive orders but he wants to continue to sign these and to continue this political narrative,” Niemerg said. “He thinks he is going to be the next president of the United States, and this November, he is not even going to be governor.”
Pritzker faces Republican state Sen. Darren Bailey and Libertarian Scott Schluter in the November midterm election.
This article originally appeared on The Center Square.

Emmett Till left his mother’s house on Chicago’s South Side in 1955 to visit relatives in Mississippi, where the Black teenager was abducted

A tree surrounded by green lawn is a pretty picture for many people, but it’s hard to achieve — and tough on the tree.“Turf grass and trees don’t go together well,” said Stephanie Adams, a plant pathologist at The Morton Arboretum in Lisle. “It’s not a good situation for either of them.”AdvertisementIn the shade of a tree, where it doesn’t get enough sunlight, grass will usually struggle, becoming patchy and bare. “Grasses are full-sun plants,” Adams said. They are native to open grasslands, such as the steppes of Central Asia, where they evolved to grow in full sunlight with no shade.Most lawn grass needs six to eight hours of sunlight every day. Although some fescue grass species included in seed mixtures labeled for deep shade can get along on as little as two hours, the grasses typically used in American lawns will not thrive in the shade of a mature tree. Where grass is planted under trees, it can also cause problems for the tree. “Turf grass has a mat of shallow, dense roots that intercepts water, nutrients and air,” Adams said.AdvertisementPerennials such as Solomon’s seal, Virginia bluebells and bleeding heart are better choices to plant around a tree than turfgrass, which competes aggressively with the tree’s roots. (Beth Botts/Morton Arboretum)Tree roots grow horizontally, spreading out widely in the top foot or so of soil. Rainwater and air should be able to percolate through the soil to be absorbed by the roots and used to support the growth and health of the tree. But if the tree roots are topped with grass, the turf gets first dibs on water and other resources, and less is available to the tree.Research has shown tree roots grow much better under a wide, even layer of mulch than beneath grass. The mulch imitates the layer of leaf litter that naturally falls onto the soil around the tree and covers the soil containing its roots. Unlike turf, it allows water and air to seep through easily.What if you don’t want a wide circle of bare mulch around every tree? “You can still have plants under trees,” Adams said, “but other plants are better than grass.”Rethinking the area around your tree is an opportunity to extend your garden and make it more diverse, said Julie Janoski, manager of the Arboretum’s Plant Clinic.The best choices, according to Adams and Janoski, are shade-tolerant perennials or small shrubs. “Woody shrubs grow similarly to trees, with the same kind of roots,” Adams said. “They won’t compete with a tree’s roots nearly as much as grass roots do.”The roots of shrubs and perennials grow in clumps, not in a mat, leaving gaps for the tree’s roots. “All the roots will intertwine, and they will be able to share the soil and get what they need,” Adams said.Conventionally, grass is replaced with a wide area of a single ground cover, such as pachysandra, myrtle, or liriope. “That’s better for the tree than grass,” Janoski said, “but it would be even better to be creative and mix it up.”A mixed planting that includes flowering perennials and shrubs will support pollinating insects, birds and other wildlife, as well as being more interesting took at.AdvertisementBe sure to choose plants that can tolerate dry shade. “Because the tree acts like an umbrella and blocks some rain, plants under a tree need to be drought tolerant,” she said. Among the plants to consider are ferns, Solomon’s seal, bleeding heart, lungwort, Virginia bluebells, hostas, hellebores, bishop’s hat, St. John’s wort, fragrant sumac and bottlebrush buckeye. The Plant Clinic can make more recommendations for plants that grow well under trees.The best time to add plants under a tree is when the tree is young, before its roots have grown out wide. When adding plants under a mature tree, use small plants and try to damage as few tree roots as possible.“Put the health of the tree first,” Adams said. “Mature, healthy trees add to your property value, and that’s because they have decades invested in them. Turf grass can be replaced quickly and easily, but it should only grow where it won’t harm your trees.”For tree and plant advice, contact the Plant Clinic at The Morton Arboretum (630-719-2424, mortonarb.org/plant-clinic, or plantclinic@mortonarb.org). Beth Botts is a staff writer at the Arboretum.

“There are bright-colored beetles here and there in my garden that are feeding on leaves and rose flowers. I think they are Japanese beetles and I would like some suggestions on what to do to protect my plants.”— Sal Malek, EvanstonAdvertisementThe Japanese beetle (Popilia japonica) is approximately half an inch long and has a colorful, metallic green color with coppery wing covers. The beetles feed on the leaf tissue between the veins, which results in a skeletonized leaf. They are active now in Chicago gardens, but I have not seen any yet in my garden. Severely injured leaves turn brown and fall off the plant. Damage done by this insect is distinct and mostly cosmetic, though heavy damage to a plant’s foliage creates stress on the plant.The adults feed from approximately 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. on warm, sunny days and are active in the garden from approximately mid-June until mid-August. You may also see some stray Japanese beetles in the garden in early September. Normally, they start feeding at the top of the plant and work downward, with a preference for plants in direct sunlight.AdvertisementJapanese beetle adults feed on more than 300 plant varieties with a preference for plants like linden, elm, rose, raspberry, grape, viburnum, zinnia and Japanese maple. They are attracted to plants that are members of the rose family.Plants that have been damaged by Japanese beetles attract more of them. A volatile odor is given off by a plant that has beetle damage, which attracts other Japanese beetles. To help reduce damage to your plants, begin monitoring your plants early and remove beetles as they appear. If you can reduce damage in the first couple of weeks, it is likely that you will have less damage overall. Hand-removal of beetles is generally effective on smaller plants.In the early morning, late afternoon and evening, disturbed beetles fold their legs and drop to the ground. Hold a container of rubbing alcohol (isopropyl alcohol) or soapy water under the beetles and poke them to get them to drop into the container. This is faster than picking them off one by one.If you are seeing large numbers of Japanese beetles and significant damage on your shrubs, you can use a pyrethrin-based insecticide to spray them. Be sure to follow all label directions and be careful to minimize killing nontarget insects.Netting can provide more complete protection for small plants, but it is not practical for large numbers of plants. The product you choose must have a fine enough mesh to exclude the beetles while maximizing light transmission. A summer-weight garden fabric used for row covers should work well as a cover. I have never used this technique, and would consider using it only for a very valuable plant.There are traps available that contain a pheromone attractive to male Japanese beetles and a floral lure attractive to female beetles. These pheromone traps are useful for detecting beetle emergence, but not recommended as a control method. Research shows that beetles are attracted from a considerable distance to areas near the traps but then switch to food plants, which can result in heavier plant damage near traps.Japanese beetle populations vary from year to year. The beetle has a one-year life cycle but spends most of its life in the soil as a grub. Females lay eggs in the lawn and other grassy areas just under the soil surface in summer. They prefer to lay eggs in turf that is well irrigated. Eggs soon hatch and young larvae begin to feed on roots of nearby grass until cold weather forces them to move deeper into the soil for the winter. As the soil temperatures warm in the spring, the grubs return to the surface to complete their life cycle.The bacterial milky spore disease, Bacillus popillae, kills Japanese beetle grubs in the soil. The dead grubs then produce bacterial spores that remain in the soil to infect future grubs. Milky spore disease is applied to the soil, but it takes two to three years before spore counts build up enough to become effective.AdvertisementTreating your lawn may reduce Japanese beetle populations some in your garden in the long term but is not a permanent solution, as they fly in from other yards.For more plant advice, contact the Plant Information Service at the Chicago Botanic Garden at plantinfo@chicagobotanic.org. Tim Johnson is senior director of horticulture at the Chicago Botanic Garden.

“A new neighbor decided to limb up some spruce trees to about 8 feet along the property line and I am now looking at bare soil on my side of the trees. Will a shady grass blend work in this situation? The area is shady almost all day. If grass will not grow, what ground cover would grow there? I prefer something that stays low.”— Barry Gunderson, DeerfieldAdvertisementThe area under the spruce trees will likely be too shady to grow grass even if you use a shade blend of grass seed. If you can get grass to grow in the deep shade, you will probably need to seed it again every spring and it will thin out as the season progresses.I assume that the bare area under the trees is large, since the branches were limbed up to 8 feet. You may be able to reduce the size of the bare ground by seeding grass along the edge of the bed where there will be more sun. Then plant a ground cover that will tolerate dry shade to fill the rest of the area.AdvertisementVirginia creeper (Parthenocissus quinquefolia) is a native vine that should work to cover the ground under the spruce trees. This plant will stay low, but will need to be kept from climbing the trunks of the spruce. Cut it back as it spreads from the bed out into the lawn. This plant is an inexpensive solution to cover a large area. Plant the vines on 2- to 5-foot centers, depending on how quickly you want to cover the bed. Avoid tilling the area in preparation for the new ground covers to minimize damaging the roots of the spruce trees.I have had good luck using Canadian wild ginger (Asarum canadense) to cover dry, shady areas in my garden. It will wilt during periods of more extreme dry conditions, so you may need to give it a touch of water on occasion. It is low-growing and spreads.If you are willing to provide supplemental water on a more regular basis to this area, you could consider using more moisture-loving ground covers such as creeping lilyturf, pachysandra and yellow archangel.There are also many types of hostas with different heights and foliage colors that would work well under the spruce trees, but you may want to avoid hosta if you have deer that browse in your garden. I have a large planting of hosta under an oak tree that I do not water.Any new planting will need attention to watering in the first year to get the plants established, even if they are tolerant of dry conditions.For more plant advice, contact the Plant Information Service at the Chicago Botanic Garden at plantinfo@chicagobotanic.org. Tim Johnson is senior director of horticulture at the Chicago Botanic Garden.