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Lifestyle

Ask Amy: Sober friend worries about friend’s enabling

Dear Amy: I am a recovering alcoholic, currently celebrating seven years of sobriety.A dear friend of over 30 years, “Brett,” is in a relationship with an alcoholic woman named “Emily.”AdvertisementBrett has rescued Emily from drunk-driving accidents before the police arrived. He has picked her up from work for being drunk at lunchtime. The list goes on and on.Emily lives with her elderly mother. Emily’s mother asked me to speak with her, and I did.AdvertisementEveryone agrees that Emily needs help, but nobody will take action. Emily cannot make any reasonable decisions for herself.Between Brett and the mother, they take turns every other weekend watching Emily. They hope for the best during the week.Brett and the mother are not alcoholic, so they may not understand the negative power of alcohol.However, it’s undeniable that no amount of “saving” is going to help this woman. She needs professional help! Both of these people love Emily, but the ripple effect of her alcoholism has reached a tipping point.Should I leave him to deal with this?Should I say to Brett: “Give me a call when she’s in detox/rehab?”I’d appreciate your advice.– Seven Years SoberAdvertisementDear Seven Years: You state that these enablers may not understand the negative power of alcohol. And yet they do understand this power because the job of keeping “Emily” alive is absorbing the full attention of two people. That’s power!Your question perfectly illustrates a point I often try to make: Addiction will absorb everyone in its path to varying degrees until the addict receives treatment. Case in point: Emily, Emily’s mother, your friend “Brett,” and now your relationship with all of them has been swallowed up by her disease.I suggest that you put this to them: “Emily has a disease. It’s called addiction use disorder. She needs treatment. If she had cancer or diabetes, wouldn’t you encourage her to get treatment?”They do not have the power to save Emily. Enabling at this level really is “playing God.” Imagine if Emily had landed in court-mandated rehab as a result of one of her drunken car accidents? She might be celebrating her own sobriety by now.My favorite phrase describing this dynamic is that people who repeatedly save addicts from the consequences of their disease are actually “loving them to death.”You are an alcoholic in recovery. You could take your friend to an Al-anon meeting; you could present him with some literature about co-dependency. Beyond that, you should not engage further, certainly if your own sobriety is threatened. Because then you would be one more casualty of this person’s disease.AdvertisementDear Amy: I realize I’m about to complain about a first-world problem, but I am a dad and will always want what is best for my boys.My wife and I have two awesome sons in their early 20s who live with us.Both have college degrees, are gainfully employed, and their moral compass points in the right direction. We are proud of them, we let them know it, and they know they are loved.However, their personal hygiene is poor, as is their diet, and they are not physically active, which has caused them to put on weight.Unless something changes, we are concerned it will only get worse.Our hope was that by exercising regularly and trying to eat well we were being good role models.AdvertisementHow can we encourage them to make healthier lifestyle choices without overstepping our boundaries or saying anything that could harm their self-esteem or make them feel shamed and insecure?– Worried DadDear Dad: These young men are living with you, and so your directives should be pointed toward behavior of theirs that affects the household.I’m talking about hygiene, here. I’m making assumptions, but if your sons are laying around the house in their own filth, playing video games and scarfing pizza (when they’re not at work), then you should lay down some very clear expectations.If they want to continue to live with you, they need to bathe each day, keep the common rooms clean, help with household chores, etc.I would not discuss their weight with them. Their weight is their business.AdvertisementAsk AmyDailyNo-nonsense advice for better living delivered to your inbox every morning. For a limited time, sign up for the Ask Amy newsletter and get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.Dear Amy: Thank you for your tough response to “Wondering,” who labeled her ex-husband and son “bad men” and then wondered why her daughter would have any contact with them.I appreciated that you pointed out that parental alienation runs both ways.– Child of DivorceDear Child: Some people do the very thing they deplore.Got a question for Amy? Enter it here and we’ll send it to her.Sign up here to receive the Ask Amy newsletter to get advice e-mailed to your inbox every morning, and for a limited time — get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.Advertisement©2021 Amy Dickinson.

Sports

Mavericks fan harassed, pushed members of Chris Paul’s family during Game 4: report

A Dallas Mavericks fan was ejected from the American Airlines Center during Sunday’s Game 4 against the Phoenix Suns.After the game ended, Paul tweeted “Wanna fine players for saying stuff to the fans but the fans can put they hands on our families….f— that!!”AdvertisementESPN’s Dave McMenamin reported soon after that Paul’s mother Robin “had hands put on her by Dallas fans” and Paul’s wife Jada “was also pushed.”Chris Paul’s Game 4 went from bad to worse. (Tony Gutierrez/AP)Paul’s children witnessed the incident, too.AdvertisementThe Mavericks were quick to respond.“The Dallas Mavericks are aware of an incident between a fan and the family of Chris Paul. It was unacceptable behavior and will not be tolerated. The Mavericks, along with American Airlines Center, swiftly removed the fan from today’s game,” the team said in a statement.The Mavs won the game, 111-101, partly because an uncharacteristic performance by Paul, who fouled out with nearly 9 minutes remaining in the 4th quarter.

Sports

Chicago Cubs lose 7-1 to get swept by the Los Angeles Dodgers, their 14th loss in 17 games

Walker Buehler pitched seven sparkling innings in his 100th career start, and the Los Angeles Dodgers beat the sliding Chicago Cubs 7-1 on Sunday night for their sixth consecutive victory.Buehler (4-1), a two-time All-Star who made his big-league debut in 2017, improved to 3-0 with a 0.43 ERA over his last three outings. The right-hander allowed one run and four hits, struck out six and walked two.AdvertisementCody Bellinger had three hits for the Dodgers and Justin Turner and Freddie Freeman each contributed a sacrifice fly. Mookie Betts went 2 for 5 while extending his hitting streak to a team-high nine games.The Cubs lost for the 14th time in 17 games. They had only three runs and 15 hits in the three-game sweep.AdvertisementThe Cubs had to shuffle their rotation after Marcus Stroman was scratched, and then they lost Justin Steele to a left hand injury.[ [Don’t miss] Column: It might be ‘tough to watch’ at times, but Seiya Suzuki and the Cubs are trying to stay patient ]Stroman was placed on the injured list without a designation, likely meaning the right-hander was shelved by a COVID-19-related issue.Chicago Tribune SportsWeekdaysA daily sports newsletter delivered to your inbox for your morning commute.Steele (1-4) stepped in, making his first appearance since April 30. But he departed before the fifth inning, sidelined by left thumb soreness.The Dodgers jumped all over Michael Rucker after Steele trudged into the dugout. With the bases loaded and none out in the fifth, Gavin Lux scored on Trea Turner’s double-play ball for a 3-1 lead. Then Betts scampered home on a wild pitch.Freeman’s sacrifice fly made it 5-1 in the seventh, and the NL West leaders tacked on two more runs in the ninth — helped by shortstop Nico Hoerner’s error.Dodgers: Manager Dave Roberts said LHP Victor González (elbow) will have arthroscopic surgery Wednesday. Roberts said it is a scope and the team hopes González will be able to return this season. … RHP Blake Treinen (right shoulder inflammation) was slated for an MRI on Monday, but Roberts said he doesn’t think Treinen will see the doctor now. The plan is to try rehab, Roberts said, with the hope of getting the reliever back after the All-Star break. … LHP Andrew Heaney (shoulder inflammation) plans to play catch Monday. “He’s doing great,” Roberts said. “He’s in a good frame of mind.”Cubs: 3B Patrick Wisdom was out of the starting lineup, but manager David Ross said Wisdom was feeling better. He left the second game of Saturday’s doubleheader because of a bruised left ankle.Dodgers: LHP Julio Urías (2-1, 1.88 ERA) gets the ball Monday night in Pittsburgh. LHP José Quintana (0-1, 3.38) starts for the Pirates.AdvertisementCubs: RHP Kyle Hendricks (1-3, 5.64 ERA) starts Monday night in San Diego in the opener of a six-game trip. LHP MacKenzie Gore (2-0, 1.71) takes the mound for the Padres.

Sports

Chicago White Sox extend their winning streak to 6 games by sweeping the Boston Red Sox with a 3-2 victory

BOSTON — The Chicago White Sox had decisions to make.They led the Boston Red Sox by a run in the ninth inning Sunday. Closer Liam Hendriks and fellow relievers Kendall Graveman and Aaron Bummer were unavailable.AdvertisementThe White Sox called on José Ruiz and rookie Bennett Sousa, and both got big outs to preserve a 3-2 victory in front of 28,602 at Fenway Park.“Luckily in college (at Virginia) I was a closer for my junior and senior year, so I had a little bit of experience doing it,” Sousa said. “Even through the minor leagues I had a few saves. So I’m used to being at that end of the bullpen and understanding that the hardest three outs are the last three outs.Advertisement[ [Don’t miss] Gavin Sheets’ adjustments in his 2nd White Sox season include beating the shift — and facing the Green Monster ]“But the key is not to let the pressure get too big, even though it’s Fenway Park, first time and that tying run is on second base. Just execute pitches and stay within yourself and hopefully good things happen.”Dallas Keuchel pitched six strong innings and relievers Ryan Burr, Matt Foster, Ruiz and Sousa came through as the White Sox completed a three-game sweep and extended their winning streak to six.It was Sousa’s first big-league save.“He’s earned that,” manager Tony La Russa said. “You’ve got confidence in him, keep pitching him. We can’t win without the depth.”White Sox reliever Bennett Sousa is congratulated by catcher Reese McGuire after earning his first major-league save against the Red Sox on Sunday, May 8, 2022, at Fenway Park in Boston. (Mary Schwalm / AP)Hendriks earned a save in the first five games of the winning streak, including victories Friday and Saturday at Fenway Park. The White Sox rested him Sunday.Graveman is healthy, La Russa said, noting that the right-hander warmed up Saturday and the White Sox held off on going in his direction Sunday.La Russa said Bummer felt a “tug” on the back of his right knee during his last appearance Friday and is headed to the injured list, a move that will accompany Joe Kelly’s arrival after a rehab assignment with Triple-A Charlotte.Burr, Foster, Ruiz and Sousa combined for five strikeouts and one hit in three innings.Advertisement“Those guys have been doing it since Day 1, really,” La Russa said. “Sousa’s done a really good job, Foster has saved us and Ruiz. Burr, the first guy that had to do it in the seventh, that’s big.White Sox starting pitcher Dallas Keuchel talks with catcher Reese McGuire during the sixth inning Sunday, May 8, 2022, in Boston. (Mary Schwalm / AP)“Nothing bigger than Dallas pitching six innings, two runs. That’s the biggest. I saw good movement and good command.”Keuchel (2-3) allowed two runs on eight hits with five strikeouts and one walk in six innings, his longest outing of the season.“This is a great step forward,” he said. “Winds were a little tricky at first, just trying to corral the strike zone and what it was going to do on the game mound. The bullpen mound had a different cross path with the wind than it did on the game mound.“Fortunate to get some early contact and really calm down that first inning with 20-plus pitches. Definitely a step in the right direction.”The White Sox gave him a lead with three runs in the third. Leury García drove in one with an infield single and José Abreu drove in two with a double. Abreu had four hits and four RBIs in the series.Advertisement“He’s been making that kind of contact (this season),” La Russa said. “He’s hitting the ball hard for longer than the production shows.”The Red Sox scored twice in the sixth to make it 3-2. Burr pitched a perfect seventh and Foster struck out the 2-3-4 hitters in the eighth.J.D. Martinez doubled against Ruiz to start the ninth. Christian Vázquez popped out to second and Ruiz struck out Alex Verdugo.The chess match went to another level. With the left-handed-hitting Jackie Bradley Jr. due up, the White Sox called on the left-handed Sousa.“I’d rather have the left-hander against Bradley,” La Russa said. “He’s gotten some big hits against our right-handers in the series.”The Red Sox countered by bringing the right-handed-hitting Kevin Plawecki off the bench to face Sousa.AdvertisementWhite Sox reliever Bennett Sousa pitches during the ninth inning Sunday, May 8, 2022, in Boston. (Mary Schwalm / AP)“I saw the lefties were at the bottom of the order there,” Sousa said, “and I kind of figured that would be a spot for me to come in and get the job done. (Ruiz) got the first two outs, which was great. And all I had to do was get one.”Sousa got Plawecki to fly out to center fielder Luis Robert for the final out. With the win, the White Sox (14-13) are over .500 for the first time since April 20, when they were 6-5.“As soon as it was in the air, I knew it would be an out because the wind was crazy today,” Sousa said. “That was really exciting. I gave (catcher) Reese (McGuire) a big hug.“It was awesome. One out. Go in there, get the job done and end with a sweep.”

Sports

3 things we heard from Chicago Bears offensive coordinator Luke Getsy, including his ‘tremendous’ dynamic with Justin Fields

The offense the Chicago Bears are beginning to install is based on versatility, and the team is seeking as many players as it can find who can master multiple tasks. That’s according to offensive coordinator Luke Getsy, who spoke with the media Sunday morning after the Bears wrapped up a three-day rookie minicamp at Halas Hall that should get the newcomers up to speed when they’re mixed in with veterans later this month.AdvertisementFrom the meeting room to the weight room to the huddle, first-year players got a crash course in how the Bears will conduct business. An update from Getsy was timely because so much change is expected for an offense that consistently has ranked near the bottom of the league in many key categories.The Bears might open the season with only four offensive starters who were in the same role in Week 1 of 2021: left guard Cody Whitehair, wide receiver Darnell Mooney, running back David Montgomery and tight end Cole Kmet.AdvertisementHere are three topics Getsy addressed.ExpandAutoplayImage 1 of 119Bears quarterback Justin Fields scores in the fourth quarter against the 49ers at Soldier Field on Oct. 31, 2021. (Jose M. Osorio / Chicago Tribune)If Fields solves the Bears’ decades-long struggle at the position, everyone from general manager Ryan Poles to coach Matt Eberflus and Getsy would get a huge head start in this process.“I’ve been super impressed with him,” Getsy said. “There’s no one in this building that works harder than him. There’s no one that cares more than him. We’re off to a great start.“He’s really accepted this challenge. We’re asking a lot of him to learn a lot of new things. He’s been a pleasure to work with.”[ [Don’t miss] Column: How Trestan Ebner’s fast-acting agent — and his sister’s cellphone — connected the Bears with the Baylor RB ]Getsy said the dynamic between him and Fields has been excellent and a buy-in from all parties is the only way Fields can perform dramatically better than he did as a rookie.“I was raised on that — that the play caller and the quarterback have to have a great relationship,” Getsy said. “We have to be on the same page always.“That’s where I’ve felt like he’s grown. He’s communicating with me so well now, things that he’s feeling, things that he sees, so that part of it has just been tremendous for a young guy to be able to do that. These three or four months that we’ve been together, it’s been a lot of fun.”ExpandAutoplayImage 1 of 11 Meet the Chicago Bears’ 2022 NFL draft class. (Jae C. Hong/AP)Getsy said the receiver group — which is led by Mooney and includes Byron Pringle, Equanimeous St. Brown and third-round pick Velus Jones — is growing more comfortable with Fields.AdvertisementGetsy said “guys were spinning a little” during the voluntary minicamp last month, but more time on task with Fields — with the receivers running routes on air — has helped.[ [Don’t miss] Bears Q&A: Why didn’t GM Ryan Poles get more help for QB Justin Fields? How many starters did they draft? ]“Of course everybody wants Davante Adams,” Getsy said. “But Davante wasn’t Davante until he became Davante. I think the system will enable some of these guys to play at their potential. We’ll give them an opportunity to show what they’ve got.“It’s just that experience of playing with the quarterback and teaching him the body languages, the signals you want to send to him when you’re ready to make a break. You can see that happening every single day, how much more comfortable these guys are getting and how comfortable Justin is getting with those guys.”Bears wide receivers Velus Jones Jr. (12) and Chris Finke (8) at rookie minicamp at Halas Hall on Friday, May 6, 2022, in Lake Forest. (Jose M. Osorio / Chicago Tribune)Getsy said Jones arrived Thursday wearing a suit, and the former Tennessee and USC wideout also bought a whiteboard to aid with learning the offense on his own and has proved to be a good note taker.“He’s a physically mature dude,” Getsy said. “He can handle this league — you can see that already. The speed just jumped at you on the tape. When that guy gets the ball in his hands, he looks like 4.3 on the field. Not many guys can do that, and that is what stood out about this guy. He has a chance to score every time he touches the ball.”[ [Don’t miss] Bears draft class is older with more college experience — a byproduct of COVID-19. Could it be deeper too? ]The key to Jones’ development will be helping him master different roles in the offense without stunting his progress. That can be a challenge for young wide receivers adjusting to the NFL.Advertisement“That’s what the whole offense is built around, the versatility of everyone,” Getsy said. “We want guys that can do a bunch of different things. We don’t want just one guy that can run down the field … (or) one guy that can run a choice route. “He definitely has that versatility, so that’s really cool. It was fun to see this weekend.”