Author: staff

Lifestyle

Ask Amy: True friends are worth freezing for

Dear Amy: “Allie” and I became friends when our children were young. We celebrated holidays, vacationed together, and shared in our joys and troubles.Allie is ambitious, friendly, and very extroverted, while I am quiet and introverted. It’s natural that she has a larger circle of friends, most of whom I have also known for years. She’s likeable and good at her work, but very status conscious.AdvertisementI have been a supportive, discreet friend. When she went through some painful years of family estrangement, mine was her surrogate family for holidays. When she needed babysitting help, I kept her kids.For several years, we invited (and paid for) her family to join us on vacation. She was happy to join, but played on her phone and constantly texted friends at home, making plans for when she returned.AdvertisementLast year, she asked my husband and son to mow her lawn when she was ill, which they were happy to do.Amy, I have been left out of friend trips, parties, and other events (where I knew everyone attending); I listened later while she related how much fun they’d had.I felt hurt and upset plenty of times, but I never realized how one-sided this friendship seemed until recently.I am not a perfect friend, but I have other meaningful friendships, and I don’t think this one is worth more of my time, yet I am still wondering about it.I think I’m ready to move on, but why am I harboring such animosity?– A FriendDear Friend: As I write this, I just came inside from picking some daffodils during a late-season snow storm.It occurs to me that there are some things – and some people – worth freezing for. And friendships have their reasons and their seasons.AdvertisementChildhood friends fade from view. College besties scatter. Professional buddies vow to stay in touch after a job change, but don’t.Friendships formed between parents when their kids are young are especially intense, but vulnerable, because these relationships are forged during the crazy days of playdates and sleepovers and emergency babysitting needs.But after the kids grow up and out, you recognize that your parenting brought you together, but your kids were the glue.You feel animosity toward “Allie” because in retrospect you realize that she has not been a good friend to you.You fulfilled some of her social and physical needs; she occasionally reciprocated. That’s what friends do, but that’s not what friends are.True friends are daffodils in the snow, and they are well worth freezing for.AdvertisementNow that the season for this friendship has passed, you should move on.Dear Amy: I have a good relationship with extended family and don’t want to jeopardize it. “Brian” is 15 years old. He is smart, good-looking, and very athletic.The problem is that he picks his nose and chews with his mouth open, and his parents don’t seem to care.I would like to take him aside and say something, but I’m hesitant. I could mention this to his mother, but surely she has noticed.Saying something to his older sister might be best, even though she’s at college.When we meet on Zoom, it’s hard to watch Brian’s gross habits. I am worried that it affects how his peers and others feel about him.AdvertisementYour advice?– Up the NoseDear Up the Nose: If you see “Brian” picking his nose, you can wordlessly hand him a napkin or tissue. Just reach over and hand it to him, saying, “Here you go.”You can even do this via Zoom. On camera, you can say, “Hey, somebody hand this to Brian.” And you hoist a tissue toward the camera, hoping that someone will take the cue and hand him a tissue on the other end. (I’ve offered tissues to people on Zoom when they sneeze, and it can be a fun visual gag.)I would not take these issues to others. He’s 15. If you can’t deal with him lightheartedly and directly, then you should let it go for now.Ask AmyDailyNo-nonsense advice for better living delivered to your inbox every morning. For a limited time, sign up for the Ask Amy newsletter and get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.Dear Amy: “Torn,” who is expecting her first child, says she is estranged from her mentally and physically abusive mother, but then asks you what she “owes” her mother.AdvertisementWhy do people who were abused and neglected growing up feel they owe their parents anything?– Don’t UnderstandDear Don’t: Adult survivors feel this way because they are confused and sometimes wracked with guilt over their parents’ behavior. They don’t know what “script” to follow, because they’ve been denied emotional and physical nurturing.Got a question for Amy? Enter it here and we’ll send it to her.Sign up here to receive the Ask Amy newsletter to get advice e-mailed to your inbox every morning, and for a limited time — get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.©2021 Amy Dickinson.

Sports

Chicago White Sox pitchers shut down the Cubs 3-1 in frigid conditions in the City Series opener

Few things came easy Tuesday night at Wrigley Field for the crosstown foes.Bone-chilling conditions — a wind chill in the 30s with a constant light rain and a 23 mph wind whipping from left to right field — created a brutal environment that Chicago Cubs and White Sox players and an announced 34,206 fans endured during a 3-1 Sox win.AdvertisementRarely was the play entertaining in a grind-it-out game that pitted Sox starter Michael Kopech against a struggling Cubs offense. The Cubs countered with a bullpen game started by reliever Scott Effross after scheduled starter Drew Smyly went on the bereavement list before the game.The Sox used a soft tapper down the third-base line from Jake Burger against Effross and a sacrifice bunt by catcher Reese McGuire to plate two runs off right-hander Keegan Thompson in the second inning. They tacked on a run in the third when Tim Anderson took Thompson deep for his fourth home run.AdvertisementThe Sox wouldn’t need any more offensive help. Liam Hendriks needed only 10 pitches in a perfect ninth to pick up his sixth save.Six Sox pitchers combined to strike out 12 Cubs, led by Kopech’s five in four shutout innings. Kopech lowered his ERA to 1.17 through five starts.As has occurred too frequently lately, the Cubs had opportunities, but two double plays hurt offensive momentum. They finished 1-for-5 with runners in scoring position and left seven on base.The Cubs bullpen came in leading the majors with 115 strikeouts and 11.33 strikeouts per nine innings. However, the five Cubs relievers — including Effross — combined for only three strikeouts.An athletic play by shortstop Nico Hoerner helped put away the Sox’s bases-loaded threat in the fifth. Hoerner, ranging in the hole, fielded a grounder off José Abreu’s bat and threw across his body to second base to start an inning-ending 6-4-3 double play. The Sox wasted a chance to build on their three-run lead after Thompson hit Josh Harrison and Anderson to start the inning.Hoerner was also responsible for the Cubs’ lone run, doubling home Ian Happ with two outs in the sixth.

Sports

Column: Players and fans alike weather miserable conditions for the opener of the City Series at Wrigley Field

There’s something about a City Series game that brings out the best in everyone.A good-natured rivalry, the availability of $14 beers and Chicagoans’ love of a spirited argument always seem to put fans in the right mood.Advertisement“You’ll see maybe one fight in the outfield and the bleachers once in a while,” White Sox starter Lucas Giolito said before Tuesday’s series opener at Wrigley Field. “But this series over the past few years, like the second inning — ‘Oh, we got one already.’”The Cubs marketing department missed out on an opportunity to have former Bears center Olin Kreutz throw out the ceremonial first punch, but otherwise it pulled out all the stops.AdvertisementThe trophy that goes to the winner of the annual crosstown series was on display on a table in the rain next to the Cubs dugout for one and all to see. It was part of the pageantry that comes with the Cubs-Sox series, though no one was in the stands and the only one paying any attention to it was the Cubs mascot.It was too cold to care, though not quite bad enough to cancel the game.[ [Don’t miss] Column: It’s hard to get too excited for the return of the City Series during a gloomy Chicago spring ]Neither rain nor wind nor gloom of spring could keep these teams from their appointed ballgame, even if anyone with common sense would’ve postponed it and played a doubleheader Wednesday, a rare Chicago day with no precipitation in the forecast.The game-time temperature was 45 degrees with a north wind of 23 mph and a slight mist, conditions better suited for duck hunting than the City Series. While Wrigley Field usually is packed for the start of the crosstown games, less than half of the seats were filled when starter Scott Effross took the mound, the first of several Cubs pitchers on what turned into a bullpen day.At least the Cubs and Sox players are used to this by now, and no one was complaining, at least out loud.“Just remind them they’re playing in the big leagues,” Sox manager Tony La Russa said. “Arizona is waiting for them if they don’t like it. Being a little sarcastic, but the fact is they appreciate you go through this in April, now May. And later on, they’ll be looking for cooler weather. As long as both sides have to deal with it, you go at it.”That doesn’t make it right to force fans to either sit through nights like this or eat their pricey tickets. But buying a ticket to a game in a ballpark near the lakefront before Memorial Day is always a risk, so caveat emptor.Wrigley is a beautiful place in the summer, but nothing’s drearier than Wrigley in the spring before the ivy blooms.Advertisement[ [Don’t miss] Luis Robert gets a rest in the City Series opener, but the White Sox CF is responding well after returning from a groin strain ]Back in 2007 I asked Cubs players if they thought Wrigley would last another 50 years without major changes. Catcher Michael Barrett — best remembered for punching Sox catcher A.J. Pierzynski and igniting a brawl in a 2006 City Series game on the South Side — had a unique idea on how to preserve Wrigley into the 2050s.“Ideally, especially for this time of year, you’d like to see a dome put on the outside of it,” Barrett said. “Don’t change anything about Wrigley Field. Just reinforce it and have a dome covering it.”The Ricketts Dome?Well, it would make going to a Cubs game in April and early May relatively tolerable, but now that the Ricketts family owns most of the rooftop clubs, that probably would be a non-starter even if it got through the city council.Everyone in the Cubs and Sox clubhouses appeared ready to deal with the raw conditions, even if some of the fans opted to stay at home or in the Wrigleyville bars. Cubs second baseman Nick Madrigal and his former Sox teammate Gavin Sheets spoke beforehand about mutual trash-talking, and Madrigal said Sox catcher Yasmani Grandal texted him Tuesday morning about something that wasn’t revealed.“It’s all fun and games,” Madrigal said. “I have built a lot of friendships over there. I don’t think this game means more than any other game. I’m sure I’ll be joking around with some of the guys on the bases … but we’re just focused on trying to win games at the end of the day.”Advertisement[ [Don’t miss] A banged-up Willson Contreras is day to day for the Cubs, while shoulder inflammation sidelines reliever Ethan Roberts ]Wins have been hard to come by for both teams this season, which was expected for the rebuilding Cubs. The Sox are another story, one that needs a rewrite at this point.But misery loves company, so both teams’ fans can take solace in the misery of their rivals. Still, Giolito wasn’t sure why fans in Chicago can’t root for the other side if their team isn’t doing well.“It seems like people want to be happy, right?” he said. “One team is playing well and the other team is not playing well, (so) try and stay positive and root for this team, I guess. I didn’t grow up here. I grew up in California, and I didn’t even really grow up a fan of a team. So that kind of mindset … that’s kind of foreign to me.”It’s a mindset most Cubs and Sox fans were born with, and it’s too late to change now. Being happy means the other guys are unhappy.So they sat together at Wrigley on Tuesday like human popsicles, watching a game while trying to feel their toes, because that’s just how we roll.

Sports

3 things we learned from Chicago Blackhawks GM Kyle Davidson, including why he hired a ‘baseball guy’

Chicago Blackhawks general manager Kyle Davidson has a lot of work ahead of him between the NHL draft, free agency and finalizing his front office — and he has to balance those priorities with the search for a permanent head coach.Davidson told reporters Tuesday he has been working for a while on a profile of his next coach but hasn’t set a target date for a hire.Advertisement“When we feel comfortable using that list of criteria to create a candidate list, we’ll do that,” he said. “But we don’t have a firm, firm timeline.”He added later, “Middle of July is a good time frame.”AdvertisementDavidson addressed other issues he’s tackling, including his choice to hire a former Cubs executive, his vision for the rebuild and the elephant in the room — what to do about Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews.Here are three things we learned from his sit-down with reporters.When Davidson took over the permanent GM role in March, he and CEO Danny Wirtz said the roster needed a complete reset to craft a perpetual contender — and they wouldn’t put a timeline on how long that process might take.However, they did throw out the possibility it could take at least three to five years.In recent weeks, players such as Toews and Kane — both entering the last year of their contracts — said they see no reason the team can’t right the ship in a season or two.“Like we’ve seen with other teams, things can turn around pretty quickly,” Toews said.Said Kane: “You can win and still be in a rebuild. I think there are teams that have accelerated that, too, right?”Chicago Blackhawks right wing Patrick Kane, left, and center Jonathan Toews argue with the referees on Feb. 5, 2020, at the United Center. (Chris Sweda / Chicago Tribune)Davidson said he read those comments and “that’s definitely a perspective of the player that I don’t think anyone should be surprised about. They’re in it to win that night and the next night and as soon as possible.”AdvertisementBut Davidson held fast Tuesday to the long-term goal.“We’re looking at it organizationally and building sustained success rather than getting somewhere as quickly as possible and then topping out before we really reach that level we want to get to,” he said. “If it takes a bit longer than the players wish, not everything can align perfectly with their perspectives and ours. “But we’re going to do this right, we’re going to build it the right way … and not rush anything for a quick run. We want to do this right and stay at a top level.”“If it takes a bit longer than the players wish — not everything can align perfectly with their perspectives and ours, but we’re going to do this right, we’re going to build it the right way.”—Blackhawks GM Kyle Davidson on players’ beliefs about a quick rebuild pic.twitter.com/sqRpqW5eWX— Phillip Thompson (@_phil_thompson) May 3, 2022

Not surprisingly, that was the topic of the first couple of questions. Why hire former Cubs assistant GM Jeff Greenberg, who has no professional experience in hockey, as one of your top two lieutenants? Davidson named Greenberg an associate GM, the same title as Norm Maciver.Such a move would invite skepticism for even a seasoned NHL personnel chief, but it’s bonkers for a first-time GM to do it, right?AdvertisementNot the way Davidson sees it.[ [Don’t miss] Blackhawks continue sweeping changes by firing assistant coaches Marc Crawford and Rob Cookson ]“The systems and processes (baseball teams) have set up — specifically the Cubs in Jeff’s case — were things that really appealed to me and I saw great value in,” he said.Davidson wants Greenberg to break down the Hawks’ analytics — how they’re collected and disseminated — and revolutionize that process using the Cubs’ proprietary system as a template. That system played a role in the Cubs winning the 2016 World Series.“And it’s not necessarily about baseball versus hockey or what he’s going see on the ice versus anyone else in hockey,” Davidson said. “It’s more so how do they make decisions in baseball. … They’re just much more efficient in gathering information in how to synthesize and use that information based on player evaluation, on how to enhance player development.“So those are the types of things we want to bring into hockey that we don’t have right now.”“What he brings is a improvement to our decision-making process and a sophistication to our information gathering that we just don’t have right now.”—Kyle Davidson to @johndietzdh’s question about skeptics who wonder how “baseball guy” Jeff Greenberg can help the Blackhawks pic.twitter.com/lKUPk3VxbE— Phillip Thompson (@_phil_thompson) May 3, 2022

Chicago Tribune SportsWeekdaysA daily sports newsletter delivered to your inbox for your morning commute.The two franchise leaders have no choice but to go along with the rebuild — unless they want to waive their no-movement clauses and seek greener pastures.AdvertisementBut that would mean leaving the only NHL team they’ve played for. The question for Davidson is does he want to risk having a couple of Stanley Cup veterans around possibly grousing about not making the playoffs if the rebuild starts wearing on them.[ [Don’t miss] Alex DeBrincat ponders his future with the Blackhawks — as well as life without Patrick Kane or Jonathan Toews ]On the other hand, Davidson said, they bring a significant “amount of experience, the understanding of what it takes to be a good professional.”“There’s definitely a place for Jonathan Toews and Patrick Kane moving forward,” he said. “I don’t think there’s any question about that.”How they’ll fit into the master plan is “part of the dialogue that we’re having and being very honest with how we see their role,” he continued, but “it’s not solved with one conversation.”Davidson made clear during those talks what to expect. He said each player’s exit interview “was the first time we talked more at length. But the message isn’t new, so it wasn’t a tough conversation. It was healthy, it was open.”

Sports

A banged-up Willson Contreras is day to day, while the Chicago Cubs put reliever Ethan Roberts on the injured list

The Chicago Cubs are being cautious with catcher Willson Contreras.After a day off Monday, Contreras was not in Tuesday’s lineup against the White Sox at Wrigley Field. He is banged up but it’s “nothing serious,” according to manager David Ross. Contreras is considered day to day and was available to hit off the bench.AdvertisementRoss declined to provide specifics on what is ailing Contreras. Asked whether it’s a lower- or upper-body injury, Ross replied, “Mid.” Contreras started at designated hitter Saturday in Milwaukee and did not play Sunday.[ [Don’t miss] David Robertson has been lights out for the Cubs after coming back from a potentially career-ending injury ]“He’s got a little something going on and trying to just keep it under wraps for competitive advantage stuff,” Ross said Tuesday.AdvertisementLeft-hander Drew Smyly was scratched from Tuesday’s start and placed on the bereavement list. Players must spend at least three days and up to seven on the list.The Cubs opted for a bullpen game to begin the City Series with reliever Scott Effross getting the start. The bullpen entered Tuesday leading the majors with 115 strikeouts and 11.33 strikeouts per nine innings.Rookie reliever Ethan Roberts knew Friday that trying to pitch through shoulder inflammation no longer would work.Roberts realized when he couldn’t execute his fastball glove side to Milwaukee Brewers outfielder Christian Yelich — and when the pitch’s velocity was below average — that fighting through the issue every pitch wasn’t a viable approach. He had to tell the Cubs what he had been dealing with for two weeks.Chicago Tribune SportsWeekdaysA daily sports newsletter delivered to your inbox for your morning commute.Roberts didn’t bounce back well in his first back-to-back outings Thursday in Atlanta and Friday in Milwaukee.“You want to be out there all the time, you want to try and help your team,” Roberts told the Tribune. “I‘ve got to do something about it. As much as I didn’t want to, I kind of had to.”[ [Don’t miss] Column: It’s hard to get too excited for the return of the City Series during a gloomy Chicago spring ]Roberts won’t blame his inconsistency in his last few appearances on the shoulder issue. While it may have affected his ability to finish a pitch where he needed it, he also believes he could have made a lot better pitches regardless.“I could definitely tell that in my last one I was backing up sliders bad, I was pulling sliders bad,” Roberts said. “I couldn’t throw a fastball — trying to go glove side inside on Yelich and they were two feet outside, so that was the stinker for me. But everything leading up to that, like, I chose to do that and I take the results for it.”AdvertisementThis is the first time in his professional career that Roberts, 24, is on the injured list. He officially was put on the 10-day IL on Sunday.Roberts described the problem as a mix of tightness and shoulder fatigue. The treatment plan involves no throwing and receiving daily soft-tissue treatment to loosen the area until the inflammation calms down.“That last game (Friday), I came in and I usually just kind of grab my jersey and pull it off over my head, and I can’t do that with my right arm,” Roberts said. “So after that, I knew I had to go (tell them).”