Author: staff

Lifestyle

Ask Amy: Disappointing daughter expects support

Dear Amy: My daughter just announced her engagement to her boyfriend, “Clay.”They are both heavy pot users. Clay is also a convicted felon (for selling narcotics), a college dropout, and has psychiatric and physical health problems.AdvertisementHe picks up occasional work but cannot and does not support her. He can barely support himself. He has terrible hygiene.Worse yet, he seems to be incredibly reckless. He has totaled three cars in three years.AdvertisementMy husband and our other children insist that I must support my daughter’s life choices, but I cannot bring myself to. I see only pain and poverty in her future.We raised our beautiful daughter in an upper middle-class family, sent her to private college and on European trips.We supported her 100 percent over the past year while she successfully undertook and excelled in a prerequisite program to start a three-year (online, part-time) master’s degree toward a new career.She recently got a minimally-paying job and wants us to continue to help support her while she moves forward with grad school and the boyfriend.Her siblings have said that if I don’t support her choices, I will lose contact with all of them.I feel like I’m being blackmailed into watching a horror movie play out. My heart is broken. If I cut off my daughter financially, she’ll hate me.If I don’t support her relationship with her boyfriend, they’ll all hate me.My husband, who wants to retire soon, wants me to at least support her relationship, and is willing to tell my daughter to take loans and support herself.AdvertisementCould you weigh in?– Heartbroken MomDear Heartbroken: I see a distinction between “support” and “accept.”Yes, you should accept your daughter’s choice because she is an adult and she has the right to make terrible choices.If you accept her, must you also “support” her? Absolutely not.She may need to experience the reality of living a marginal life – far from her upper-middle class privilege – in order to make a choice about it.AdvertisementIf she continues with her graduate program and you can afford it, you might choose to pay only her school bills (directly to the school). If she completes each semester successfully, you can choose to pay for the next semester. This would be extremely generous. She and “Clay” will then have to work to support their living expenses – as countless adult couples are expected to do.Invite them over for dinner, include them in family events, and yes – you may be forced to face and tolerate your disappointment in your pot-using daughter and her choice in partner, but until she is forced to face her own choices and disappointments, she will never be inspired to perhaps choose differently.Dear Amy: I have an alcoholic friend who is trying to quit drinking.We go out once in a while to have lunch or dinner and I’m wondering — would it be wise to have only one alcoholic beverage?I would think tapering off alcohol slowly and supervised would be better for him than stopping completely.I want to be helpful.Advertisement– Concerned FriendDear Concerned: If you are an addiction specialist, then by all means you could try to coach your friend through tapering off of alcohol and supervise his consumption. Otherwise, I believe it would be best for you to avoid alcohol completely when you are with him.For some addicts, any contact with their drug will trigger their addiction. One drink at lunch could lead to a binge later.Some people might be able to effectively reduce and possibly manage their drinking by choosing to change their habits, but an alcoholic in the throes of addiction could not be expected to be able to do this.Ask AmyDailyNo-nonsense advice for better living delivered to your inbox every morning. For a limited time, sign up for the Ask Amy newsletter and get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.It would be wisest for you to support your friend’s recovery by pointing him toward in- or out-patient rehab, attending 12-step meetings, and reckoning with your own powerlessness over his disease.Dear Amy: Regarding “Worried Dad,” whose 20-something kids had bad hygiene, bad eating habits, and a habit of leaving messes, you left out the possibility that the boys are suffering from depression, particularly if this is a change from their habits in the past. I’d strongly recommend they be diagnosed by a physician knowledgeable about this insidious disease.Advertisement– Been ThereDear Been There: This father did not indicate any change in their habits, but I agree that a medical screening is always wise, especially for young men, who tend to avoid going to the doctor.Got a question for Amy? Enter it here and we’ll send it to her.Sign up here to receive the Ask Amy newsletter to get advice e-mailed to your inbox every morning, and for a limited time — get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.©2021 Amy Dickinson.

Sports

Naomi Osaka loses in 1st round of French Open, may skip Wimbledon

PARIS — A year ago, Naomi Osaka left the French Open of her own volition, never beaten on the court but determining that she needed to pull out before the second round to stand up for herself and protect her mind.On Monday, Osaka departed Roland Garros against her will — via a 7-5, 6-4 loss in the first round to 20-year-old American Amanda Anisimova, who is seeded 27th and also won their contest at the Australian Open in January — after taking a painkiller to try to deal with a troublesome left Achilles tendon. She tried to stretch the tendon by tugging on her neon yellow shoes at changeovers or by squatting to flex her lower leg between points.AdvertisementOsaka was unable to summon the serving or court coverage on which her game is based, in part because her practice time and recent match play have been limited. The four-time Grand Slam champion and former No. 1-ranked player, who is now ranked No. 38 and was unseeded in Paris, double-faulted twice to end games and called the outcome “disappointing.”Yet she also provided a measure of the way in which her mindset might have changed since her previous appearance at the clay-court major tournament, when she decided not to speak to the media at all (drawing a $15,000 fine and threat of further punishment, which prompted her withdrawal), saying that stance was because of anxiety and depression she hadn’t previously revealed. Her openness back then helped spark a wider awareness of, and conversation about, the importance of mental health.Advertisement“I’m really happy with myself,” Osaka said Monday, “because I know the emotions that I left France (with) last year.”Naomi Osaka loses to Amanda Anisimova in the first round at the French Open on Monday. (Christophe Ena/AP)Barbora Krejcikova also was aware of the wide spectrum of emotions she went through herself at the French Open from 2021 — when she was a Grand Slam singles champion for the first time — to 2022 — when she joined Osaka in departing in the first round.Krejcikova was seeded No. 2, but she was coming off an injured right elbow that kept her off the tour since February, and her first match back began with a 4-0 lead before unraveling into a 1-6, 6-2, 6-3 exit against Diane Parry, a 19-year-old from France who is ranked 97th and entered the day with a 1-5 career record in Grand Slam matches.Krejcikova said she “hit the wall” early in the second set and never recovered, becoming just the third woman in French Open history to be defeated in her opening match a year after winning the title.There weren’t any other such significant results on Day 2, when the women’s winners included No. 1 Iga Swiatek, the 2020 champion; and other past major champs Petra Kvitova, Victoria Azarenka and Bianca Andrescu. In men’s matches, 13-time champion Rafael Nadal won in three sets and No. 13 seed Taylor Fritz won in five.Novak Djokovic opened his title defense Monday night with a 6-3, 6-1, 6-0 victory in less than two hours over Yoshihito Nishioka. He improved to 18-0 for his career in the first round at Roland Garros. U.S. Open champion Emma Raducanu also won in the night session, beating Czech qualifier Linda Noskova 6-7 (4), 7-5, 6-1.Merely conducting news conferences, before the tournament on Friday and after this loss, were a step forward for Osaka. She was comfortable addressing all sorts of topics, including her difficulties on clay and grass courts, the fact that she is leaning toward skipping Wimbledon because there won’t be ranking points offered there and the increased attention to protecting athletes’ well-being — even if the strides made over the past 12 months are not necessarily enough.“I mean, I feel like there is always more to do. You can’t progress and then just stop. You know what I’m saying? There always has to be evolution,” Osaka said. “But I feel like, as of right now, they are trying their best, and I think it’s really nice to see.”AdvertisementWhile Osaka’s best performances have come on hard courts, Anisimova’s best showing at a Slam came on the red clay of Roland Garros, where she reached the 2019 semifinals at 17. And even if the occasional rain that delayed play for hours Monday made the tennis balls heavier and restricted what Anisimova felt she could do to deliver shots where she wanted them, she was good enough to advance in straight sets against a top-flight opponent.“A lot of anticipation over the last couple of days. I was trying not to think about it too much, but going into the match, I did feel like the stress and the nerves a bit, because it is a very tough first round,” Anisimova said. “Just happy with how I was able to manage it and get through it.”

Sports

Willson Contreras remains out of the Chicago Cubs lineup, but manager David Ross says an IL stint is unlikely

CINCINNATI — The last thing the struggling Chicago Cubs need is catcher Willson Contreras sidelined by an injury.Contreras was not in the lineup for Monday’s series-opening 7-4 victory against the Cincinnati Reds, still considered day to day while nursing a tight right hamstring. However, manager David Ross was confident Contreras won’t go on the 10-day injured list.Advertisement“We’ll give him a couple of days to rest up, but, yeah, he’s good,” Ross said. “Status quo.”That would be the best outcome after Contreras exited Saturday’s game against the Arizona Diamondbacks in the third inning after feeling something in his hamstring when he stole second base. Teams can backdate a player on the IL up to three days, making Tuesday important for Contreras’ progress if he indeed will avoid the IL.AdvertisementWhile the Cubs want Contreras, their hottest hitter, in the lineup, there’s no reason to rush him back. Hamstring issues have bothered Contreras in the past, landing him on the IL in 2017 and 2019. This type of injury can be particularly troublesome for a catcher with the flexibility and movement needed behind the plate.The Cubs can ease Contreras back into the lineup as the designated hitter, a spot they’ve used to manage his defensive workload. It doesn’t help either party if Contreras returns too quickly and potentially worsens the ailment.[ [Don’t miss] Column: The futures of Tony La Russa and Willson Contreras could lie in past White Sox and Cubs seasons ]Even with uncertainty about when Contreras will be back in the lineup, the Cubs are moving closer to a healthy roster. Infielders Nico Hoerner and Nick Madrigal, outfielder Clint Frazier and left-hander Sean Newcomb are all eligible to come off the 10-day IL when ready. Hoerner (right ankle sprain) took batting practice Monday at Great American Ball Park and is expected to take grounders Tuesday.“He’s progressing well every day,” Ross said. “Hopefully in a few days. We’ll see. He’s close.”Madrigal (lower back strain) did agility work in the outfield pregame. Ross said Madrigal had a really good day Sunday and the team will continue to monitor him. Ross indicated a rehab assignment might be coming up for Madrigal.Ross did not have an update on the return of Frazier (appendectomy), who has played five games on his rehab assignment at Triple-A Iowa. Newcomb (left ankle sprain) will begin a rehab assignment with Iowa on Tuesday.ExpandAutoplayImage 1 of 18Cubs designated hitter Frank Schwindel, left, and third baseman Patrick Wisdom celebrate the win on May 22, 2022, at Wrigley Field. (Brian Cassella / Chicago Tribune)Life on the big-league taxi squad can create unexpected free time for a player in limbo.P.J. Higgins joined the Cubs taxi squad May 9 in San Diego and spent the next eight days with the team. That meant no game action until he rejoined Triple-A Iowa on May 17 in Des Moines, appearing in four games before the Cubs called him up Sunday.AdvertisementHiggins promptly hit a three-run triple in his first at-bat.“It feels like I’ve been constantly packing my suitcase going here and there, here and there,” Higgins told the Tribune. “But, honestly, I didn’t think too much of it. Being on the taxi squad and not getting at-bats was unfortunate, but you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do. … I don’t know if there’s any real trick to doing it. Just kind of go with the flow.”[ [Don’t miss] How sidearm reliever Scott Effross developed into a weapon for the Cubs: ‘He’s not fazed by the moment’ ]Higgins tried to maintain his typical hitting routine during his time on the taxi squad. He continued his cage work and hit on the field if he got the opportunity. He also caught bullpen sessions and worked with catching coach Craig Driver to maintain his catching form.Higgins’ preparation during his eight days away from Triple A worked: He went 7-for-11 with three doubles and seven RBIs in the four games with Iowa before getting promoted.“I just tried to prepare myself the way I did before when I wasn’t playing and just mentally get myself going,” Higgins said. “But I’ll be honest, the first couple of games, I was tired, especially catching. My legs were a little tired, so that was a bit of adjustment.”Cubs catcher P.J. Higgins hits a three-run triple in the second inning Sunday, May 22, 2022, at Wrigley Field. (Brian Cassella / Chicago Tribune)Returning to the majors is particularly satisfying for Higgins, whose first big-league call-up ended after nine games last June because of season-ending surgery to repair the flexor tendon in his right forearm. He began a throwing program in November and was fully cleared about two weeks before spring training.Advertisement“Having that little bit of experience does help a lot to calm your nerves because you’ve been in Wrigley, you’ve been in big-league stadiums, you’ve been around the locker room, you know the travel schedule,” Higgins said. “So a little experience does a lot more than you think, even though it was a short period of time.”Barring an IL move, Higgins might not see much playing time, but he gives the Cubs insurance for catcher Yan Gomes while Contreras is unavailable. After the work Higgins put in over the offseason to come back from surgery, the 2015 12th-round pick is grateful for every opportunity.“It means a lot that they have the trust in me to bring me up and fill in for Willson while he’s out,” Higgins said. “It shows that they’ve paid attention throughout all these years.”Cubs starer Wade Miley pitches against the Diamondbacks in the first inning Sunday, May 22, 2022, at Wrigley Field. (Brian Cassella / Chicago Tribune)By now, left-hander Wade Miley is no stranger to returning to a ballpark he used to call home.Chicago Tribune SportsWeekdaysA daily sports newsletter delivered to your inbox for your morning commute.The Cubs are Miley’s eighth team in 12 big-league seasons. This week’s four-game series at Great American Ball Park is his first trip to Cincinnati since the Cubs claimed him off waivers from the Reds in November.Miley stopped by the Reds weight room before Monday’s game to say hi to former teammates and staff. He bear-hugged infielder Mike Moustakas, a teammate during both of Miley’s seasons in Cincinnati (2020-21), at the top of the visitors dugout steps during Reds batting practice.Advertisement“We got really close over there, spent so much time together,” Miley told the Tribune. “The whole COVID thing, like, we were together in the hotels — you could slip out to play some golf, that’s about it — so you’d spend a lot of time with those guys and we got really close, learned a lot about each other. It was really cool.”[ [Don’t miss] Cubs President Jed Hoyer is confident his long-term game plan is working: ‘We’re on the right track’ ]Miley won’t get to face his old team this week after starting against the Diamondbacks on Sunday at Wrigley Field. But the Cubs and Reds are slated to play 15 more times after this series, giving Miley good odds of squaring off against his ex-teammates at some point this season.And when that time comes, who will have the edge between Miley and Reds hitters?The only matchup Miley has an eye on is if he faces a Reds catcher who caught him.“He literally knows what I’m about to do, but it’s more fun,” Miley said. “Like, if it’s Kyle Farmer, he’s going to give you the best bat of the night because we’re so close. He doesn’t want to get the text after it. I don’t want to get the text either. So we’re going to go after each other pretty hard.”