By Kristen Amundson
What did you call your grandparents? What do your grandchildren call you?
Are you Grandma and Grandpa? Nana and Papa (the current favorites in the U.S.)? Mimi and PopPop? In some families, the name for grandparents is the result of the oldest grandchild’s mispronunciation, which is why my grandparents came to be called Amah and Amak.
The many names for grandparents reflect the different roles these family elders play. In a time of demographic changes, the role of a grandparent is very different from being a grandparent a generation ago.
There are still plenty of grandmothers like Mrs. Doubtfire or Grandma Walton, wearing an apron and serving freshly baked cookies. But today, you’ll also find grandparents running big corporations or running for Governor of their state. Kansas Governor Laura Kelly was elected for the first time at the age of 69.
Some grandparents are on track to visit all seven continents, while others want to run a half-marathon. The grandparents who used to live “over the river and through the woods” may have moved to a retirement community two time zones away.
There’s no one best way to be a grandparent. But there are things you can do to make sure you are the best grandparent for your grandchild. Here are some things to consider:
Your age. Grandparents who have their first grandchild in their 50s will see their role differently from grandparents whose first grandchild is not born until the mid-60s. For example, younger grandparents may still be working full-time.
If your own children expect you to become a full-time caregiver, sometimes called a “Granny Nanny,” you need to think carefully about your own health. Be honest about what you are physically able to do.
Your financial health. Some grandparents can rely on Social Security, pensions, and investments for support. Others may need to continue working just to make ends meet. According to the Kaiser Family Foundation, more than 6 million seniors over the age of 65 have a yearly income ($14,040 or less) that puts them below the poverty line.
Your willingness to follow the parents’ rules. The hardest thing for grandparents to accept is often that they are no longer the stars of the parenting show. Parents get to set the rules, even if grandparents don’t agree. (“Parents have the right to be wrong” is a good motto to remember).
What your grandchildren and their families most need. A young family trying to save money to purchase a home may need to move in with grandparents while they are saving. A child with special learning needs may need to be driven to a tutor after school when parents are in the office. Parents may need the “emergency care” grandparent to pick up a sick kid at school or keep a child with a fever home for a day.
Once you have identified the things your grandchildren most need, try to look at what needs you might be able to meet. Clear communication is the best way to make sure there are no unpleasant surprises.
It takes love, patience, organization, and clear communication to be a good grandparent. But the rewards – close family ties, successful grandchildren, even your own health – are worth all of it.
Virginia grandmother Delores McQuinn puts it this way: “If I’d known that being a grandmother was so much fun, I’d have asked, ‘God, could you please send me the grandkids first?’”
Kristen Amundson is a nationally recognized expert on student achievement, education, and how families can become advocates for their children. This column is based on her book, The Grandparent Effect: Helping Children Thrive Through Love, Support, and Connection, published by Bloomsbury in 2026.
