Author: staff

Lifestyle

Ask Amy: Family is not restrained by restraining order

Dear Amy: I am a 32-year-old mother of three. I have a restraining order against their father after years of emotional and physical abuse endured by myself and my children. I was stuck in the vicious cycle of abuse for a long time.He has had no contact with us for over two years.AdvertisementMy ex’s mother (my children’s “grandmother”) recently tried to contact my daughter via text, sending her photos of her father and the father’s new girlfriend, along with their daughter (she is the same age as my youngest son, so his current girlfriend and I were pregnant at the same time).I have access to see these text messages and pictures before my daughter does and am curious about your take on whether I should delete them/block their numbers, or allow my 8-year-old daughter to decide for herself.AdvertisementI don’t trust anyone in their family and never received any acknowledgment of the tremendous amount of pain and suffering her son caused me and my children. – Mama BearDear Mama Bear: These family members are not likely to apologize for the actions of your abuser.If they want to try to forge a relationship with your children, however, they need to understand that you are the gatekeeper.I can’t speak to the intent, but based on what you report, it sounds as if your ex or his mother might be using her ability to send text messages to your daughter as a “workaround,” which could violate the valid restraining order you have against her son.You should double-check the language on the court order.Your child should not be receiving text messages from anyone without you seeing the message first (I assume these may be coming in over a tablet device).Regardless of the status of the restraining order, if you don’t want your children to have contact with your ex’s family, then it is within your rights to deny that contact across the board. You are the custodial parent. It is your responsibility to keep them safe and healthy.AdvertisementIf your children express a desire to have contact with these family members, you will have to use your best judgment to discern if it is in their best interests.For now, I suggest that you block this contact, given that it was uninvited and inappropriate.If this grandmother wants to contact any of your children, she will have to go through you. She likely knows this (she’s a mother, after all), and this was a little test – which you have passed. Congratulations.Dear Amy: I live abroad and came home one summer to visit family and see some friends.One of my best friends, “Jeremy,” has a garage sale every year that he and his wife get really excited about, so I went for an afternoon to hang out.One man who came to the garage sale asked Jeremy if he had any guns for sale.AdvertisementWhen the man asked, looking around, everyone was incredibly uncomfortable.My thought was if my friend told him he had no guns (I don’t know whether he has guns or not) that the man may break into their home, knowing that they are unarmed.I can’t imagine my friend is the only person that man asked. It could be the man is an honest person with no bad intentions. Please let me know your thoughts.– StevenDear Steven: Researching your question, I was surprised (and alarmed) to learn that in most states, it is legal to buy (and sell) guns at a yard sale, with some caveats.My suggestion is that anyone who is asked should simply respond, “I’m not selling any guns today.” This should avoid the issue of alerting any would-be criminals about an unarmed house.AdvertisementI believe there is also an ethical question here. Even the most responsible gun owner cannot guarantee the suitability or stability of a stranger.Dear Amy: “Fed Up” had asked repeatedly for his child’s church group to leave him off of group texts, and though the leaders comply, they continue to re-add his number every couple of weeks.Ask AmyDailyNo-nonsense advice for better living delivered to your inbox every morning. For a limited time, sign up for the Ask Amy newsletter and get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.My solution, though probably not nice, is to tell the leaders that in the future he will add lewd pics and remarks if the practice continues.This ought to solve the problem, but I’m not sure other parents would appreciate their kids dealing with that.– SDear S: That is a genuinely terrible idea, for many reasons. Sending lewd pictures to children is both morally wrong – and illegal.AdvertisementGot a question for Amy? Enter it here and we’ll send it to her.Sign up here to receive the Ask Amy newsletter to get advice e-mailed to your inbox every morning, and for a limited time — get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.©2021 Amy Dickinson.

Sports

Chicago Cubs lose their 9th straight, falling to the San Diego Padres 19-5 — and the numbers are getting ugly

The Chicago Cubs’ losing streak reached nine games Wednesday with a 19-5 loss to the San Diego Padres at Wrigley Field.The Padres have won three straight in the series, which concludes Thursday afternoon with Matt Swarmer facing Joe Musgrove.Advertisement“Losing is not fun,” Ian Happ said. “It never is. And when you go through stretches like that, long innings, you try to keep everybody upbeat and positive. I feel that gets harder as the losses mount.”Rookie Caleb Kilian was out of sync in his second start, and the bullpen collapsed after he was removed after allowing five runs in four innings. Keeping everyone in a positive frame of mind has been difficult when a team has been beaten down as badly as the Cubs this week.Advertisement“We’re working on that,” manager David Ross said. “I don’t have any magical answer. We haven’t been very good. I think we’ve got to pitch a little bit better than we’ve pitched the last couple nights.”Ross once again called on first baseman Frank Schwindel to pitch, the third time this season and second time this week. Schwindel gave up three runs in the ninth.“It’s crazy,” Happ said. “It’s kind of been an explosion (of position players pitching) the last couple years and this year. The more we can play where position don’t pitch, the better.”Some fans enjoy watching it. But the more it happens, the less funny it seems.“Yeah, it’s not (funny),” Happ said. “It’s not that fun to see anymore. But it’s a reality of keeping arms fresh. You can’t just go out there and blow through your bullpen every day and expect to be competitive the next day, especially night to day.”Schwindel has served up four home runs in three innings, compiling an 18.00 ERA.Here are some other ugly numbers to chew on.The Cubs’ ERA over the nine-game losing streak. They’ve served up 21 home runs and allowed 111 hits over that span.AdvertisementThe Cubs’ winning percentage since a loss to the New York Mets on June 14, 2021. Going into that game, the Cubs were 38-27 and tied for first place in the National League Central. They’re 56-103 since, including losing streaks of 11, 12 and nine games.Chicago Tribune SportsWeekdaysA daily sports newsletter delivered to your inbox for your morning commute.The Cubs are winless in all 29 games this season in which they’re trailed entering the seventh inning.Runs allowed by Cubs pitchers (and first baseman Frank Schwindel) over the last five games since losing 8-0 to the Yankees on Saturday in New York. They have been outscored 84-26 during the skid. The Cubs’ record on replay challenges. Not only are they losing on the field, they’re also very bad at challenging calls. Opposing teams have won seven and lost four against the Cubs.The Cubs’ record at Wrigley Field. They’re 2-7-1 in home series, including a win in the opening series against the Milwaukee Brewers.Cubs starters’ ERA. They’re also a combined 12-27. The 4.91 ERA is still better than in 2021, when the starters posted a 5.27 ERA, fourth worst in the majors.AdvertisementThe Cubs’ average with runners in scoring position (122-for-554). They began Wednesday ranked 28th in the category, ahead of the Arizona Diamondbacks (.216) and Pittsburgh Pirates (.201).Fan who caught a Manny Machado home run Wednesday and didn’t bother to throw it back.