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Lifestyle

Ask Amy: Both giving and receiving bring trouble

Dear Amy: After many years of exchanging gifts with my brother-in-law and his wife, my husband and I decided we didn’t want to do it anymore.We are trying to get rid of things. We have too much stuff!AdvertisementThe gifts were getting more extravagant and some we didn’t even like or use (and gifts we had given them ended up in their garage sale, so this was mutual). It was sucking the joy out of the holidays.After politely telling them we no longer wanted to exchange gifts for holidays or birthdays, they ignored our request.AdvertisementThe first year, we were given Christmas presents and had nothing for them. I was embarrassed and reiterated that we didn’t want to do this anymore and that their gifts made me uncomfortable.The next time my birthday gift arrived with a card that said it was from their dog, so technically it wasn’t from them. Ha-ha.And still it continues. I even stopped writing thank you notes.I fluctuate between feeling like the Grinch and feeling angry because I feel disrespected.How should we handle this?– Not GiftedDear Not: The negative spin on this is that your in-laws are being deliberately disrespectful.Another way to see this is that they are as filled with anxiety about gift-giving (or their perceptions of cultural or family pressure) as you are about receiving – and they can’t seem to find a way to stop.AdvertisementThe clue that they have received and understand your message and intent — but may not be able to stop themselves — is when they sent a gift “from” their dog. That’s just sad.Because your very reasonable and direct communication has not been respected, you might get some headway by giving them a specific directive: “We understand your desire to be generous gift givers, even though as we’ve said, we really don’t want to continue to receive. So, in the future, can we ask you to direct your giving to [a favorite local charity] on our behalf? That would mean a lot to us.”If – despite all this — you continue to receive material gifts, very quickly donate them and … let it go.I’m sure readers will want to weigh in.Dear Amy: My kids are now in their 40s and have children of their own.In the past, I’ve enjoyed selecting “just the right gift” for each grandchild and mailing it. I liked to visualize delight in the child’s eyes receiving a wrapped gift in the mail from their grandparents.AdvertisementOn occasion, we’ll get a thank you note back, but more often than not – nothing.Before Christmas last year, we receiving a formal letter typed on my son’s business letterhead telling us that their child “doesn’t need any more of your toys and clothes.” This letter demanded instead that we send money directly to the child’s new bank account. Deposit slips were enclosed.We were shocked. While perhaps they should get points for being practical, the kids are very young, and I find this directive offensive.My husband threw it in the trash.What to do?– Grandma in AZAdvertisementDear Grandma: This letter regarding your gift-giving was particularly cold and unkind.That having been said, many young and prosperous families do complain about their children receiving an overabundance of gifts.You might choose to accept their directive, with a slight twist.You could let this family know that for future gift-giving occasions, you will send the child a card, and if you choose to give money to the child, you will place the funds into an account that you will set up, turning the money over to the child at some future date.I hope you will turn your material generosity toward children who really value it, donating gifts to your local “Toys for Tots” campaign, or your local children’s hospital’s holiday appeal.Dear Amy: “Dreamer” was dreaming about contacting her first love.AdvertisementMy advice? Let it go. Don’t do it. Get help and get past it. Nothing good will come of it and the repercussions will last a lifetime.After 22 happy years, my husband and I hit a rough patch and I had an emotional affair with my first love — my high school boyfriend.Ask AmyDailyNo-nonsense advice for better living delivered to your inbox every morning. For a limited time, sign up for the Ask Amy newsletter and get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.It broke something in our marriage. Five years later, my husband had an affair.It ruined our marriage and our business, wounded our daughter deeply, and our son is still a mess.– Regret it DailyDear Regret It: What a tough lesson. I’m sorry.AdvertisementGot a question for Amy? Enter it here and we’ll send it to her.Sign up here to receive the Ask Amy newsletter to get advice e-mailed to your inbox every morning, and for a limited time — get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.©2022 Amy Dickinson.

Sports

Vince Velasquez pitches 5 strong innings as the Chicago White Sox beat the Boston Red Sox for their 4th straight win

BOSTON — Vince Velasquez feels like everything is clicking.The right-hander had his second straight strong start for the Chicago White Sox, allowing one run in five innings in a 4-2 victory against the Boston Red Sox in the series opener Friday in front of 30,944 at Fenway Park.AdvertisementVelasquez surrendered three hits, struck out two and walked two as the White Sox won their fourth straight.“It’s a good feeling, knowing that you’re establishing good command with your secondary pitches,” Velasquez said. “I knew I wasn’t going to get a lot of punchouts today, but I utilized the defense as much as I possibly can and forced some contact and made big pitches when I needed to.Advertisement“It’s a good sign of heading in the right direction, knowing that things are kind of falling into its right place.”Tim Anderson and Luis Robert led the way offensively.Anderson had three singles. He scored on a sacrifice fly by José Abreu during a three-run third.“The shortstop had a Hall of Fame game,” Sox manager Tony La Russa said of Anderson. “The base hits. Watching him — I told him too — you watch Tim Anderson run the base when he’s got to make a cut and turn, it’s as good as anybody I’ve ever seen in all my years.“That jet motor he’s got, when he makes that turn, he kicks it into another gear. It’s as fast as anybody I’ve ever seen. (And) the defense.”Robert supplied the other runs in the third with a two-run homer to left, his fourth of the season.The White Sox added an insurance run in the eighth. Adam Engel singled, stole second, moved to third on a flyout and scored on a sacrifice fly to right by catcher Reese McGuire.The White Sox had 10 hits while Velasquez and four relievers limited the Red Sox to six.Advertisement“You have to give (Velasquez) extra credit,” La Russa said. “He knows who he’s matched up against. (Red Sox starter) Nathan (Eovaldi) has been throwing the ball as well as anyone in baseball.“(Velasquez) moves his fastball around, he’s got an extra little zip. He can sink it in. He’s got breaking ball and a slider and a change. He can get through the lineup several times and give guys different looks. Reese does a good job of mixing it up.”[ [Don’t miss] Gavin Sheets’ adjustments in his 2nd White Sox season include beating the shift — and facing the Green Monster ]Velasquez (2-2) earned his first win of the season in his previous start against the Los Angeles Angels, allowing four hits and striking out six in 5⅔ innings in a 4-0 victory on April 30. It was his first win since June 29, 2021, for the Philadelphia Phillies against the Miami Marlins, snapping a career-high 12-start winless streak.Friday’s win was his first on the road since May 25, 2021, in Miami. He came in 0-7 with a 13.50 ERA in his last seven road starts.“Utilizing the slider and curveball to get me back into the count, I think that was very useful,” Velasquez said. “And also the trust that’s being established from Reese and I. Last two outings, we’ve been on the same page. That’s another confidence booster going into any game.”He had to work out of trouble in the fifth. The Red Sox scored once and had runners on the corners with two outs. Velasquez got Trevor Story on a check-swing third strike to end the inning, putting him in position to pick up the win.Advertisement“Story is going to make me work, man,” Velasquez said. “I faced him (when Story was) in Colorado and he was one of those guys that did some damage on me. It came down to execution. Kind of helping myself get back into the count and I let him get himself out.“Again, it’s a matter of having that boost of confidence and knowing that there is one pitch that can have that impact and I want to win that.”[ [Don’t miss] Matt Foster is providing a boost out of the White Sox bullpen: ‘He took the bull by the horns’ ]Liam Hendriks walked one but struck out three in a scoreless ninth for his eighth save.“The more you win, the more joy it brings,” Hendriks said. “Then it just rolls. It turns into that cyclone rainstorm when it rains, it pours. Everybody assumes the next guy is going to pick him up. We are picking each other up every time.”He has saved all four games during the winning streak. Wednesday’s save against the Cubs came with a heavy heart after the death of his grandfather.“Losing my dad’s dad, Opa … I was holding it together before (Wednesday’s) outing and then it was just the adrenaline,” Hendriks said. “Everything kind of flowed through me and it was extremely hard.Advertisement“We are glad he went peacefully and it wasn’t a struggle or anything like that. He’s upstairs looking down on us with a sherry in hand.”

Sports

Candace Parker moves into 10th on the WNBA scoring list, but the Chicago Sky lose their opener in overtime

Candace Parker might be nearing the end of her WNBA career, but she’s playing like she still is in her prime.Despite the Chicago Sky falling 98-91 in overtime to the Los Angeles Sparks in the season opener Friday night, Parker passed Lauren Jackson (6,007 points) and Seimone Augustus (6,005) for the 10th spot on the league’s all-time scoring list with 6,011. She finished with 21 points, six rebounds and six assists.AdvertisementParker wasn’t made available to media after the loss to her former team. The sting of letting the game slip lingered into the defending champions’ news conference.“We were tired and it’s not an excuse, but it’s just where we are right now,” said Sky point guard Courtney Vandersloot, who had 11 points, four rebounds and eight assists. “We are not in shape to play 35 minutes. It’s tough on us old people, but I think that played a factor along with poor execution and spacing.”AdvertisementIn a game that featured 16 lead changes, the Sparks outscored the Sky 10-3 in overtime after the fourth quarter ended in controversy.With 1.5 seconds left in regulation and the Sky up 88-85, Dana Evans fouled Jordin Canada on a 3-point attempt that drew the ire of a packed crowd at Wintrust Arena. The Sky, who were without All-Stars Allie Quigley and Kahleah Copper, couldn’t recover.Sky coach and general manager James Wade didn’t mince words when discussing the foul call.“Everybody saw (it wasn’t a foul),” Wade said. “(Evans) didn’t even touch her, even though (Canada) threw her body forward. How could good people who do this for a living see that and call it? It’s ridiculous.”When asked if she thought she fouled Canada, Evans said, “Not at all. No.”Canada (21 points, eight assists) and Nneka Ogwumike (19 points, 7-of-10 shooting) led the way for the Sparks while Liz Cambage struggled against the Sky frontcourt. She scored 11 of her 12 points after halftime. All five Sky starters scored in double digits, led by Evans’ 24 points. In her first career start in place of Quigley, she started off cold but went 7 for 8 from the field in the third quarter and scored 17 in the quarter. Evans said last week she wants to become “the best guard in the league,” and she built on the momentum she brought from training camp.Advertisement“I just told myself going into this season I wanted to play like Dana,” Evans said after the game. “I was just letting the game come to me and getting in the lanes and had some easy jumpers. Once those started going, the basket looked huge at that point.”Parker, meanwhile, continues to build her legacy after signing with the Sky in 2021. Along with climbing the all-time scoring ladder, the two-time league MVP and 2016 Finals MVP passed Tanisha Wright and Shannon Johnson for eighth in career assists.Augustus was in the building to see Parker pass her on the scoring list. The four-time WNBA champion and 2011 Finals MVP is now an assistant coach for the Sparks and had high praise for her former rival.“Candace has been a player that has transcended the game,” Augustus said. “She changed the game with her guard-like abilities as a post player. It’s been a beautiful thing to see her do what she’s been able to accomplish. The last player to have that kind of skill set was Lauren Jackson.”After the shootaround Friday morning, Wade wasn’t aware of Parker’s place among the scoring greats but pointed to her ability to win a championship with two teams (the Sparks in 2016 and the Sky last year) as one of the defining elements of her legacy.“She’s a special talent,” Wade said. “She’s probably going to go down as the greatest player to ever play the game. That’s probably one of the reasons I didn’t know how many points she scored because her greatness isn’t predicated on that.Advertisement“She’s won two championships, multiple gold medals and has won championships in every country she has been in. The only thing I know: She is a winner.”This could be Parker’s final season. She said during a segment on “WNBA Weekly” that she considered retiring after last season. The Sky bulldozed their opponents in the 2021 playoffs — after going 16-16 in the regular season, making them the first sixth seed or lower to win the Finals — but the journey was treacherous.Parker just turned 36 and signed a multiyear broadcasting deal with Turner Sports in September. She told the Tribune this week she no longer plays five-on-five in the offseason and focuses on maintaining her conditioning with her trainer.The end could be near for one of the greatest players in league history.“That is how I’m entering the season,” Parker said. “I don’t know what the future holds. I know my contract is up after this year and there will be decisions to be made.“But at this point in my career for the last three or four years, I’ve operated in the present and understand the value of every day because there’s more basketball behind me than in front of me.”AdvertisementThe Sky don’t play again until Wednesday against the New York Liberty at Wintrust. The ring ceremony and banner raising will be May 24 before they host the Indiana Fever, though the championship trophy was on display at midcourt Friday. James Kay is a freelance reporter for the Chicago Tribune.

Sports

Gavin Sheets’ adjustments in his 2nd Chicago White Sox season include beating the shift — and facing the Green Monster

BOSTON — Gavin Sheets got behind in the count during a fourth-inning at-bat Wednesday against the Chicago Cubs at Wrigley Field.The White Sox left-handed hitter poked Kyle Hendricks’ 1-2 pitch between second and third — where a hole had opened because of a shift — for an RBI single.Advertisement“Obviously until two strikes, I’m not trying to do that,” Sheets told the Tribune before Friday’s series opener against the Boston Red Sox at Fenway Park. “But it’s about trying to help the team out. Trying to get on base. Not striking out and putting the ball in play and letting the ball get deep.“The one (Wednesday) night was huge, getting the RBI. But more importantly, if (the opponent is) going to try to take away hits on the pull side, I’ve got to be willing to do that with two strikes and combat it.”AdvertisementIt’s not the first time this season Sheets has beaten a shift.He knocked a single to left in the fourth inning Tuesday against the Cubs, hitting a 2-1 pitch where the third baseman normally would be situated.Another example came April 24 in Minnesota when he slapped the ball the other way for an infield hit on an 0-2 pitch. Twins third baseman Gio Urshela, the only player on that side of the infield, chased down the ball at deep shortstop. Two days earlier in the series opener, Sheets collected an infield hit on a 3-2 pitch. He hit it in a similar spot, with Urshela diving to stop the ball.[ [Don’t miss] Column: Things we saw and heard at the City Series, including ‘Angry Lucas’ Giolito and a Pink Floyd reference ]“A couple of times he really was just staying on the ball and hitting it where it’s pitched,” Sox manager Tony La Russa said Friday. “Sometimes he spins off and gets it off the end of the bat and it squibs over there.“He’s going to try to stay on the pitches and still hit a line drive to left-center or right-center. It has worked out well for us.”Sheets singled to left April 21 in Cleveland, hitting a 3-2 pitch to the vacated third base spot.“It’s about letting the ball get deep and really try not to strike out,” he said. “Try to be a tough out. And I’ve been able to squeak some through there.”AdvertisementSheets had a .226/.273/.306 slash line with one home run and three RBIs in 18 games entering Friday.“I’ve been able to (take the ball the other way for a hit) a couple of times, which is nice,” he said. “Especially with two strikes. But hopefully I’m going to start driving the ball a little bit better now.”Sheets knows it’s a game of adjustments. He slashed .250/.324/.506 with 11 home runs and 34 RBIs in 54 games in 2021, his first season in the big leagues.“It’s getting used to scouting reports, getting used to the ways they are attacking you differently,” Sheets said of going from 2021 to ‘22. “Starting to face teams a couple of more times and obviously they change up the script a little bit. It’s all part of adjusting and adapting.“It’s one thing to get to the big leagues. You want to stay and you want to have success. It’s about adapting.”[ [Don’t miss] Andrew Vaughn goes on the IL with a bruised right hand. ‘I’m not much of a doctor, but it’s painful,’ says White Sox OF. ]Friday marked a first for Sheets, who started in left field.Advertisement“First time out there this year, and more importantly first time out there with the Green Monster,” he said. “Just trying to get as much work as possible (pregame). Get used to it.“It’s something different that you don’t have to face very often. Get a lot more reps in (batting practice) with it. Just know it’s there and try to make the best reads possible. Try to get as used to it as possible and see the way the ball comes off of it.“It’s pretty firm, so it’s going to come off of it pretty hard. The best advice that (coach Daryl Boston) was telling us was get to the wall early and as soon as you see it there, get back and play it off the wall.”Sheets called playing at Fenway Park “special.”“A lot of baseball history,” he said. “It’s cool to play in places like this and obviously a ton of history inside of it. The people who have played here. It’s special to come out here and go out to the Green Monster and be a part of history.”

Lifestyle

Mexican artisans travel to Chicago to create traditional carpets that adorn Daley Plaza: ‘We feel welcomed here’

Despite the rainy and windy week, Mexican artisans from the state of Tlaxcala were committed to finishing two monumental stone carpets adorning Daley Plaza.On Thursday afternoon the group finally completed the carpets after a month of planning and several setbacks because of the weather, said artisan Francisco Montiel. Each carpet was designed to depict the ties between Chicago and the people of Mexico.AdvertisementThe endeavor was a part of the first-ever Mexico Week, in which the consul general of Mexico in Chicago organized several events to celebrate Mexican culture and aim to challenge the stereotypical Cinco de Mayo celebrations taking place.Other commemorations include a special dish created by chef Carlos Gaytán of Tzuco restaurant, the exhibition “Images of Mexico,” at the Mexican Consulate, the inauguration of the Wings of Mexico sculpture downtown and a ceremony to name the library of Instituto Cervantes after the Mexican writer José Emilio Pacheco.AdvertisementArtisans Juan Hernandez, left, and Daniel Balderas work on the creation of the Huamantla Carpets at Daley Plaza in Chicago on May 4, 2022. (Jose M. Osorio / Chicago Tribune)On a rainy evening Mayor Lori Lightfoot gathered with Ambassador Reyna Torres Mendivil, congressman Jesús “Chuy” García, and several other Mexican government officials to take a picture in front of the Wings of Mexico sculpture placed in the Plaza of the Americas on the Magnificent Mile.The sculpture by Jorge Marín which will remain in the plaza until Oct. 1, celebrates Chicago as a welcoming city for immigrants and refugees. Behind the sculpture of the wings, there was another elaborate carpet. Montiel and his team, he said, are honored to adorn some of Chicago’s most emblematic places with the picturesque carpets traditional to his hometown of Huamantla, a city in Tlaxcala in Mexico.Though the materials used for the carpets created in the city had to be adapted to fit Chicago’s weather, the carpets are “extremely similar” to the ones he elaborated under team Arte Magico De Huamantla in Mexico, Montiel said. Rather than using sawdust, flowers and fruits, the carpets in Daley Plaza were made of stones.In Huamantla, the carpets are created on the streets to adorn the town every August as part of a religious tradition to honor La Virgen de la Caridad — Our Lady of Charity — and as a symbol of gratitude for health and a good harvest.Artisan Fransicso Montiel works with others as they create the carpet at Daley Plaza in Chicago on May 4, 2022. (Jose M. Osorio / Chicago Tribune)While creating the work, which features an image of The Bean and the Chicago flag, Montiel invited passersby to contribute by helping to add stones to the design or hearing the history of the carpets.“We wanted to make sure that we made this more interactive so that the people of Chicago can feel our warmth,” Montiel said in Spanish.An expert in carpet-making art, Montiel grew up in Huamantla, Tlaxcala, and learned the trade while growing up, he said. Over the past decade, he has taken his art to various parts of the world.Advertisement“We always feel welcomed here,” he said. “I enjoyed the questions from people passing by asking us about the carpets because we got a chance to share our story and our art.During the gathering at the Plaza of Americas, Lightfoot commended Torres Mendivil for her work in Chicago as the first woman to serve as the consul general in Chicago and said she was “an asset” to the Chicago area that is home to more than 1.5 million people of Mexican origin. ¡La Semana de México llegará pronto a Chicago! Del 2 al 10 de mayo habrá un gran despliegue de cultura, color y tradiciones mexicanas 🇲🇽 en los lugares más representativos de la ciudad. ¡Acompáñanos!#SemanaDeMéxicoEnChicago2022 pic.twitter.com/zmmfecvE82— Consulado General de México en Chicago (@ConsulMexCho) May 1, 2022

“The Week of Mexico pays tribute to the long-standing strong ties between the city of Chicago and Mexico. It showcases the important contributions and influence that Mexico has had in every aspect of our city of Chicago,” Lightfoot said.While Chicago is home to migrants from all over the world, Mexican immigrants make up the largest group. Torres Mendivil said that events seek to also highlight the diverse backgrounds and traditions of the Mexican communities living in Chicago. Tlaxcala, for example, is the smallest state in Mexico and therefore, often overlooked.Montiel said that having the opportunity to create their carpets in Chicago can open a new world for many people and invites everyone to visit Tlaxcala.larodriguez@chicagotribune.com