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Lifestyle

Ask Amy: Marrying couple masters the art of asking

Dear Amy: My son and his girlfriend just announced their plans to marry this year. It is the first marriage for both of them and we couldn’t be happier.We were very surprised, however, when they asked us what contribution we would make toward the wedding.AdvertisementI had always understood that wedding expenses were the responsibility of the bride’s family, and said so, but they said that was an “out-of-date” custom.We were blindsided and don’t know how to respond.AdvertisementHer family is generously giving them a healthy sum to use for wedding, honeymoon, etc. This should be more than enough to cover the wedding costs.We will host the rehearsal dinner (a traditional groom’s family responsibility) and plan on giving them a nice check for a wedding gift (but not as much as the bride’s contribution).A couple of years ago, we gave our son most of the down payment on the house they now live in together and feel we have done our share already. That gift was roughly double the funds the bride’s family is giving.Are we hopelessly out of date?How do we manage their expectations without causing ill-feelings?– Dated ParentsDear Parents: The marrying couple should be responsible for financing their wedding. One way to do this is to ask both sets of parents to contribute and then to plan for the wedding they can afford.Your son and his fiancée may seem especially bold when it comes to the “asking,” but that’s all they are doing – they are asking.AdvertisementAll they need from you is an answer: “In addition to the sum we gave you for your down payment, we’ll pay for the rehearsal dinner. We were also planning to give you a check for [name the amount] as a wedding gift, and if you would like it now rather than later, let us know.”This couple is responsible for managing their own expectations. This is “adulting” of the first order.Dear Amy: This has happened several times since my husband died:I live alone, and people drop off food for me.This happens without my knowledge, so I can’t tell them in advance that there are many foods I can’t eat.I am very grateful that they think of me, but I just don’t really understand the concept.AdvertisementI am not a shut-in, I am not ill, and I could certainly stand to lose some extra weight.Today a co-worker knew I was coming home from a weekend away and dropped off a very spicy stew. She texted me to say she had left it at my house.I opened the container and immediately knew that I would be sick for days if I ate it.How do I politely thank her but get the message across that I could not eat it?For the people who feel the need to give others food, please talk to them first to find out what they eat and if they have room to store the food!– OverfedAdvertisementDear Overfed: I can’t imagine how the concept of bringing food to a bereaved person has escaped you. Every region and culture I can think of contains a version of this practice, and although you make a strong case for the burden of receiving food when you haven’t asked for it, and a very good point regarding the challenge of receiving food you cannot consume, I hope you understand that there is a real spirit of generosity behind this effort.You can thank your co-worker using a version of this: “Thank you so much for dropping off the container of stew! I am so touched that you thought of me. Unfortunately for me, I can’t eat anything spicy, but oh – it smells so good. If I can find room in my freezer, I’m going to save it for a hungry guest. Let me know if you’d like me to return the container. I’m doing well right now, and I am so grateful for your thoughtfulness, but fortunately for me, I’m all set for food.”Dear Amy: Your response to grandpa bringing his grandkids cookies when he watches them, was ridiculous.You completely attacked his character, saying he’s lazy and implying that he may exert his “power” in other ways.Ask AmyDailyNo-nonsense advice for better living delivered to your inbox every morning. For a limited time, sign up for the Ask Amy newsletter and get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.That was over the top and a bit dramatic.Don’t be so lazy with the name-calling.Advertisement– DisgustedDear Disgusted: This grandfather’s choice was to ignore the explicit wishes of the children’s parents. So yes, he seemed like a lazy and disrespectful caregiver.Got a question for Amy? Enter it here and we’ll send it to her.Sign up here to receive the Ask Amy newsletter to get advice e-mailed to your inbox every morning, and for a limited time — get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.©2021 Amy Dickinson.

Sports

Jimmy Butler scores 47, helping the Miami Heat force Game 7 against the Boston Celtics in the East finals

BOSTON — Jimmy Butler had 47 points, nine rebounds and eight assists, and the Miami Heat forced the Eastern Conference finals to a decisive seventh game by beating the Boston Celtics 111-103 on Friday night.Ten years after LeBron James scored 45 points in Boston to help the Heat avoid elimination in Game 6 of the conference finals en route to the first of their back-to-back NBA titles, Butler had 17 points in the fourth quarter to top him and send the series back to Miami.AdvertisementWith a victory at home Sunday, the Heat would advance to the NBA Finals for the second time in three years. The winner will face the Golden State Warriors beginning Thursday. In the most back-and-forth game of the series, the Celtics took a 97-94 lead on Derrick White’s 3-pointer with less than five minutes to play — the first time all series the lead changed hands in the fourth quarter. Kyle Lowry answered with a 3 and then added two free throws as the Heat scored 11 of the next 13 points.AdvertisementJimmy Butler hugs P.J. Tucker (17) after the Heat defeated the Celtics 111-103 in Game 6 of the Eastern Conference finals Friday in Boston. Game 7 is Sunday in Miami (7:30 p.m. ESPN). (Michael Dwyer/AP)Lowry finished with 18 points and 10 assists before fouling out with 2 minutes, 18 seconds left. Butler made 16 of 29 shots, hitting 4 of 8 from 3-point range and all 11 free throws.Jayson Tatum had 30 points and nine rebounds and Derrick White came off the bench to score 11 of his 22 points in the fourth quarter for the Celtics, who are trying to reach the finals for the first time since 2010.The Celtics’ Jaylen Brown scored 20 points but missed a pair of free throws with the game tied at 99 after Lowry fouled out. Brown fouled out on an offensive charge that was assessed after a challenge on a missed dunk with 13 seconds left and the Celtics down by four.

Sports

Northwestern allows 8 straight late goals in a stunning 15-14 loss to North Carolina in the women’s lacrosse Final Four

BALTIMORE — No. 1 seed North Carolina staged a furious rally Friday in the semifnals of the women’s lacrosse NCAA Tournament, scoring eight unanswered goals for a stunning 15-14 victory against No. 4 Northwestern at Johns Hopkins’ Homewood Field.The Tar Heels were rescued by a player in her first season with the program.AdvertisementAttacker Sam Geiersbach, who transferred from Richmond, scored all five of her goals in a 4-minute, 24-second span to fuel the game-ending run that helped the Tar Heels end a three-game skid in the Final Four before an announced 7,694 and take aim at what would be the program’s third national championship.The Tar Heels (21-0) will play defending champion Boston College (19-3) in the championship game at 11 a.m. Sunday on ESPN.AdvertisementGeiersbach’s heroics — which included two assists for a game-high seven points — helped the Tar Heels rally from a 13-5 deficit with 32.3 seconds left in the third quarter. Fifth-year senior attacker Jamie Ortega added three goals and three assists, and graduate student midfielder Ally Mastroianni scored three times.ExpandAutoplayImage 1 of 15Northwestern Wildcats midfielder Samantha Smith spins, avoiding North Carolina Tar Heels midfielder/defender Julia Dorsey and defender Gabi Hall (5) during the NCAA 2022 Division I women’s lacrosse semifinal at Homewood Field Friday., May 27, 2022. (Karl Merton Ferron/Baltimore Sun Staff) (Karl Merton Ferron/The Baltimore Sun)The final score was North Carolina’s first lead of the game and was preserved by Taylor Moreno. The goalkeeper made her fifth save of the game by stoning Wildcats attacker Lauren Gilbert on a breakaway with 28 seconds left, and Moreno redeemed a performance that included getting pulled for 7:47 in the third quarter in favor of freshman Alecia Nichols.Gilbert paced Northwestern (16-5) with five goals and one assist, midfielder Jill Girardi amassed three goals, six draw controls and two ground balls and senior goalie Madison Doucette stopped nine shots.Chicago Tribune SportsWeekdaysA daily sports newsletter delivered to your inbox for your morning commute.But the Wildcats lost for the fifth consecutive time in the semifinals since capturing their eighth title in 2012.The game was delayed for 1 hour, 36 minutes by lightning with 1:11 left in the first quarter.No. 3 Boston College 17, No. 2 Maryland 16: In the second semifinal, Maryland committed a series of turnovers and failed to protect a three-goal lead with 7:13 left in the fourth quarter, and Boston College scored the final four goals to escape with a win.Attacker Charlotte North, the 2021 Tewaaraton Award winner as the top player in the nation, scored two of her game-high six goals to fuel a comeback that tied the score at 16 with 3:06 remaining. Then the Eagles cemented the victory with 18.8 seconds left when midfielder Cassidy Weeks dunked a pass from senior attacker Caitlynn Mossman.The Terps (19-2) had chances to salt the game away. Leading 16-14, Aurora Cordingley committed a turnover under heavy pressure from Boston College defender Courtney Taylor, which contributed to North’s goal that drew the Eagles within one with 5:16 remaining.AdvertisementMaryland attacker Libby May, left, tumbles after exchanging contact with Boston College defender Melanie Welch (13) while Boston College defender Sydney Scales watches during an NCAA Division I women’s lacrosse semifinal Friday at Johns Hopkins’ Homewood Field in Baltimore. (Karl Merton Ferron/AP)Maryland defender Abby Bosco won the ensuing draw but lost the ball, which led to North scoring her tying goal. Then after sophomore midfielder Shannon Smith controlled the next draw, junior attacker Hannah Leubecker lost the ball on a spin move to the middle, and Boston College capitalized with the eventual winning goal.Leubecker led the Terps with five goals. Junior attacker Libby May finished with three goals and two assists, and freshman midfielder Jordyn Lipkin added two goals and two assists.

Sports

San Francisco Giants manager Gabe Kapler won’t come out for the anthem in protest after Texas school shooting

CINCINNATI — San Francisco Giants manager Gabe Kapler on Friday said he will not take the field for the national anthem in protest of the nation’s political direction after this week’s school shooting in Texas.“I don’t plan on coming out for the anthem going forward until I feel better about the direction of our country,” Kapler said before a series opener at Cincinnati. “I don’t expect it to move the needle necessarily. It’s just something that I feel strongly enough about to take that step.”AdvertisementKapler said he needs more time to consider specific actions he might suggest be taken to prevent more tragedies of this type, such as stronger gun control laws.Earlier in the day, he used his blog to discuss the deaths of 19 children and two teachers during the shooting at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas.AdvertisementIn a post titled “Home of the Brave, ” Kapler wrote: “We elect our politicians to represent our interests. Immediately following this shooting, we were told we needed locked doors and armed teachers. We were given thoughts and prayers. We were told it could have been worse, and we just need love.“But we weren’t given bravery, and we aren’t free. The police on the scene put a mother in handcuffs as she begged them to go in and save her children. They blocked parents trying to organize to charge in to stop the shooter, including a father who learned his daughter was murdered while he argued with the cops. We aren’t free when politicians decide that the lobbyist and gun industries are more important than our children’s freedom to go to school without needing bulletproof backpacks and active shooter drills.”Giants manager Gabe Kapler talks with reporters on Oct. 5, 2021, at Oracle Park in San Francisco. (Karl Mondon, Bay Area News Group)Kapler went on the write: “Every time I place my hand over my heart and remove my hat, I’m participating in a self congratulatory glorification of the only country where these mass shootings take place. On Wednesday, I walked out onto the field, I listened to the announcement as we honored the victims in Uvalde. I bowed my head. I stood for the national anthem. Metallica riffed on City Connect guitars. My brain said drop to a knee; my body didn’t listen. I wanted to walk back inside; instead I froze. I felt like a coward. I didn’t want to call attention to myself. I didn’t want to take away from the victims or their families. …“But I am not OK with the state of this country. I wish I hadn’t let my discomfort compromise my integrity. I wish that I could have demonstrated what I learned from my dad, that when you’re dissatisfied with your country, you let it be known through protest.”Kapler’s comments came a day after the New York Yankees and Tampa Bay Rays used their social media accounts during the game between the teams to spread information about how gun violence affects American life.Firearms were the leading cause of death for American children and teens in 2020.— New York Yankees (@Yankees) May 26, 2022

Sports

‘He’s been sensational’: 3 numbers that highlight Johnny Cueto’s early success with the Chicago White Sox

The New York Yankees had something brewing early in Game 1 of Sunday’s doubleheader against the Chicago White Sox.Aaron Judge singled and Anthony Rizzo walked, putting Johnny Cueto in a bind with one out in the first inning. Cueto quickly worked out of trouble, striking out Giancarlo Stanton looking and getting Josh Donaldson to line out to third.AdvertisementCueto would go on to deliver a pitching clinic with six shutout innings.He didn’t factor in the decision in a game the Sox won 3-1, but he continued to impress in his first week with the team.AdvertisementCueto hasn’t allowed an earned run in 12 innings with 12 strikeouts and four walks in two starts since the Sox purchased his contract from Triple-A Charlotte on May 16.White Sox starting pitcher Johnny Cueto delivers in the first inning against the Yankees on May 22, 2022, in New York. (John Minchillo/AP)“He’s been sensational,” Sox general manager Rick Hahn said Tuesday. “It’s been fun to watch him pitch, the way he disrupts timing, the way he shows different arm angles, the whole thing is entertaining, not just because of the zeros but because of the show he puts on each start.”Cueto is the scheduled starter for the Sox on Saturday against the Cubs in the City Series at Guaranteed Rate Field.“He’s an intense competitor, obviously a very intelligent pitcher from what you’ve seen on the field,” Hahn said. “But in the clubhouse and in the training room, he is all business. For those three hours, you may get some chuckles along the way from how he’s messing with hitters, but it’s all part of a larger plan and maintenance program that he takes extremely seriously.“And it’s a good influence on the other guys.”Here’s a look at some of Cueto’s standout numbers.Cueto struck out the Royals’ Whit Merrifield, Andrew Benintendi and Salvador Perez in the first inning of his first start May 16 in Kansas City, Mo.He went on to pitch six shutout innings but did not factor in the decision in the a game the Sox won 5-3 in 10 innings.AdvertisementLuis Robert, who hit the go-ahead, two-run homer in the 10th, summed up what it would be like facing Cueto by saying through an interpreter, “It would be very difficult.”Cueto followed up the Royals start with six-plus shutout innings against the Yankees. He exited after allowing back-to-back singles in the seventh.According to Elias, he became the first pitcher in franchise history with six-plus scoreless innings pitched in each of his first two appearances with the team.Royals third baseman Emmanuel Rivera hit a grounder in the sixth inning of the May 16 game that first baseman José Abreu got a glove on but couldn’t make the play. The ball deflected to second baseman Leury García, who saw Cueto was covering first and threw to him for the out.“The one thing I think everyone got to see is he’s a freak athlete,” Sox pitching coach Ethan Katz said the next day. “People might not realize that. But how fast he got to first base … that’s something that a lot of people might not realize or know about him, but he’s probably one of the best athletes in this locker room. And he’s 36.”Two Royals reached in the sixth before Cueto retired the following two hitters to end the inning — and his day.AdvertisementAfter more success at Yankee Stadium, Cueto said in a statement the key to keeping the Yankees off-balance was locating his pitches up and down in the zone.Cueto’s scoreless-innings streak is the third longest by a Sox starter to begin his career with the team since 1974, according to STATS. Ken Brett tops the list with 17 innings in 1976. Jack McDowell is second with 13 in 1987.Cueto has been known for using a shimmy-shake type of delivery occasionally to disrupt a batter’s timing.“I’ve been doing that throughout my whole career,” Cueto said through an interpreter after the Royals game. “Every time I’m on the mound, I’m just having fun. That’s a way for me to have fun too.”There’s no official count on the number of deliveries, but the pitches have been effective.He retired the first nine hitters against the Royals before Merrifield singled leading off the fourth. The Royals had two hits against Cueto and the Yankees had had six.AdvertisementCueto is holding hitters to a .191 average (8-for-42).Sox manager Tony La Russa said before the doubleheader against the Yankees: “Keep him healthy (and) he’s going to be a huge asset for us.”