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Lifestyle

Ask Amy: Granddad’s rough-housing leads to tears

Dear Amy: Recently my children and I were with my in-laws (their grandparents) at a crowded event where I relied on my father in-law to supervise my son (age 4) while I was with my toddler daughter.My father in-law tries to connect with my son by “being silly,” which for him means nose pinching, tickling, tug-of-war while holding hands, and general rough-housing and clownish behavior.AdvertisementOccasionally my son laughs with him, but more often I can tell by his body language that he feels assaulted by all the unwanted touching.At one point he fell down and was sobbing because his grandpa essentially pushed him down via tug of war.AdvertisementAs we said goodbye and grandpa tried to jostle him into a hug (while saying “you don’t have to hug me if you don’t want to”), my son refused to say goodbye at all. I said our goodbyes and it began to dawn on me how much rough-housing had been happening, so I asked my son if grandpa “nudges” him too much.He said (amazingly) “I love grandpa so much and every time I see him I’m so excited to play but he makes me so sad every time because he’s too rough.”My question is, what is the best way to approach this?I see a few options. My husband was subjected to this behavior himself as a child. I don’t think he would be able to effectively handle this with his father. I could encourage my son to advocate for himself to his grandpa.I could tell my father in-law about what my son said, something to the effect of, “I can see you really want to connect with our kids, but what you’re doing is the opposite of connecting.”I feel like he’s being a bully, but I am not sure if I’m projecting my own feelings onto the situation.Your advice?– Protective MomAdvertisementDear Protective: It never ceases to amaze me that some adults can look at children who are obviously distressed – and not adjust their adult behavior.Let’s stipulate that this grandfather is not intentionally being a bully, but he is behaving the way we knows how to behave – and has always behaved with children. He may justify this by believing he is “toughening up the little guy!” – but this behavior from a beloved adult is extremely confusing, as your son articulated so well. And, mind you, the last thing this grandfather wants is for this child to become so tough that he either retaliates (for which his grandfather would likely punish him) or simply avoids him.Coach your son to express his needs: “Grandpa, no – too rough!”Also pass along your son’s quoted comments and ask your father-in-law: “Can you dial down the rough-housing? It’s pretty hard on him.”Dear Amy: My 30-year-old (younger) sister is transfixed by a man who in another time would be called “a rake.” He is handsome, charming, and has a reputation as a womanizer.My sister “Cecile” is lovely, trusting and sweet – and a bit naïve. She has had a few relationships of varying duration and has been burned a few times.AdvertisementMy instincts to try to protect my sister are very strong, but I don’t want to overstep or alienate her.Your suggestion?– Protective SisterDear Protective: I appreciate the term “rake” as an adjective – because it brings to mind visions of various “lovable scoundrels” from English literature.I therefore turn to Jane Austen for advice.In her famous novel “Sense and Sensibility,” (a story about a protective older sister), the beautiful younger sister “Marianne” falls hard for the rakish Mr. Willoughby, while the somber and appropriate Colonel Brandon loves her from afar.AdvertisementBrandon offers a most gracious blessing to the doomed couple, that I’ll paraphrase here: “I pray that she will be happy, and that he will somehow deserve her.”What you can do for your sister is to hope for her happiness, and stand in her corner if things don’t go well. Weighing in – especially if you are not invited – will not help.Ask AmyDailyNo-nonsense advice for better living delivered to your inbox every morning. For a limited time, sign up for the Ask Amy newsletter and get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.Dear Amy: Thank you for running the question from “Not Gifted,” the couple that was overwhelmed with multiple gifts from in-laws. The in-laws were not respecting the couple’s request to stop exchanging gifts.My family dealt with this same issue. It took several years to basically “train” family members away from material gifts, but now we exchange and enjoy “experiences” together.– GratefulDear Grateful: I love this idea, and hope many readers adopt it.AdvertisementGot a question for Amy? Enter it here and we’ll send it to her.Sign up here to receive the Ask Amy newsletter to get advice e-mailed to your inbox every morning, and for a limited time — get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.©2021 Amy Dickinson.

Sports

Golden State Warriors advance to their 6th NBA Finals in 8 years with a win against the Dallas Mavericks

SAN FRANCISCO — Klay Thompson shimmied his way to 32 points, and the Golden State Warriors advanced to their sixth NBA Finals in eight seasons by beating the Dallas Mavericks 120-110 in Game 5 of the Western Conference finals Thursday night.Thompson scored 19 points in the first half, including a 3-pointer that he punctuated with teammate Stephen Curry’s signature shake as the Warriors raced out to a 17-point halftime lead and coasted the rest of the way.AdvertisementAndrew Wiggins added 18 points and 10 rebounds, Draymond Green scored 17 points and Curry had 15 points and nine assists for the Warriors.Luka Doncic overcame a slow start to score 28 points for the Mavericks. Spencer Dinwiddie added 26.AdvertisementAfter missing the playoffs in 2020 and ‘21 in back-to back injury-plagued seasons, the Warriors are returning to a familiar stage. They are the first team to make six finals appearances in an eight-year span since the Michael Jordan-led Chicago Bulls had a pair of three-peats from 1991-93 and 1996-98.Warriors guard Klay Thompson, left, is defended by Mavericks guard Reggie Bullock during the first half of Game 5 of the Western Conference finals Thursday in San Francisco. (Jeff Chiu/AP)The Warriors will host the winner of the Eastern Conference finals between the Boston Celtics and Miami Heat on June 2 in Game 1 of the NBA Finals. The Celtics hold a 3-2 lead heading into Game 6 at home Friday.The Warriors followed their pattern from the first two rounds by bouncing back after squandering a chance to end a series on the road by winning at home. The Warriors are 9-0 at the Chase Center this postseason, tying the 2017 team for the the most consecutive home wins in a single postseason in NBA history.The star this game was Thompson, who sat out the last two seasons with injuries but showed flashes of his old self in this clincher.After making just seven 3-pointers in the first four games of the series, Thompson had eight. He gave the Warriors a 13-point lead in the first half when he hit one from the corner before dancing and added two early in the third quarter for a 23-point lead.The Mavericks cut a 25-point deficit to eight in the final minute of the third quarter but couldn’t get over the hump in the fourth. Thompson’s 3-pointer with just less than 3 minutes left gave the Warriors a 15-point lead.Doncic has typically been a playoff star. His 32.7 points per game in his first 27 playoff games were second best to Jordan’s 33.4 among players with at least 10 playoff games.But he had a rough start in this elimination game. He shot 2-for-10 in the first quarter with his eight misses, tied for the most in the opening quarter of a playoff game since LeBron James missed all nine of his attempts in Game 3 of the Eastern Conference finals against the Atlanta Hawks in 2015.AdvertisementDoncic was held to six points in the first half, his lowest opening half of his postseason career, on 2-for-12 shooting before finding his stroke in the third quarter.With Otto Porter (left foot) sidelined for a second straight game, the Warriors got a big boost in the first half from 19-year-old rookie Moses Moody.Moody scored all of his seven points in the second quarter with his 3-pointer giving the Warriors a 56-38 lead. Moody scored just six points the first three games of this series before scoring 17 the last two games with Porter sidelined.

Sports

Former FBI agents won’t be charged in botched Larry Nassar investigation, US Justice Department says

DETROIT — The U.S. Justice Department on Thursday said it will not pursue criminal charges against former FBI agents who failed to quickly open an investigation of sports doctor Larry Nassar despite learning in 2015 that he was accused of sexually assaulting female gymnasts.The agency’s inspector general found that two former agents likely provided “inaccurate or incomplete information” when investigators subsequently tried to understand what happened, but more would be needed to file charges, the department said.Advertisement“This does not in any way reflect a view that the investigation of Nassar was handled as it should have been, nor in any way reflects approval or disregard of the conduct of the former agents,” the department said.The government last fall said it would take another look at an earlier decision to forgo charges. At the time, Deputy Attorney General Lisa Monaco told Congress that she had asked the newly confirmed head of the department’s criminal division to review the case.AdvertisementNassar was a Michigan State University sports doctor as well as a doctor at USA Gymnastics. He is serving decades in prison for assaulting female athletes, including medal-winning Olympians.Dr. Larry Nassar appears in court for a plea hearing on Nov. 22, 2017, in Lansing, Mich. The U.S. Justice Department said Thursday it will not pursue criminal charges against former FBI agents who failed to quickly open an investigation of Nassar despite learning in 2015 that he was accused of sexually assaulting female gymnasts. (Paul Sancya/AP)Indianapolis-based USA Gymnastics told FBI agents in 2015 that three gymnasts said they were assaulted by Nassar. But the FBI did not open a formal investigation or inform federal or state authorities in Michigan, according to the inspector general’s report.Los Angeles FBI agents in 2016 began a sexual tourism investigation against Nassar and interviewed several victims but also didn’t alert Michigan authorities, the inspector general said.Nassar was finally arrested in November 2016 during an investigation by Michigan State University police.At a Senate hearing in 2021, FBI Director Christopher Wray apologized to Nassar’s victims, saying it was “inexcusable” that agents “had their own chance to stop this monster back in 2015 and failed.”The FBI fired an agent; another one retired. The FBI has also adopted recommendations by the inspector general.Lawyers for Nassar’s victims have said more than 100 young women or teens were assaulted after the FBI became aware of allegations against him. At least 13 are seeking $10 million each from the government.John Manly said it’s “incomprehensible” that agents and others will not be prosecuted.Advertisement“The FBI agents who knew of Nassar’s abuse, did nothing, and then lied about their inaction in violation of their sworn duty and the law have been given a pass,” Manly said.

Sports

New York Yankees and Tampa Bay Rays use social media to spread gun violence facts after recent mass shootings

The New York Yankees and Tampa Bay Rays used their social media accounts during Thursday night’s game between the teams to spread information about how gun violence affects American life.The move was made in response to recent mass shootings in Uvalde, Texas, and Buffalo, N.Y. Several notable sports figures — including Golden State Warriors coach Steve Kerr — have used their platform over the past few days to plead for action to combat gun violence.AdvertisementMLB’s social media accounts are usually used during games to show video highlights, relay baseball statistics or exchange witty jokes with other accounts about the action on the field. On Thursday, that was replaced by posts like “Firearms were the leading cause of death for American children and teens in 2020.”Both accounts then posted links to the sources of their information.Advertisement“In lieu of gave coverage and in collaboration with the Tampa Bay Rays, we will be using our channels to offer facts about the impacts of gun violence.” the Yankees said in a statement. “The devastating events that have taken place in Uvalde, Buffalo and countless other communities across our nation are tragedies that are intolerable.”The Rays also released a statement, saying that the recent shootings “cannot become normal.”“We all deserve to be safe — in schools, grocery stores, places of worship, our neighborhoods, houses and America. The most recent mass shootings in Buffalo and Uvalde have shaken us to the core. The Tampa Bay Rays are mourning these heartbreaking tragedies that took the lives of innocent children and adults.“This cannot become normal. We cannot become numb. We cannot look the other way. We all know, if nothing changes, nothing changes.”Firearms were the leading cause of death for American children and teens in 2020.— New York Yankees (@Yankees) May 26, 2022

Every day, more than 110 Americans are killed with guns, and more than 200 are shot and injured.— New York Yankees (@Yankees) May 26, 2022

The Uvalde school shooting was particularly personal for Rays reliever Brooks Raley, who is from Uvalde and still has family who live in the town. He attended the school where the shooting occured.58 percent of American adults or someone they care for have experienced gun violence.— Tampa Bay Rays (@RaysBaseball) May 26, 2022

The NBA’s Miami Heat also took a different approach to raising awareness and calling for change following the Uvalde shootings. Before Game 5 of the Eastern Conference finals against the Boston Celtics on Wednesday night, the Heat held a moment of silence in memory of those who were killed — followed by a statement urging fans to call lawmakers and demand change.“The Heat urges you to contact your state senators by calling 202-224-3121 to leave a message demanding their support for common sense gun laws,” public address announcer Michael Baiamonte read to the fans, some of whom broke into applause as he spoke.The moment was also broadcast as part of ESPN’s telecast of the game.

Sports

Chicago White Sox place reliever Joe Kelly on the 15-day injured list with a strained left hamstring

Joe Kelly immediately knew something wasn’t right.The Chicago White Sox reliever received a visit from the training staff after he struck out Franchy Cordero for the second out of the eighth inning Wednesday against the Boston Red Sox at Guaranteed Rate Field.AdvertisementKelly exited the game — a 3-1 White Sox win — was placed on the 15-day injured list Thursday with a strained left hamstring.“It was on the last pitch,” Kelly said Thursday. “Right when I landed. Tried to throw the breaker really hard. It’s not from that, but it came out 86 (mph), (the) leg kind of tightened up on me and it ended up being a strain.”AdvertisementThe right-hander, who signed as a two-year, $17 million deal in March, is 0-1 with a 9.53 ERA in seven appearances for the Sox. He began the season on the injured list as he recovered from a right biceps nerve injury.After a rehab stint with Triple-A Charlotte, Kelly joined Sox on May 9.“I felt comfortable throwing the ball, that’s for sure,” Kelly said. “Unfortunate on the timing of it. Especially with us playing some good baseball. Going to do whatever I can to make it as quick as possible the safe way and then get back. I’m going to still try to throw the baseball as much as I can every day, body workouts, right leg workouts, push, push, push, push and try to get back.”He allowed five runs in two-thirds of an inning May 12 against the New York Yankees at Guaranteed Rate Field but gave up only one run in his last four innings.White Sox reliever Joe Kelly stands on the mound during the eighth inning of a game against the Yankees on May 12, 2022, at Guaranteed Rate Field. (Chris Sweda / Chicago Tribune)“He understands how valuable he is to us, and we are going to miss him,” Sox manager Tony La Russa said. “He’s a real weapon.”Kelly got three big outs in Game 1 of a May 22 doubleheader against the Yankees at Yankee Stadium. Entering with two on and no outs, he struck out Marwin Gonzalez, picked off Aaron Hicks at second and struck out Jose Trevino to maintain a one-run lead.“Kelly was just perfect,” La Russa said after that game.Kelly struck out two batters Wednesday before exiting.Advertisement“He has some nasty stuff,” La Russa said after Wednesday’s game. “He can get you out with three or four pitches. He loves that pressure.”Kelly won’t be available for a stretch that includes games against some familiar faces.“It’s more frustrating knowing that I’ll be missing some big games,” Kelly said. “Former team with the Red Sox, former team with the (Los Angeles) Dodgers coming into town. (Toronto) Blue Jays, Tampa (Bay Rays), these are all stud teams. These are all playoff teams. That’s what I like to challenge myself with. I like throwing the ball in the playoffs just for that same exact reason. Every game is going to be close, every game is going to be exciting.“I’m more frustrated by the fact that I’m going to miss the competition with our guys, especially with our guys in the bullpen throwing the ball well. Going to miss the big at-bats — that’s ultimately the more frustrating thing. Not necessarily, ‘Oh, great, another rehab.’ I’m a little mentally tough with that kind of thing. I’m more mad I’m going to be missing the big dogs, the big teams.”Kelly said the rehab steps include getting his range of motion and strength back.“Everyone’s different on healing,” Kelly said. “If I was someone who worked a regular desk job, they would say three to four weeks. I throw a baseball. It’s my landing leg so could be quicker. I never assume that it’s going to be longer.Advertisement“They’re great at this stuff, obviously we rehabbed to get back on the mound from the nerve injury and I was throwing the ball well. Just follow their lead and don’t do anything dumb while rehabbing. Strengthen it up and get ready to throw.”In Thursday’s corresponding move, the White Sox recalled reliever Tanner Banks from Triple-A Charlotte. He had a 3.00 ERA with 13 strikeouts in 11 relief outings with the White Sox this season before being optioned to Charlotte on Sunday.