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Lifestyle

As Buffalo Supermarket Reopens, Community Fears More White Supremacist Attacks

Written By Bilal G. Morris
A community that was devastated by a racist man with an assault rifle must now find a way to get past the fear and trauma just to get groceries.
Tops Friendly Markets, the Buffalo supermarket where Payton Gendron killed 10 Black people and injured several others has reopened its doors Friday, July 15, with hopes that residents will return.
The renovated supermarket will be equipped with enhanced video monitoring systems, an emergency evacuation audio/visual alarm system, additional emergency exits, as well as increased professional security inside and outside of the store. 
But terrorism has lasting effects and a community that was devastated by a racist man with an assault rifle must now find a way to get past the fear and trauma just to get groceries.   
The constant lurking of fear can consume a community once it’s torn apart by violence, Buffalo is no different. According to CNN, community members are still traumatized by the deadly massacre and some say returning to the Tops store may not be something they can do. 
“I think there will be people who don’t want to go there and will never go there again,” former Buffalo fire commissioner, Garnell Whitfield told CNN. “But convenience and necessity take over and that store will be a viable part of that community.”
Residents also say they are so fearful of another attack that even a random white person walking through the neighborhood makes them uneasy. 
Liz Bosley a community activist in Buffalo told CNN that, “Some wish Tops would have demolished the store and rebuilt it so people wouldn’t have to relive the devastation.”
Regardless of the fear, Tops Friendly Markets is still an important part of Buffalo’s nearly all-Black East Side neighborhood. The store originally opened its doors in 2003,  giving more than 113,000 residents who had been living in a ‘food desert,’ access to a full-service supermarket.
Community leaders have acknowledged that getting the community comfortable with the supermarket they once loved will be tough, but its reopening is proof that love overcomes hate.
“This is the day when we declare that hate did not win, said New York State Attorney General Letitia James during the supermarket’s opening ceremony on Thursday. “[The day] that hate was defeated, that hate has no place in east Buffalo or Buffalo or the great state of New York.”
This article originally appeared on News One.

Lifestyle

Supporting a loved one in difficult times

By Joseph Siegel
When someone you care about is going through a difficult time, the thing you want to do the most is be there for them. The hard part is knowing the best way to help them, and much of that is based on circumstances. Typically, it first depends on who it might be that is going through a difficult time. Is it a parent? A family member? A close friend? It also depends on what exactly it is that they are struggling with. Did they receive a tough medical diagnosis? Are they caring for a family member who is ill? Is your loved one struggling with a loss of some sort, whether it be a person, job, or other?
Whatever the circumstance might be, people who are trying to support a loved one through a difficult time may have a hard time themselves navigating the situation. The first step is ensuring your loved one knows you are there for them.
“I think the first thing to do is to be present. That sound so easy, but we live in a world of distraction. When someone needs you to be there, it’s important to have good eye contact. You’re not looking at your phone. You’re engaged with what they are saying. You’re understanding what they are saying and you are interacting with it. You are asking open-ended questions to increase your understanding and show that you are really interested in what they are saying,” says Joseph Siegel, an OSF HealthCare licensed clinical social worker.
Siegel advises people who are supporting a loved one to really try and understand their concerns. Perhaps they just need to get their feelings out by opening up to someone in whom they can confide. In these situations, your loved one might not necessarily be looking for words of wisdom. They may just need an open ear and a shoulder to lean on.
“You’re there to listen. Sometimes what can get in the way of that is advice giving. This person is struggling, so our natural tendency is ask if they have tried something or another thing. Many times, a person just needs an attentive listener,” explains Siegel.
Additionally, Siegel recommends paying close attention to understand what your loved one might need. Often times, people who are going through something difficult may not necessarily know how to or want to ask for help directly. However, simple tasks such as doing the laundry, running an errand, bringing over dinner, or driving them to a doctor appointment can make the world of a difference.
“Try to put yourself in their shoes. Try to have empathy. But also, try to anticipate needs. Often this person is unable to really form a good understanding of what they might need in that moment. It can be something that’s super simple like rubbing their back, or more complex like taking their kids to school,” Siegel advises.
If something comes up in conversation with your loved one that you think you can help with, offer to do that. However, it is important to ask before doing, as Siegel says many people who are going through something hard still want their sense of independence and autonomy. But sometimes juggling everyday tasks and a life-changing event become daunting – in which case help would most likely be welcome.
In addition to listening to your loved one and helping with what you are able, Siegel says it is good to provide a sense of normalcy, as many people who are going through something difficult such as a scary diagnosis can begin to feel consumed by it.
“I think it’s important not to stay completely focused on or dwell on that issue. People have rich, complicated lives and when we start reducing their life to this one problem or this one issue, it can become a real drag on their emotional health. So even though you are helping with this one thing, don’t forget to include everything else about them,” says Siegel.
Provide some normalcy by talking about day-to-day things, sharing funny stories, and updating your loved one on your own life, as this can be a breath of fresh air for someone who feels consumed by a significant negative life event.
On the other hand, sometimes it might be hard for someone going through something hard to talk about anything else. Or perhaps your loved one is the opposite and does not want to talk about their circumstances at all. They may even avoid contact with friends and family. Regardless of the situation, Siegel typically recommends suggesting your loved one get in touch with a mental health professional as they navigate the life event.
“I would recommend it early on in any of these situations, but I would also bring it up in terms of your own experience with these helping professionals. I definitely would not put it in terms of ‘you should’ or ‘you could’ or ‘have you considered?’ Mention it as an option. Let them know it could be helpful, or share how your experience was and how you found it to be helpful for you,” Siegel advises.
It is also important to take care of yourself while you are supporting someone else. Self-care, however, is very situational in these circumstances – and it comes down to individual needs and values. If something like helping a loved one is embedded into your identity, Siegel says that it is important to honor that. If you are the kind of person who needs a break to recharge, do that. The most important thing is being true to yourself and not losing yourself when supporting someone else.
If you are supporting a loved one during a difficult time and need an outlet for yourself, make an appointment with a mental health professional or talk to your primary care provider to help connect you with one.
This article originally appeared on OSF Healthcare.