By Courtnay Watson
Having an open conversation about funeral planning as a Black family is vital to ensure general wealth is protected and personal wishes are honored. Many folks find that grief is also heavy with emotions, so having these open family discussions early can help alleviate some of that burden.
Talking about death can make many people uncomfortable, but it’s an important part of life. Fortunately, life expectancy has increased in recent years, with Black people’s life expectancy rising by 2.8 years to 74 years. Follow along as we discuss how to have these difficult conversations, answer questions about the importance of funeral planning, and offer some funeral planning tips.
What Is the Leading Cause of Death in Black People?
According to the CDC, the leading cause of death among Black people is heart disease, followed by cancer and unintentional injuries. Heart disease is common when there is a family history of heart disease, but it can also be caused by atherosclerosis.
This condition is where cholesterol, fat, and other substances build up in the artery walls. This buildup of plaque narrows the arteries and restricts blood flow. Heart disease can also be caused by:
- An unhealthy lifestyle
- Poor diet
- Reduced physical activity
- Excessive alcohol use
- Smoking
- Medical conditions like high blood pressure and obesity
- Stress
To help prevent heart disease, it’s important to eat a heart-healthy diet, which includes lean proteins like fish and legumes, fruits, vegetables, healthy fats like olive oil and nuts, and whole grains. Controlling your portion sizes can also help reduce the risk of heart disease.
How To Talk About Funeral Planning?
When the time comes to discuss funeral planning, it’s important for your family to know what you want to help avoid family conflict. Here are some simple steps to follow to ensure your final wishes are known and can be carried out.
Timing Is Everything
When approaching the topic of funerals, starting the Black families conversation about end-of-life planning needs to be done when the time is right. You don’t want to choose a time when everyone is busy or in a rush. Instead, choose a relaxed, private time so you don’t have to rush the topic.
Start Gently
When starting a conversation, be careful with how you word things. Being too blunt can potentially shock family members, and they might feel they have to shut down the conversation because it’s too emotional.
Instead, use sentences such as, “I’ve been thinking about my future after death and want to ensure my wishes are clear.” If you’re approaching the topic for an older family member, you could say, “I want to ensure people remember you the way you want.”
Be Specific
Next, you want to ensure you give specific instructions so there is no guesswork; however, understand that things can change, so also be prepared to stay flexible with your requests. Now is the time to discuss the ins and outs of your funeral in detail, including financial security decisions, such as your funeral budget and whether you have a funeral plan.
You may also want to include info about final expense life insurance to ensure these costs are covered. Also include:
- Which funeral home you want to use
- What type of service you want (i.e., traditional or celebration of life)
- Whether you want to be buried or cremated
- What casket you want, and where you want to be buried (if you’re not opting for cremation)
- What you want done with your ashes (if you’ve chosen cremation)
Gather Documents
Finally, once everything has been decided, you must document all your wishes and share them with your family. This document is usually called a Final Wishes Document, Funeral Planning Declaration, or Letter of Last Instructions. You should also share this document with your attorney if you have one.
Don’t confuse this document with your Will. A Will is a separate document that typically doesn’t include funeral details and is only read after the service. One more thing to note: don’t keep the only copy of your funeral plans in a safe deposit box, because this may render it inaccessible immediately.
Frequently Asked Questions
What Is the Saddest Song to Play At a Funeral?
Many sad songs exist, but one of the songs considered the saddest is Eric Clapton’s “Tears in Heaven.” He wrote it after the tragic loss of his son, who accidentally fell to his death off the 53rd floor of a high-rise building where they lived. Conor died on 20 March 1991 at the age of four and was Eric Clapton’s only child.
What Are the Steps of Planning a Funeral Service?
When planning a funeral service for a loved one, the first step is to schedule the service. The funeral home will arrange the transportation of the deceased and help guide you through the logistics. Depending on the nature of the death, you may need to decide whether you want an open casket or not.
Next, select a celebrant. This is the person who will lead the service and can be a family member, close friend, or religious leader. Next, choose the music you want played, decide on any readings, choose any floral arrangements you want displayed, and select photos to display at the service.
Choose the participants next, which include pallbearers, and designate someone to read the eulogy. Finally, write the obituary highlighting the deceased’s life, accomplishments, and family. Also include the date, time, and location of the service for those who want to attend and have it published in the local newspaper.
Navigating the Journey as a Family
Funeral planning in Black families can be a time of heartbreak and sadness, but it’s important to do so before you pass away. When your family has your after-death instructions, it helps alleviate the difficult decisions they’ll need to make while they’re actively grieving. Planning your funeral helps ensure your wishes are honored and can help avoid family conflicts.
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