Lifestyle

Dear Caught: One way to begin would be to try your hardest to build a relationship with your daughter. If she seems unhappy “in a hidden way,” then you could start by reaching out to her, checking in, finding out a bit about her adult life, and connecting with her children and grandchildren.

Journeyman Distillery, based in Three Oaks, Michigan, aims to use as many local ingredients as it can. Its O.C.G. (Old Country Goodness), left, boasts organic apple juice and organic cider, both made from Michigan-grown apples. And the namesake berries for Bilberry Black Hearts Gin, right, are Michigan grown as well. (Abel Uribe, Chicago Tribune)

I know we gave our dog a wonderful life and did everything we could for him, and I know so many other people have also experienced this loss, but I’m still swimming in grief and in so much pain that I haven’t given much attention to my relationship with my husband or nurtured him during this time (though I manage to be functional with work and other activities).

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She mentioned volleyball tryouts, where I made the team, and she didn’t. Then she moved on to the subject of boys, where one guy she liked started talking to me and never talked to her again. (Also, student elections, which we both plan on running for next year.)

Please, bring this up to your daughter. Don’t overwhelm her with your complicated emotional reaction, but ask her, “Hey, if I can find a nice photo of the two of us from your childhood — and let you pick out the frame — would you be willing to find some space on your wall for it?”

And so – ask about it! You can respond to a bid for contact by saying, “I’m completely baffled. Six years ago, I received a letter, signed by you, that spelled out in detail all of my flaws. It also said that your family despises me. I completely accept that. If something has changed, you should let me know.”

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You should talk about it! Say, “I’ve always thought our conversations were pretty benign. I never judge anyone you’ve told me about, and honestly think we’re all pretty boring. But does it really bother you, or were you just blowing off steam?”

My husband and I drew up a list of things that we expected from her: Getting a job, taking care of her bedroom and bathroom, learning to drive and to use public transportation, no male overnight guests, house sit when we take short trips — things like that.